look out. she's showing off. again.

this ain't right.

at this time this a.m.

it was this many degrees.

(sorry it's a little blurry)

that's just all kinds of wrong.

dagnabb hippie.

well. first it was my nose.

then it was this:

that would be a henna tat.

India ink.

sorry. i couldn't resist.

not sure why i did it, just got a wild hair up my bum and well...here you go.

the lady who did it, created it all freehand. that in itself was amazing.

and it'll only last a few weeks. they'll love it @ work.

in other news...

it's hottenhades here today. as a matter of fact, in Sherman Oaks, about 40 minutes from us, it was hotter there than in Las Vegas.

that is SO wrong.

it's way too hot. and it ain't getting better this weekend.

gross.

i also thank you for your concern on the Husband. we talked last night. and if you know him you know how he can get. hopefully i managed to help him see the forest from the trees.

and...

the farewell night of fun for my friend @ work went well...he and another of my friends and another girl from work stayed quite late. i would've probably, too, except that the Husband was there and he always worries about me coming home late by myself.

and i didn't even cry.

although... i got kind of worried when my former boss called and said she wanted to take a picture of me with him. so i thwarted her. i grabbed two of my friends and we ALL took a picture with him. then we serenaded him with all the songs we could think of that had 'good bye' in 'em.

all the original hits! 'so long, farewell'; 'sha-na-na-na, hey, hey, hey, good bye,' 'who let the dogs out'.

hey. i never said we were good.

he laughed, was a little embarrassed, but enjoyed it.

i really hope he does well at the new job. he is a rarity today - a really nice, genuine person who doesn't look for anything from you, except your friendship.

and i think i did that. at least i hope i did.

i will miss him. i do already.

(and he was WAY nicer than the other lead, who thinks he IS all that - and even went so far as to tell me he didn't understand why he wasn't a supervisor, since he was smarter than his supervisor. dumbass. you may think it, but you sure don't say it. out loud. at work.)

and i will have photos later. this cruddy weather at least makes for some killer cloud formations. and colors.

have a safe Labor Day weekend. and thanks again. i don't deserve your friendship.

i'm here.

really.

just some fun stuff going on here.

can you feel my sarcasm?

all i can say is, if you could, pray for the Husband, that he can see the forest from the trees.

and for me that i don't kill him before this is all over.

Michael Vick, you're a....

schmuck.

what...what'd you think i was gonna say?

i wasn't gonna comment on this, but today, after watching the news today...well...

i really, really get tired of people, celebrities and non, when they get caught doing wrong, say they have 'found God.'

like they expect the Lord is a 'get outta jail free card' and we, the Public, has to forgive 'em.
any maybe, just maybe, they'll get a reduced sentence. be forgiven by us, the people who pay their salaries.

there's been a few...a very few, who i truly believe DID, through their crimes or mistakes or whatever, really did find a personal relationship with God, have allowed Him to change their lives and truly is now living the life they say they are.

Chuck Colson comes to mind.

but most of these clowns, er...people, i don't think are sorry for everything they did, just sorry that they got caught.

i didn't used to be this cynical.
but maybe the new trifocals are making me see things differently.
even if i don't have 'em yet.

so with Vick, the true test, i believe, will be to see what his life becomes after this is all over. if he still has, in his words, 'found Jesus.'

you don't have to find Him. He's right there next to you - all the time.
let's see if Vick knows that, too.

my new favorite quote.

i love quotes.
some funy. some deep. some make no sense.

no comments, please. i'm very sensitive right now.

anywhooo...we saw this one while watching my Alton on Feasting on Asphalt on the Food Network.

Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore. - Andre Gida

amen that.

definitely words to live by...especially for me right now.

do you have a quote? doesn't matter if it's silly or sentimental...if you want to share, post a comment on your favorite.

who knows - maybe i'll steal it from you. after all, your pens aren't safe near me, why should your quote be safe either?

good night.

blah, blah, blagging.

at least that's what Melissa's friend Heather called it, when you tag someone on your blog.
i like it.

so without further ado, because no one asked for it AND because i seem to never tire of talking about me... i present:

8 jobs i have had in my life.

(hold on to your hats, kids)

1) my first job (not counting selling Christmas cards all year) was working as a waitress at a little cafe near my childhood home. i worked it for about three weeks. i hated waitressing AND i sucked at it. so much so that i didn't even make a courtesy tip. i was still in high school.

(what's funny/weird, is that i served dinners all.the.time at Rainbow functions. we would serve dinners at other Masonic functions to earn money for the Assembly. i did OK with that.)



2) i worked at a pizza deli for (again) about three weeks. the owner was a cranky, mean, unreasonable fellah - he handed me the menu on my first day and told me to have it memorized by my next shift. the next day.

i laughed. he didn't. i finally got tired of all his yelling, so i quit. which brings us to...



3) Woolworths. remember them? five & dimes? i worked at one for a Christmas season, which carried over to the March after that. then i was let go.

nothing's worse than to be a teenager working AT the mall, with all your friends outside your store, because no self-respecting teenager would be caught dead inside a Woolworths.



4) Supercuts. i worked there as a receptionist for years. loved that job. worked for a cool couple who owned two locations in Long Beach. we got reviews every quarter, and i got a raise every quarter. just about a quarter per quarter, but what the heck.

i swept hair, rang up bills, washed & dried towels. i remember the Arby's restaurant across the street got held up, and our owner was visiting our location. he asked me what i would do if someone held us up, and i was honest.

'i'd give him all the money we had, and give him some shampoo and conditioner, too, if they wanted it.' not the answer he wanted.

moving on to...
5) junior loan processor. i even had business cards with that and my name printed on them for the first time in my life. don't be too impressed, all i really was, was a glorified copy girl. my main job was xeroxing loan packages to send to the lender. i left because i got really tired of my boss and her friend using a certain F bomb all.the.time. seriously. all the time.

6) car dealer receptionist. cool job. pretty cool people. even met a boyfriend that i was beyond crazy about. i left when they moved me from full time M-F to part time 6 days a week. buh-bye.

7) GTE/Verizon/Idearc Media. in the last 20 years of my life, i've been here. it's changed names three times, we've had lots of changes, lots of layoffs and STILL i manage to hang on. i've also had as many jobs AT this place as on this list. and i won't bore you with some of the mind-numbing jobs i've done here.
and in between my time there, i've also....

8) been an archaeologist at Knott's Scary Farm's Camp Spooky. Camp Spooky is normally Camp Snoopy, a fun place for little kids to hang out, with rides, games etc just their size.
we had a maze set up, and occasionally a smiling vampire or Frankenstein would amble through. each kid would get their map of all the mazes stamped, and at the end would get a Snoopy digital watch. i would either stamp, hand out watches OR hand out the trick or treat candy we also had.
the kids were great. their parents, not so much.
why, you may ask, did i, in my late 30s, take a job at an amusement park, when i didn't have to?
well, every year, Knott's hosts their Halloween Haunt. and it really will scare the pee out of you. really.
and i always wanted to be a 'critter' that would wander through the Park, hiding in the shadows, then jumping out and chasing teenage girls, making them scream.

i'm not nice. it just seemed like so much fun. the only deal was, they usually had the same people every year as critters. they would run and slide on their knees, they hid in super scary mazes.
they even changed the rides to really make them scary. and have people jump out at you, there.

it was something i always wanted to do. and even though i never made critter status, i did have fun working every weekend from the end of September to the end of October. and the best part was, every night after i got off work, i could ride the Log Ride (minus the critters, the ride was 'normal' during the day) as much as i wanted to. no one cared.
and it was cool to hang out where Brendan & i got married...at the same time of year.

