May 29, 2008

every drop of rain...

you know that old saw: every drop of rain holds a rainbow?

they were so full of it.

today, Gentle Reader, is my birthday. i say this not to cultivate best wishes of the day or whatever, just to set the tone for the story.

for starters, i woke up freezing around 3a.m., with a nasty headache. freezing, because HogBoy had stolen all the blankies, leaving me with a thin sheet & blanket.

then, as i got in the shower, i discovered we had no hot water.
not a drop.
nor a note from management stating that there would be no hot water.

i seriously considered just being a stinky girl. then, remembering it is my 46th year on this earth, i though if i do that, people would say i'm homeless and try to give me money, or a trip to the shelter.

so i shivered through the shower. suck it up, baby, just suck it up.

but, i did get a birthday card saying "Princess Today. Princess Tomorrow. Princess Forever."
princesses do not have to suck it up. especially when it comes to warm showers.

nice cards. nice gifts. my boss forgot it was my birthday. we ordered Mexican for lunch and had root beer floats for dessert.

then the rug got pulled out.

they announced at work that we will be having layoffs in our department. soon. like next month.

well, happy flipping birthday to me.

on the other hand...George Clooney is on the market.

well, whaddya know. there is a rainbow in every drop of rain.

if i could just make sure it's rain and not something else.

May 28, 2008

happy birthday.

this was originally for Mother's Day last year. today, however, is my mom's birthday, so i thought it was apropos to rerun. especially since she's fond of reminding me that on her 21st birthday she was in labor and got jello with a candle in it.

happy birthday, momma.

She came to California to escape.
She came with dreams, most of them broken and a heavy heart...also broken.
She came looking for a new start.

She came expecting her first child.

As the car widened the distance from the past to the future, her memory was still at home, reliving everything from the past few months. She was in love. She thought he loved her. She imagined them setting up the American Dream: 2.5 kids, white picket fence, dog in the front yard.

But what she got instead was rejection from him.

So she went to his parents. Surely they, of all people, would help. They knew her. They loved her. They said so, and how glad they were that their son had this calming influence in his life. But all she got instead was rejection from them.

How do we know it's really his? You could be doing this to trap him into a future that's not his. He's not a child. He's 21. This is his child. The conversations