but that's another post.

well, suffice it to say that this post is as long as the job history i've provided. let me know if you decide to play, i'd love to see your employment history, too.

apparently my bulb is dim.

not the sharpest knife in the drawer.
a taco short of a combo platter.
one glove short of a pair.

well, you get the idea.


instead of wearing jeans, as we've been able to all month (normally jeans are only allowed on Fridays)today, i decided to live on the edge.


i wore a skirt.


a cute knit skirt, a little striped blouse and some chunky heels.

i felt super cute, AND i coordinated.


and since y'all know how bad my *ahem* vision is, that IS a miracle.


then i got to work and found out that the Powers that Be were moving my desk today.


t-o-d-a-y.


sucks to me me, don't it?


so, cute skirt got all uggy as i packed up, dusted and cleaned and unpacked.


on the bright side, i finally sit across from my boss. so, as his lead, that's kind of important.


secondly, the printer is next to my desk. that SO rocks.


thirdly, i'm next to the window. it's bright. i felt happier! i felt cute again!! i felt...icy breezes blowing down my shoulder.

oh goody. i'm next to the leaky vent on the AC, where it comes through a light fixture.


but dang it, i still looked cute.


in other news...


yesterday, the Husband & i decided to clean the steps, leading up to our apartment. they're uggy, stuff has been spilled on them and it just looked gross. so we cleaned up.


and for some weird reason, i looked up.


steel yourselves.



yep. that's a wasp nest. near our neighbor's AC unit at the top of the wall & the roof.

niiice.

it really is cool to look at. except that i hate all bugs with stingers.

i've got a perfect record. never been stung. i'd like to keep it that way.
of course, i'm married to a fellah who's allergic to bee venom.
and i'm not sure of the wasps. neither is he.

so yes, i'm contacting the management to have 'em remove it. i was going to lock Brendan in the house, then hose the crap out of it, but Brendan said to let sleeping dogs lie.

does that look like dogs to you?

oh well. this too shall be fixed.

good thing i can still see it.

oh no you didn'!

beneath this hard shell of an exterior, is a creamy center of marshmallow.

really.

however - that marshmallow can get really crusty sometimes.

like tonight.

still having some issues with my stiffy sore neck, so, on our way home from Target, we stopped at a drug store so i could get some IcyHot.

and, paid for it with my ATM, like always. however, the screen wasn't reading my pen strokes correctly. everytime i said i didn't want $40 back, it tried to give me $40.

i couldn't clear it. i couldn't go on.

in the meantime - as we pulled in the parking lot, we watched a couple get out of a Porsche, and she was tall and long legged. the Husband was impressed.

so back to the in-store fun.

while the clerk and i were fighting the ATM screen (right before the clerk voided the sale to start over), the long-legged chick behind me said "what - can't you see it?"

my head turned around like Linda Blair in "The Exorcist."

"no," i said politely but snottily, ''i can see it just fine. it's not responding the way i need it to, thank you very much."

"shaw. she said. (you know, that mouth noise most teenagers make when they're irritated with us old folks.) i didn't mean it that way."

"well, no matter how you meant it, " Snot Queen Valerie said, "just know i can see it just fine."

she didn't say another word, until i walked off. then i heard her say to her boyfriend (or whatever he was), "that was rude."

i didn't even turn around as i walked off. "don't worry, honey, you can teach us a thing or two about rude."

i SO could've hip-checked her into next week... and the worst part is that when we watched them walk in, we both figured they were probably in their early 20s. no way, dude. when i looked at her, that chick was as old as me. and she didn't look good.

kinda like a PSA for skin damage caused by tanning.

so perhaps, perhaps i overreacted. perhaps i'm still a little sensitive about trifocals.

but chickie needs to learn a thing or two about keeping smart-ass comments to herself.

and i need to be less nasty and more marshmallowy.

but the Linda Blair thing was cool.

speak up, i can't see you.

y'know, the Rolling Stones really were visionaries when they said 'what a drag it is getting old.'

visionaries, i tells ya..

not that i want any of 'Mother's Little Helper,' although after today...

as you know, i'm not single. i'm not even bi.

however, i am tri.

as in trifocals.

tri-fo-cals.

dude. that soooooooooooooo sucks. in three ways from Sunday.

sorry. it had to be said.

i knew i was buying time, really. it's been harder and harder to read small print on things @ work.

but holy crap, kids. trifocals?! nothing like that to remind me that i ain't a kid.

dammit - my stepfather is 81. he doesn't have bifocals, much less trifocals. my mom is 66 and she doesn't have 'em, either.

must be from dad. thanks, dad. first you left AND you left me with your crappy eyesight.

what the heck. i gotta blame someone.

AND since we were at Costco (where, as you know, you can get EVERYTHING, even a casket), my husband, dear sweet kind Brendan, said perhaps we could look for a walker for me.

niiiice.

heck, even my mother jumped on the dumpbandwagon and said the SPCA would probably have a good place to find a seeing-eye dog.

ah, the love of family.

trifocals. dude. that's SO wrong. and do you think it would be easy finding a pair of glasses i could use for tris? oh heck no. every cute pair i picked up didn't have large enough lenses.
oh. sorry. i guess i'll get these big ass bug eye glasses in orange. especially since i look soooo good in orange.

but thankfully, for my vanity's sake, i did find a pair of cute dark rose metal frames. not as cute as the green & black ones i really wanted, but the lens wasn't big enough (insert sarcastic, smart-ass tone here).

so let's see. i now have trifocals. i have arthritis, AND i started taking meds for acid reflux.

what a drag it is getting old.
hey. maybe i DO want some of Mother's Little Helper. i'd still have the same problems, but crap - i just wouldn't care.

think i can get that @ Costco?

only five - no shuck, no jive.

well, maybe a little jive.

from Linda. with love, i have no doubt!

5 Games i Like to Play:

1. Monopoly
2. solitare (especially on the computer)
3. Noah's Ark (a matching game i play on my Palm)
4. did i mention Monopoly?
5. Clue (not that i have one)

5 Guilty Pleasures:

1. Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream
2. Haagan Daas vanilla ice cream (are you seeing a trend? i am.)
3. cherry Slurpees (think Icee or any kind of slush)
4. home made peanut butter cookies
5. chocolate covered macaroons

5 Favorite Stores:

1. Target
2. 99cents Only Store
3. Mervyns
4. Pavillions Grocery Store(whatta geek. but they have the BEST veggies)
5. Scrapbook Oasis - scrapbook store about 30 minutes from me. they ROCK.

5 Things in My Fridge:

1. butter
2. milk
3. cheese (another trend)
4. leftover jambalaya
5. creme brulee (another Costco find)

5 Movies i Can Watch Again and Again and Again.....

1. Singin' in the Rain (or pretty much any musical)
2. any Bond movie
3. Airplane
4. Blazing Saddles
5. The Mummy (the Brendan Fraiser version)

have fun and make your own!

point of pride..which has nothing to do with anything below.

imagine that.
the girl i told you about yesterday?
she's not talking to me.
bwa.
i'm so upset.

and we still don't know if there's gonna be a potluck. oh well. i have a feeling that if she does create a potluck, it won't be open to the entire department.

because she's a little snit that way. i can tell you more stories about run-ins we've had in the past, but eh. what's the point?

answer me this: how can it be i can walk into Costco, and walk out 20 minutes later, $135 poorer, and carrying a box with fillet mignon (don't ask - i don't know why i bought it, either), the Simpsons season 10 on DVD, pineapple (yum!) a four pack of creme brulee (yum! squared) and a Dumbo the elephant sized bag of peanuts. salted. in shell.

oh yes, and some Costco brand Zantac and Maalox tabs.

what has happened to me? when did i get old? i'm not kidding myself. i know i'm 45. i don't think i'm 35. but sneaking up on me, like a greedy cat at a birdbath, is age.

and it sucks.

i've never had a good tummy. i've always had problems and was told at 13 that i had a 'pre-ulceric' condition. at 13.

damn. sounds like a good candidate for therapy, nes pas?

for most of my 20s and into my 30s, my best friend was Maalox tabs. at one point, i was downing at least four a day.
then i had my gallbladder removed and suddenly life was great! woo hoo! spicy foods are back on!

now, dangnabbit, either my gallbladder has grown back, or i've got heartburn.

i notice it if i eat at our cafeteria @ work. now, let's talk about a simple solution: don't freaking eat at work. but, that would be too easy. and i'm too bloody lazy.

also in my defense, i had an easier time when i didn't share the apartment with the Husband in the a.m. that night shift was easier. not necessarily on our relationship, but for SelfishGirl, who had a killer routine down in the a.m.

so, i realize how retarded it sounds: it's easier to make a quick fix than to establish a long-term solution.

feel free to slap me on the wrist. just not if i'm holding a Zantac, OK?

with more fun of getting old...i somehow slept wrong on my neck and it hurts. now, just a few years ago, all i needed to do was to suck down some Alleve and by the end of the day, i would be good to do some killer head-banging and neck-popping.

because i AM such the head banging, electric boogalooing gal.

however...tomorrow, as my Scarlett O'Hara would say, is another day.
and i am still suffering.

so on the way to Costco, i stopped at a nail salon i've frequented and asked if they did neck and shoulder massages.

they do. i did. 20 minutes worth for 20 greenbacks. and.worth.every.penny. it's better, much better if i don't turn my head this wa....ouch.

getting old isn't for wimps.
however, i am the queen of the wimps.

long live the queen - just not that long.

i'm just a gal who caint say no.

usually.

normally.

not today!!!

ring out the church bells!!! strike up the band!!! I SAID NO!!!

yes, dagnabbit - i said no.

remember about my boyfriend leaving our company? he said he wanted a happy hour, so i sent an email to the department telling them when and where. nothing structured, just if you want to come by, have a beer or a martini or a margarita or a combo of all (and i have seen some do that) and wish him well, then go for it.

that was Monday.

this is today.

i get an email from a chickie in his group. this chickie who's as old as me (hence why she's a chickie) AND has designs on his job, emails me to ask if i'm planning a potluck for him or not.

and i said no.

(insert Snoopy doing a happy dance all over Schroder's piano!)

no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!!

dang but that felt gooooooood. lemme say it again. no-no-no-no-no-no-no!!!

i emailed chickie back and said, in an oh-so-nice way which was good, because believe me i wasn't feeling oh so nice and said that Juan was their lead, and therefore they should be planning a potluck if they want one. and if they wanted to open it up to the entire department, so much the better.

haven't heard a word back. tra-lalalalalalalalalalala!

if you ask me, it's kinda poopy. this guy has been their go-to guy for the last three years. the least they should be doing is a potluck. the very least.

having a mini-powwow with some supervisors later, i was commended for saying no. 'bout time, huh?

they're big girls down there. AND THEY'RE ALL GIRLS. let's face it, for most of us, planning is inbred. it's in our genes. and well, throw a party into the mix and it's onnnnnnnn.

i hope they put on their big girl panties and plan him the most kick-ass potluck our department has seen in years. (hopefully with good pansit and eggrolls, Cyn, can you hook me up here in So Cal? wait. i ain't a planning this one! tra-lalalalalallalaaaaa) the guy deserves it. he's worked hard to get where he is and has worked hard for that group. and it would be wrong for them to not recognize that.

and that's what should be done.
just not by me.

whooopeeeeeeeee!!!

just call me a dork.

photographic proof.

see that on my chin? that's milk.

that fell out of my mouth. (which i don't understand, it's so dang big how can ANYTHING fall out)

from the jug.

yes, i drank out of the jug. get over it. i'm 45 and if i wanna drink from the jug i will.

actually, what happened, is that there wasn't much left. so i took off the lid, gave it a smell, then went for a taste. when it spilled. all down my chin.

dorkus malorkus. my new latin name.

random thoughts vol....um, i lost track.

• bunches of crap to yak about today. and not a dang one of 'em important.
• thanks for all the good vibes/karma/prayers/rain dances for a better day for me today. it was. 'course, now i feel weird when i have to talk to this guy, but i'm trying to move on and keep my big girl panties on.
• bought me a Fiskars craft drill yesterday. y'know? the green one that looks like a...um....well, never mind.
• still hot. Africa hot. and Florida humid.
• Husband had a run-in the same day as me, but with a supervisor at work. he considers this chick a...um....mean girl. let's just leave it at that. what really unravelled his rope was that this supervisor emailed another butt-chewing ('sides the verbal one he got) via email. and cc'd Husband's boss. niiiice.
• looking for a photography class so i can learn about f-stops and all the jazz i can use to maybe take a good picture. problem is that the one i want is only on Tuesday nights. i play Bunco on Tuesday nights. hmmmmm. still looking.
• Husband and i looked at new cameras, just in case Canon can't or won't fix this one. i'm so loving the PowerShot S5...another reason why i need to know f-stops. 'sides, i know i'll never EVER read a manual. unless it was either a) written by a comedian i liked or b) a book on tape, read by Donny Osmond. or Keith Urban. heck, i might even pay attention.
• carnitas for dinner tonight, doesn't that sound yum-o?
• prayers, if you would, for my girl, April. that the doctor appointment turned out way super good.

time for a vent as well.

last night, we went to the P's for dinner. BBQd some steaks and so while the Husband attended to the grill, Mamma and i tended to the chores in the kitchen. Step-pop came in and, as he has for years, reminded my mom to take her meds.

oh, and to take her shot.

shot?

what, i said, cortisone for your hand?

there was silence.

um, no. she said. insulin.

wait...what?

now, i know she's diabetic. has been for the last 28 years. but it's always been pill based. now all she'll say is that she doesn't take pills any longer, just insulin shots. so, not only am i worried, i am now a little ticked.

this is a weird thing about my family. no one talks. it's a good thing if we were part of the Mafia or in the CIA, but not this middle-class family.

i.don't.get.it.

she wouldn't talk any more about it. clammed up tightern a politician disclosing campaign finances.

maybe it's a good thing we don't have kids. heck, i can't worry about them, the Husband AND my parents all at once.

on to happier subjects.

i have come to a realization lately. it's not an original one, but dang it, it has freed me in ways i can't even imagine.

it's about scrapbooking. and when i tell you, you'll probably smack me in the head, just like in the V-8 commercials.

i don't have to scrap chronologically. duh, i know. everyone else knew that, too. but it's something that really freed me. made me happier that it was OK if i scrapped yesterday's photos today and do last month's photos tomorrow.

i know. where have i been?

but let me tell you. it really released me. no pressure. i like scrapping again. my mojo is happy, and when my mojo is happy, well, my pages are happy. they don't look (or feel) contrived.

happy pages = happy girl.

doesn't take much, does it. especially when i can get my head out of the pity party that i make my life.

and those are your random thoughts for today.

so tired.

and i'm not sure why.

ever since Friday's fiasco, i feel like my world is in disrepair.

and i don't know what to do, or how to do it.

heck, i didn't even get up this a.m. @ o-dark-hundred to go to the landromat.

swell.

happy Sunday.

valerie's high school musical - the disco version.

courtesy of my dear Melissa. i like this one. feel free to play along, especially if you're younger than me. i enjoy feeling like an old bag o bones.

'sides, talking 'bout high school makes me feel less of a harlot. :o)

1. Who was your best friend? Lorri Lee - i didn't like her in junior high, liked her in high school, then we had a falling out in college. man i am a bee-yatch.

2. Did you play any sports?what, and sweat? fat girls do NOT like to sweat, thankyouverymuch.

3. What kind of car did you drive?car? what car? i had the bus.

4. It’s Friday night. Where were you? OK - let's see. if i wasn't at a football or basketball game, i was likely either at a Rainbow Girl function -OR - with my audio cassette recorder, illegally audio taping the Donny & Marie show. gad, but i am a geek.

5. Were you a party animal? no.

6. Were you considered a flirt?desperate. i wasn't subtle enough to be a flirt. and i wanted a boyfriend sooooo badly - it was killing me.

7. Were you in the band, orchestra or choir? choir. from kindergarten till my senior year. not that i had a voice, but i like to sing.

8. Were you a nerd? worse. i was an invisible. y'know: not cool but not a nerd/geek, either. sometimes, a fine place to be.

9. Were you ever suspended or expelled? naah. too much of a goody-goody. i did, however, get a note in my permanent file because the private school i attended wanted me to sign an agreement that i would not dance, nor attend dances during the school year. i wouldn't sign it. it's not that i was such a rebel, just that i liked dancing, and personally didn't see anything against it, and since the church who sponsored the school did see something wrong with it, well...you can see where the two worlds collided. (Jolene - ask me sometime to tell you about all the LDS youth dances i would go to...and all the Samoan guys who were the only ones that asked me to dance.)

10. Can you sing the fight song? sure. 'we never stumble, we never fall, we sober up on wood alcohol..' wait. wrong song.
hail, Christian warriors, this banner we bear; following the Saviour here and every where; marching with colors, the green and the white; hail, Christian warriors with thy Saviour, the Light.

11. Who was your favorite teacher? Mrs. Gaede - my English teacher. she was the first one who told me that yes, i had some talent for writing.
boy did i fool her.

12. What was your school mascot? a Roman warrior. which even back then i thought was a little weird, considering the Romans were also part of the crucifixion of Christ.

13. Did you go to the Prom? just my junior/senior in my junior year. about four of us girls went as a group. this only cements my belief that the reason so many people that graduate from Brethren high were chunky: we didn't dance. we only ate.

14. If you could go back, would you? only if i could go back to see the high school me and tell me that it really would be alright. that it didn't matter that David Hunter didn't love me. that David Johnson liked Susan Williams better than me. that it really would all work out - and better than i could dream.

15. What do you remember most about graduation? relief that it was over. and that my date & i split the cost of a rabbit from Knott's Berry Farm's petting zoo. yep. i graduated AND got a pet all in the same night. woo-hoo!

16. Where were you on Senior Skip Day? we didn't have one.

17. Did you have a job your senior year? nope. too desperate studying, praying i would graduate.

18. Where did you go most often for lunch? at school. i had no friends in my senior year after changing schools mid year, so i had no one to eat with.

19. Have you gained weight since then? yeah, but not much. chunky then, chunky now.

20. What did you do after graduation? rejoiced. then attempted college.

21. What year did you graduate? 1980. i got socks oldern' you.

22. Who was your Senior Prom Date? no senior prom for me.

23. Are you going/did you go to your 10 year reunion?nope. no reunions for me. i don't want to rehash my entire senior year trauma over and over and over...and i certainly don't want to hear about everyone's houses/kids/plastic surgery.
i'm bitter. and i like it.

Your turn!

too much drama.

mama no like.
bad medicine.

that was the week that was. redux.

this has been a crapper of a week.

i won't bore you or try to bring you down with all the numbing details. let's just summarize with the week started out really, really hot (thanks, Kenny for the lovely poem!), and ended not so good.

the Husband had problems at work - nothing earth shattering, but enough to make him come home every.dang.night. beyond cranky.

the word bitchy comes to mind.

lotsa stamping of the feet, cussing, and muttering under his breath...a sure sign he's about to have a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum.

swing yer arms in the air...stomp yer feet like yew jus' don' care...now promenade!

add to that, that it wasn't a good week in the directory making biz, either. a big directory that was supposed to be going to the printer this week got put on hold, taken off hold, then put back on the printer schedule.

only to be taken off again.

add to that just the usual drama of my place of employment, and well...it was just a ton 'o' fun for the whole family.

and yesterday, my boyfriend told me he was leaving for a new job.

ok. if you know me, you know i would never ever play around on my marriage.
so here's what i mean.

this is one of two guys that were promoted as a lead same time i was. while one was, let's say, full of it..er, himself, had no problem starting in the job. (he actually told me not so long ago that he wonders why it is that he's only a lead, when he knows he's smarter than his boss. i told him that while it bloody could be, it would be better to keep that opinion to oneself.)

this other guy - my boyfriend - was so the opposite of that. he is shy, a little quiet, and not sure of what he should be doing. i became his mentor, in a way. i tried to help him understand about the new jobs he was taking on (after all, i had done most of 'em for a while before i got promoted). i tried to let him know he was doing a great job, and to not be intimidated by our fellow lead, EgoBoy.

i really felt bad when, last year, i got sent to Pennsylvania three times for work, EgoBoy got sent once, but my boyfriend didn't. i know he felt disappointed.

i was really happy for him when, the Big Boss asked him to be the acting night supervisor for a few months.

and i cried yesterday when he told me he was leaving the company.

i'm sad for me. he's the greatest guy, second only to my Husband. he's got two great kids. he is, as my grandmother would say, a great catch.

as you know, we don't have kids. but i can only imagine this is what it must feel like when your kid leaves home for college (Linda?). you're happy for them, going to make a new mark in the world, but a part of your heart is dying because they're leaving.

and you can't protect them.

then. to add insult to injury, i got hit by a bus, who then backed up and ran over me again and again and again and again...

while i died. of embarrassment.

my friends, who were driving said bus, started teasing me about my boyfriend while we were at lunch. and not in ways i was happy about. i was embarrassed, and, as i usually do, i started crying a little.

then...

one of my friends, who was at lunch with me, (and doesn't know how to not beat a dead horse) walked up to my boyfriend and asked him if his ears were burning during lunch. no? well, we were talking about you leaving and Valerie was crying.

don't i have great friends? isn't this great? because i still have to work with him. i still need to talk to him several times a day. i still have to look at him, knowing he knows what i know: that some of my friends are being beeyatches and are inferring things that aren't there.

the only good thing that happened to me yesterday was the Big Boss called me in the office and presented me with a $150 AmEx gift cheque for services above and beyond the call of duty.

oh wait. it wasn't good. i got taxed on that.
see? no good deed goes unpunished.

but - it's a new day. i'm hoping this weekend will not only heal both the Husband's bad week and mine, but that by Monday all the innuendo will be a thing of the past by Monday.

isn't that a Jimmy Buffet song?

come Monday, it'll be all right.

my baby's been kidnapped!

except replace 'baby' with 'camera,' and 'kidnapped,' with borrowed.

by.the.Husband.

can i say how nekkid i feel without it?

like this morning, when i saw this freaking incredible sunrise, coming through some thunderhead clouds? AND ALL I HAD WAS MY CAMERA PHONE?!

oy.

this whine, er....tale of woe, starts yesterday. the Husband called me in his best Debbie Downer voice. i immediately did a roll call of parents and remembered that there was no one left to go.

i am so going to hell.

anywhooo...

turns out his camera (my old one) has gone nuts. it did this once to me before, and i found that Canon had a service order out to repair some doohickey with the viewing screen. the pictures don't turn out. it's a freaking mess.

Canon took my camera in their loving hands, and made it whole.

that was a year ago.

here we go again...so - i called customer service and they will send me a UPS lable to send free of charge, babycamera to Illinois for repair.

hence, why he has my camera - so he can take pictures for work.

but the first thing out of Donny Downer's mouth was, 'how'd you like to upgrade to an SLR?'

mamma like. mamma wants. mamma's afraid i'm too stupid to figure out f-stops.

it might produce another f-word.

so, off we went to Best Buy. and i found one that could turn my head from my baby.

yum.

but. i do love my present camera. it's smart. it's smarter than me. it enables my dumbness.

but this Canon. my-my-my.

the only thing giving me pause is that i will need new lenses. again.

which means Husband would get my hand-me-downs. again.

and i'm whining. again.

i doubt this will come to fruition. but if it does, look for an insane Californian woman, being taken away in a straitjacket, mumbling something about the f-stops out to get me.

it's so freaking hot.

i know. not nearly as hot at it is in Arizona, but here...it's pretty stinking hot.

the back of our apartment gets ALL the mid-day sun, cooking the place in it's own natural juices.

the cat is threatening to find a family in the Arctic. so am i.

the air conditioning unit in this hellhole sucks. it was moved from it's original place by the door, where it would do some good, to a place near the kitchen.

across from a wall.

where the cool air just sits.

not to mention what it does to our electric bill.

so i have fans blowing hot air around. not to mention the hot air we produce.

and i have a bottle of cold water.

under my chin.

keeping my chest cool.

and my shirt unbuttoned. i'm not a bit excited to see my own boobage, but the Girls need a good airing.

i'm so ready for winter.

day late, dollar short. again.

courtesy of Linda & Melissa. one word Wednesday. you can answer these questions with only one word.
hmmmm..since when have i ever talked in one word?

that in itself should be a challenge.
1. Yourself: cranky
2. Your significant other: driving
3. Your hair: flat
4. Your mother: quilting
5. Your Father: who?!
6. Your step father/mother: grumpy
7. Your dream last night: weird
8. Your Favorite drink: beer (because diet coke is two words)
9. Your Dream Car: convertable
10.The room you are in:hot
11. Your Ex: who?
12. Your fears: death (not mine. others)
13. What do you want to be in 10 years: mommy
14. Who you hung out with last night: husband
15. What You're Not: funny
16. Muffins: carrot
17: One of Your Wish List Items: babies
18: Time: evening
19. The Last Thing You Did: read (blogs.)
20. What You Are Wearing: clothes (and the angels rejoiced)
21. Your Favorite Weather: cold
22. Your Favorite Book: biographies
23. The last thing you ate: cookies
24. Your Life: dull
25. Your Mood: cranky
26. Your Friends: rockin'!
27. What are you thinking about right now?: ice
29. What are you doing at the moment?: typing
30. Your summer: hotternhell
31. Your relationship status: married
32. What is on your tv?: Simpsons
33. When is the last time you laughed? today
34. Last time you cried?: yesterday
35. School?: maybe

your turn!

and this is bad why?

so.
have you seen ads for a new drug out there?
i know. they come out with a new one just about every day.

this one is for Mirapex. a drug that should help if you have restless leg syndrome.

hmmmm...restless leg syndrome.
you mean that's what was wrong with me as a kid?
man. someone owes me an apology for all the times they told me to "sit still!" and i replied i couldn't, they they responded "try."

see? i had a medical condition. i needed drugs.
that didn't exist.

digress, digress, digress.

so - coming out from the bedroom as i was getting ready for work, they have a commercial on for Mirapex. and, of course, they have to list the side effects.

of course, if you drink, it'll make you drowsy.
but!
they also say if you find an 'increase in gambling, sexual or other intense urges,' to contact a doctor.

wow. if it's that good, i want some.

and don't you think the Viagra people are getting ticked off? that someone else is horning (pardon my pun) in on their market?

sheesh.

gotta go. i think i need to call my doctor.
i feel a vacation coming on.

i have no life.

here's proof. this is what happens when work is slow. which it isn't. but it was at one point and i found this, tucked away in my folder on my desktop.

Veni, Vidi, Viper (Yow! There's a snake in my bed!)
" " vermicelli (we're having Rice-a-roni for dinner)
" " valentine (be mine)
" " Ventura (we're going to hell)[this would be in connection to a group of directories we just sent to the printer. it was hell.]
" " valencias (yum! oranges!)

veni, vidi, vasectomy (do i have to draw you a picture??)
Veni vidi volcanus (I came, I saw, I blew up)
Veni vidi vixen (I came, I saw, I called her a fox)
Veni vidi vicious (I came, I saw, I got my butt kicked)
...voluptuous (I came, I saw, I better not go there.)
...velocity (I came, I saw, I retreated quickly)
...vomitus (I came, I saw, I threw-up)
...vacuumus (I came, I saw, I cleaned up the mess)
Veni vidi viscosity (I came, I saw, I got my oil changed at Jiffy Lube)
veni, vidi, violencia (I came, I saw, I pummeled a certain rep) [sales rep. ugggh]
veni, vidi, vulgaris (I came, I saw, I swore like a sailor.)
Veni, vidi, voce (I came, I saw, and someone sang!)
or...
Veni, vidi, volare (I came, I saw, I drove a '76 Plymouth)

i was laughing. but i crack me up sometimes.

hey! Jourdan! this is for you!

Dear miss J,

You know how I'm always teasing you about High School Musical? And Zac? How you luuuuuv him, and you wanna marry him, blah, blah, blah.

I get it now.

Uncle Brendan & I went to the movies yesterday, intending to each see a different movie. He wanted the Bourne Ultimatum, while yours truly wanted to see Hairspray.

Being that your uncle HATES musicals, well, I did it for the preservation of our marriage.

So I watched Hairspray. And I so get it now.

That Zac fellah, well, he is mighty easy on the eyes. AND he kissed the chubby girl and didn't look like he would rather be eating dog turds baking in the sun.

So he's either way super cool or a way better actor than I thought.

But I get it. He's cute. He sings. He dances. And he kisses the chubby girl without looking like he'd rather be eating… well, 'nuff said.

You know what else? James Madigan was in it. Did you see 'X-Men'? He played Cyclops. The one who always wore his sunglasses, yes, even at night.
That's an 80's song. You wouldn't know it. It was WAY before your time.

Anyway.

James was way super cute, too. I knew I recognized him from somewhere, but without the glasses, I wouldn't have figured out it was him.

Thank heavens for imdb.com

So that's it. I just wanted you to know I get it now. I get why you love Zac. He's so totally cute, and he's 19.

Nineteen.
I got socks oldern that.

Forget it, honey. He's all yours. I'll leave him be.

He couldn't handle me, anyway.
Love - me

the Big D.

so when last we visited, Dan & i were in Deming, NM, with a broken-down truck filled to the rafters with electrical equipment, on our way to a convention in Dallas.

we even had to argue with the rental company to give us a new truck. they just wanted to repair what we had. but, Dan prevailed and after a day and a half delay, we were back on the road.

we drove straight through, barely stopping to eat, snoozing as we went. after all, we were on a timetable. and driving through the Southwest was, shall we say, interesting.

storms there alot y'know.

we got into Dallas late at night - it was raining. it was cold. butt cold. windy. we were tired. i, being the princess, was not reasonable. i was a tired, unreasonable, cold, pissy princess.

that's the worst kind.

and of course, since it was so late, the only place for us to park was in overflow parking for the hotel.
at the bottom of a San Francisco-type hill. y'know, steep.

and we walked up the hill. against the wind and rain and no matter which way i turned my face, the wind and rain were right there, kissing me all over.

just not feeling the love.
i started to cry. i was no longer the plucky heroine with her stalwart boyfriend. i was now reduced to my true self: a whining, childish, 'this isn't FAIR,' feet-stomping, tantrum throwing chick.

think of PMS on steroids. yep. not a good scene.

i sobbed the whole way up the hill, into the hotel lobby, up to the front desk, then into the elevator, up to the room.

Dan just kept rubbing my back.

when we got in the room, the first thing he did was head into the bathroom, not to commit suicide from the psycho girlfriend, but to start a hot bath. then, he pushed me in there and told me not to come out until i was ready to fall asleep and drown.

i'm still crying. heck, i don't even want my mommy at this point.

i wasn't going to get in the tub, i was too pouty. then, i thought of something and sputtered,
'i....c-c-c-can't...take.....a....bath (sob, sniffle, gasp)..i...don't have....clean....clothes.'

he just smiled that freaking killer smile he had that would always turn me to mush. and yes, it worked this time, too.

'no worries. i'll go down and get our stuff.'
'bbbbbbut....it's raining.' over emotional princess said.
he just smiled again.
'it's OK, honey. get in the tub.'

twenty minutes later, i felt like a new girl. i have no doubt he wasn't gone that long, because if i were him, i'da been in the hotel bar tossing back some stiff ones.

the next day was the convention. we got the supplies back to the convention center, all the guys started setting up, and i was given carte blanche to roam and explore. just come back by 5, when the show closes.

man. i am SO off to Six Flags!!

am i not the biggest dork ever? most chicks would be exploring the malls, finding cutie little shops. nope. not me. i'm off to an amusement park.

that i got lost to.
then i found it was closed during the week.
then i got lost going back to the convention center.

oh Lord, i prayed, tell me what i have done to anger You. i'm sorry for everything and anything, believe me, just please, Lord, let me live through this trip.
i seriously was beginning to think i was never going to make it out of Texas alive.

i made it back to the convention center in plenty of time. however, apparently out there, they have THUNDERSTORMS FOR NO APPARENT REASON. WITH HAIL. BIG HAIL.

and i of course have no umbrella. no hoodie. and i am stuck in the car, in the parking lot, needing to pee sooooooo bad, my skin is turning yellow and my blue eyes are now green. i cannot get out of the car, it's coming down too hard. and it isn't helping my bladder, either.

Gentle Reader, steel yourself. i am about to embarrass myself to you in a way i probably haven't up to this point.

i opened the car door as little as i could, tossed out what was left of my 32oz soda, climbed into the back of the truck, and yep...i let 'er loose.

and i cried again. because i am such a freaking baby at this point that i think my life is over because i've peed in a cup in a truck in a convention center parking lot. what.the.beep!

that was the worst day. the rest of the week was actually pretty fun. i hung out at the center and when i wasn't working the booth, i would go eat free Haagen Daas ice cream bars. play free games and win stuffed animals. (Christmas was a ton of fun that year, i can tell you) they even had free carnival rides you could try, but i was a little too chicken for that.

i have been to Dallas since. but a) for work and b) i flew. we had a hailstorm, but i was inside, and much, much less the whiny pouty princess i was. the Husband wants to take me for fun.

i'm just not sure i'm up to that, yet.

the things we do for love.

again - i don't know why i allude to things in my past, without going into more detail.

especially when it comes to Jacqui and i researching our belief that we were separated at birth.

so. get some No-Doz, some coffee and settle back. Grandma's about to tell another tale from her past, kiddies.

i don't remember what year it was. only that i was in luuuuuuv.

his name was Dan - a guy i had a serious crush on, back in my Rainbow Girl/high school days. he felt it, too - it was kind of those 'bam-smack-wow-Disney-Channel-ABC-Afterschool-Special' things.
complete with the animated stars in our eyes.

so as we sat, yakking, i, the high school junior, asked him if he had started researching colleges yet.
he looked at me blankly.
"college? i'm only in junior high."

(note: back in the day, junior high was what we old-timers used to call the 7th & 8th grades. oh, and you could also get a hamburger, fries & shake at McDonalds for $2 and get change back, dagnabbit.)

oh my. junior high. well, that kinda puts the kibosh on things, doesn't it?

fast forward a few years. we met up again, i don't remember how or where. only that we felt the same attraction we did before and that that HUGE three year age difference in high school wasn't so bad now.
we started dating. and it was goooood. fun.

so, when his mom (who i loved) asked if i would help them out, i went for it.

seems that Dan's stepfather had worked for Disney Imagineering for a few years, then left to start his own business. he built the control circuits for the animated figures you see at Chuck-E-Cheese, Disneyland, and such.

move over, Disneyland, we're going to IAAPA - the International Association of Amusement Parks and Attractions. in Dallas.
Dan's stepdad and his business partner were going, but couldn't get to the convention until the day the show started. Dan was driving the booth equipment for the show floor out there, but they didn't want him driving by himself, so would i please go with him? we'll pay for all your expenses, blah, blah, blah.

why sure! i never get to go anywhere, so heck yeah, i'll go to Texas!

they rented a big ol' truck, filled to the gills with all that electronic equipment. a few of the figurines. and us. we took off for a fun week.

or so we thought.

somewhere outside someplace in New Mexico, the truck broke down. in the middle of the desert. in the middle of the night. in the days before cell phones.

we were stuck until morning. and it gets way freaking cold in the middle of the desert. i pulled out all my clothes from my suitcase and put them on, so we could stay warm.

next morning, Dan walked...yes, walked to the nearest town to get help. i stayed with the goods. the minutes turned into hours and my overactive imagination had already designed that Dan had been kidnapped by some psycho killer (after all, don't they all live in the desert?), and tortured into telling them where i was - when the truck pulled up.

Cletus and Billy Bob were in it. Dan had sent them out to tell me that he was coming with help. so no, i wasn't going to die in the desert with a huge Chuck-E-Cheese figurine.

we were towed into Deming, New Mexico where we found a hotel, showered and then collapsed in a room with paper-thin walls, favored by truck drivers.

let's just say it was a very *ahem* active hotel.

the truck rental company was coming to deliver a new truck, but it wouldn't be there until the next morning. Deming was our temporary home until then...when the Texas adventure could continue.

Next: we roll into the Big D.

again - why my butt and Tex-ass have something in common.

no flaming, April. cuz you know i love you, just that i had a bad experience getting to AND in Texas.

we went out for Chinese food tonight. not Panda Express, and not that we have anything against it, we're just looking for some different, flavored right Chinese food.

and we found one. not that far.

see - we used to have a place we would drive down to Oceanside to get to.
Oceanside is in San Diego county. it's about an hour or so from us.
this place was a hole in the wall, as the best places are. and they made the best pan fried chow mein ever.

ever.

then guess what? they closed up. seems the owners were tired of driving from Irvine to San Diego Co every.dang.day.

we mourned. we raged. we ripped our garments.

then we found Lily Garden here in Cypress. praise be, they make pan fried chow mein.

and it was goooooood.

i won't embarrass either of us with the happy sounds we both made as we tore into it, fighting as usual over the shrimp and the crispy bits of goodness cleverly disguised as fried chowmein noodles. suffice to say we both have bellies full of happiness.

and a hole in our hearts filled.

if only the rest of our holes could be filled so easily. and cheaply.

when Melissa tags...

who am i to argue? not that i'm worried about her suddenly flying out from M-I-S-S-I-S-S-I-P-P-I to kick my bum.

but she might just tell Jacqui to do so. and she's just a hop up the 5. that i can worry 'bout.

kidding, girls. you know i love you both.

so. here's the tag:
Here are the rules:1. You have to post these rules before you give the facts.
2. Players, you must list one fact that is somehow relevant to your life for each letter of their middle name. If you don’t have a middle name, use the middle name you would have liked to have had.
3. When you are tagged you need to write your own blog-post containing your own middle name game facts.
4. At the end of your blog-post, you need to choose one person for each letter of your middle name to tag.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog. (ed. note: why do i need to leave a comment? if they are reading me, then they know they've been tagged. 'sides: i am sooooo lazy.)

L-is for the many ways i'm lazy. did i not just tell you that? come on, then.
Y-youthful. not that i am any more, but inside, i still think i'm in my 20's. i used to feel still 17, but i've given up on that.
N-neurotic. just a little. and about certain things.
N-nasty. at least lately. i'm just angry about a lot of things, and unfortunately this is how it's coming out.

(y'know what's cool about this, Melissa? i didn't have to deal with seven letters like you did. muh-wahahahahahahha!)

therefore, i tag:
Cyn
Kenny
Becky
Jenny

and, of course you may play, even if i didn't tag you. let me know if you decided to, so i can be nosy and see your answers.

about last night...

here's one of my favorite jokes from last night.

that i can remember in it's entirety.

"i love Slim-Jim's. almost as much as i love boobies. so i called their consumer hot line.
" ' i have an idea that will make y'all a bazillion dollars.'
" ' i'm listening,' the consumer specialist said.
" ' what you need to do is punch a hole in the center of a Slim-Jim. because guys love Slim-Jims. and we also love beer.
" ' then, ' i said, 'guys could suck beer through the Slim-Jim, then bite off a hunk of the Slim-Jim.
"she hung up on me."

guess you had to be there. i would've been on the floor, except that there wasn't enough room for me to roll around.

really, REALLY funny.

he was funny.

he was even funnier. he did a Barney Fife impersonation that made me laugh. HARD.

but Bill, well....heck. i almost wet my pants laughing...at all three. but since we had great seats (really great seats), but right in the middle of the aisle, well, you get the picture.

and sorry mine are grainy. but my best bets, even with the telephoto lens, was at the big screen.

and the beer was waaaaaay expensive. (i know, Linda is saying whoopie!!), but at $7/glass, well...it severely curtailed my alcohol consumption. which was good, considering i had to work today, too.

totally fun, though. we both laughed super hard.

and then i got this...

yep. that's me with Craig Shoemaker. hobnobbing with celebs.

suuuuure.

but we had fun. totally, super, pee-our-pants laughing.

and i bought two dvds. so i can relive the yuks.

over and over.

and how expensive beer is at the Pacific Amphitheater.

ha, ha, it is to laugh.

Thanks, Maureen.
enjoy these. i'm off to see a real comedian...not the one i think i am.


Smart man + smart woman = romance
Smart man + dumb woman = affair
Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
______________________________

OFFICE ARITHMETICS
mart boss + smart employee = profit
Smart boss + dumb employee = production
Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
_____________________________

SHOPPING MATH
A man will pay $20 for a $10 item he needs.A woman will pay $10 for a $20 item that she doesn't need.
_____________________________

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
_____________________________

HAPPINESS
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
______________________________

LONGEVITY
Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
______________________________

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
_____________________________

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
A woman has the last word in any argument.Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
_____________________________

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.

busy, busy, busy.

when i'm not bitching about work or potlucks, i actually have been scrapping. here's proof.

any takers?

lookit this:

ain't it cool? it's a bad-ass ribbon holder.

ya want one?

i know who makes 'em.

he made it for Scrapbook Addict - after she saw the original he made for his wife.

seriously. he makes 'em. he's thinking of selling more. and if i had a house, instead of an apartment, i would totally buy one, drive to Vegas and pick it up.

then pick them up for dinner and drinks - non-alcoholic for them.

after today, i would need a beer.

seriously - if you're interested, let me know. or go to Jeff's blog and drop him a note.

i *do not heart* my job.

i kept telling myself all day, "we only make phone books. we do not build airplanes. we do not cure disease."

and it's a damn good thing we don't build airplanes. i would never EVER fly.

ever.

here's a quick recap on my job: i work reports all.day.long., ensuring that the graphics department is clear on all ads for the many different books going to the printer that day.

except today.

today was bad.

normally, we get a daily paging schedule from the paging department. they break down the different advertising headings for us, letting us know what they will be sending to the printer. then, we go to town.

except today.

today was bad.

the chickie who normally sends out the schedule, has been out on vay-cay all week.
lucky her.
so, her supervisor has been doing them.
lucky us.

granted, this is not his forte. so our department has been cutting him slack as he's been getting the schedule to us later and later in the day. we really need it by 8:30am, especially since paging gives graphics until 2pm every day to be clear on our forms.

today, we got ours around 11am. at 11:02, my friend come running over, a little on the freaked-out side.

it seems that suddenly, a big book has moved from paging Monday to today.
t-o-d-a-y. u-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-h.

that no good. bad medicine.

oh, and the best part is that we actually were supposed to be clear on it yesterday.
so that, along with the other books we had to be cleared on, made for one extremely stressed workgroup, AND overtime on Saturday.

and one unhappy me.

it's OK. it'll all be good. but.......

more aggrivation. tomorrow, our workgroup is having a pot luck.
we have four people going in on egg rolls.
why? because the woman who's ordering them wants them for herself. she just doesn't want to pay for all of them.

breathe. breathe. breathe.

another chickie in our group has been on Weight Watchers for some time now. and, the other day at lunch, mutters just loud enough to sort of be heard, 'well, i'm not participating at the potluck.' after a few minutes badgering, she finally says it again. outloud.

why? 'because there's nothing there i can eat.'
then bring something you can eat.
p.s. - it didn't bother you two days ago when people brought all kinds of snackies. you were there bellying up to the bar.

so, while looking over the list today, i realize no one signed up for sodas...which is unusual, considering that boys like soda. it's cheap. it's easy.

and no one chose it. BUT! i do have two guys who signed up with a ? - which is good, because then i can get soda.

boy #1, who is notoriously cheap, says he's already bought chips.
goody. that means he went to the 99cents only store.

boy #2, who is even MORE cheap than boy #1 also has a ? down.
i ask him if he would get the sodas.
he looks me square in the eye, laughs and says no.

wait...what? you said no?

fine.

so today, i not only bought my food contribution, i also bought sodas.

am i bitter? oh youbetcha. as is my best friend, who is also peeved about this whole thing. we talked later and decided that with what we've both spent on the potluck, we could've had a really good lunch.

or dinner AND drinks at the Outback.

or better yet. we just won't play. if no one else will play fair, why should we?

yep. i'm bitter. i'm cranky. i'm tired of playing by the right way when no one else does. at work and in life.

i could bring this around to the baby thing again, but i really am trying to put my big-girl panties on.

and keep 'em on.
i need ice cream.

it takes two, bay-beeee..

consider this the Noah's ark of tags.
thanks, Linda!!

Two foods you hate
stuffed green peppers
gringo (this weird casserole my stepfather makes. my mom droools uncontrollably when he makes it. i get grossed out. one of the best perks of getting married and moving out(BTW - it has crushed Fritos, cream of mushroom soup, cooked hamburger, diced Ortega chilies, cheese and some other things i don't remember. i've blocked them out)

Two TV shows that make you laugh
Burn Notice
The Bill Engvall Show

Two best things about high school
creative writing
David Hunter (sigh!)

Two favorite singers
Keith Urban (sigh, Maureen!)
Donny Osmond

Two favorite bloggers
you
you
(sneaky, huh?)

Two movies you can watch over and over
Dreamgirls
Airplane

Two favorite treats
Birthday Cake Remix ice cream from ColdStone Creamery (no, i will NOT let it go)
my grandma's recipe for peanut butter cookies.....then i found out it's really my MOM'S recipe, but dang, my grandma could bake. (and don't tell my mom, but my grandma's cookies were bunches better than my mom's. way.better.)

your turn.

oh boo-freaking--hoo.

as we all know, there are some horrible things going on in this big wonderful world of ours.

this post is not about them.

it's.about.me.
which is why i have a blog. duh.

our story begins last night, when Husband's optometrist called that his glasses were finally fixed.
(backstory on that - about three weeks ago, the Husband asked me to take his glasses back to said optometrist, the temple had broken. again. they originally said a couple of days. and like i said, that was three weeks ago. they didn't call until the Husband called the optometrist directly to let him know the issue...it went along with the fact that a month and half ago he had his eyes examed, ordered new frames and that's the last he heard from them. there have always been issues with the staff, the doctor, however, is wonderful)

so the husband asked me to pick them up for him tonight...which of course i did.

tonight. which is Bunco night.

every played bunco? it's a dice game i play with 12 other girls. it's kinda like Yatzee, only there's money involved, snacks and with any luck, good wine. usually good laughs to boot.

so no cooking for me. hip-hip-hooray!! but i still gotta eat. and nothing is sounding good for me. my stomach has been reacting to lotsa stress lately, so for any of you having tummy issues, you know what i mean.

then, it jumped out at me: slice o pizza. i know, probably not the best, especially the acidic tomato sauce. but it just sounded good. 'sides, i'm a freak. i LOVE cheese pizza the best.

i also do not like hot drinks. go ahead and shake your heads.

so i got my slice. now of course, i need dessert. (well, i don't need dessert, but...)and as luck would have it, one of these is next door to the pizza place.

and i've been jonesin' for a Birthday Cake Remix for over a month now.

they were freaking out of cake batter ice cream!!!!!!!! what the..?!!!

it's not that they don't have other flavors. other mix-ins i could've chosen. but dagnabbit, i wanted birthday cake remix! (insert sound effect of stomping feet and a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum)

so i got a vanilla bean remix. vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, fudge and brownie bits.

it was ok. *sigh* just not a birthday cake remix.

and while i know it's so insignificant, considering what's really going on in this world, it's hopefully good for a laugh.

so if you can laugh at me, maybe the outside world won't seem so sad.

and i still want my birthday cake remix, dammit.

it's the little things.

it's crazy.

all it is, is a stud through my nose.

and it did hurt to get it.

but that notwithstanding - it makes me happy.

i had no idea. but every time i see it, it makes me smile.

ain't it crazy? it's a freaking mid-life crisis after all.

but it totally makes me happy.

happy, happy, happy.

so who says money can't buy you happiness?

secret private messages

if you're not Kristie, DON'T LOOK AT THIS!! :O)

time for an intervention.

this is something i never had the courage to admit here before: i have an addict in our house.

not a diet Coke addict (that would be me). not a coffee addict (Husband). not even a pain killer addict (that would be me, or at least what my mom was convinced i was during all my back problems.).

come on in. it's time we save him from himself.

yep. Elvis. he's addicted to black tar heroin. only he calls it 'catnip.'

the worst part...i'm his dealer.

surveillance photos prove it.

here we are, negotiating the deal. you can clearly see the desire for the goods. and it's quality stuff, man.

shooting up. or snorting in this case.

the throes of the high.

addiction is not pretty.

and i need help, too, because i continue to enable him.

pray. pray that we both find the help we so desperately need.

hey, baby...want a date?

OK. so you probably already got this on an email from me.
but it really made me laugh out loud. and after this week, heck, we can all use a giggle.

and Linda - i promise. no more cracks about a slutty Shirley Temple.


Here is your dose of humor... A. Follow the instructions to find your new stripper name.
B. Once you have your new name, post it here in the comments! (yes, boys too!)
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new firstname:
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n= Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w= Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
j= jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

now that you have your new name, feel free to make me laugh by posting in my comments.
and no, i will not tuck a dollar in your g-string.

around the world. in only 10 minutes.

wow.
judging by your comments here, i say i have a strong following for my Run to the White House.

heck, and i didn't even have to soak you for $1500 a plate for blahsville chicken.

man am i stupid.

sorry to disappoint, but i'm fairly confident i won't be running for office any time soon. i can't even handle office politics without getting maddern a wet hen. and to deal with professional politicians?

hold me.
back, that is.

speaking of office fun...can someone tell me what the %^&*!@#! is wrong with me?
i have volunteered myself again. for another party planning.
while i am also planning a potluck for my workgroup.

i must have dame bramage.

the Big Boss' birthday is next week. her secretary...er, administrative assistant, and yes, this is the same one who wanted to peel my arm, came to me in a panic (panicking is something she's really, really good at) because earlier this week she sent an email to the Boss' management team about the birthday and only a few of us have responded.

so apparently, i'm the mean one who can get money out of people. or break their arms.

oh, and i'm organizing the munchie day.

and creating a 'poodle album.'

damn. she's gooooooood.

oh, but there won't be a poodle album. (the boss has a full size black poodle she absolutely loves. but Roxana, her assistant, like another friend of mine, beats things to death. seriously to the point where you would learn to hate it, because she's taken all the fun out of it.

'sides, there ain't no such thing as a poodle album.

so - i'm going with a 12'' clipboard, some totally cool teal paper from Lil' Davis and some blue/green ribbon.
niiiiice.
one of my old bosses there (hmmm. i just realized i have worked for every.dang.supervisor. there except for one...) who ROCKS in Photoshop and i will take pictures of everyone in the team holding a letter that will spell birthday. we'll take a picture of the boss' dog and digitally put a sign on her neck reading happy. then put it all together so it looks seamless.

ain't technology bitchin?

so, i'm collecting cash for a Nordstrom gift card and a cake, then we're all going out to a little local restaurant for lunch on her birthday.
this restaurant is right off a main thoroughfare in Los Alamitos (where i work). but they have tables in their back yard with a little waterfall and pond that you would think you were, well - someplace else.

oh, and did i mention the hot apple fritters they serve? constantly? they have a server who i swear their only job is to walk with a basket full of 'em.

sorry. i've drooled so much thinking about them that i've soaked the keyboard.

so you see - there's no way i can run for office. i'm too busy planning parties.

but i guarantee you this: if i do run and win, not only will i keep my campaign promises.
i'll plan one hell of a party for myself.

happy anniversary.

yep. it's the parental units.

yep, it's their anniversary.

yep, it's been 33 years.

33 years.

dude. sometimes i feel like 10 is a lifetime.

and no, my step-pop doesn't look like "duh" all the time. he's usually much crankier. but heck, if i was 81, i think i would be entitled to be cranky.

when they got married, i was a junior bridesmaid (is that like a junior birdman?) in yellow. yellow. while a happy color, not a happy color on me.

the reception was at my cousin's home here in the OC. so, when it came time to toss the bouquet, i was all over it.

like anyone was going to let a 12 year old get married. riiiiiight.

anywhooo...mom tossed. i dove. heck, it's what you'd do when you were playing baseball, right?

grass stain on a yellow dress. and yes, i did get the buttkicking i deserved.

happy memories. happy anniversary.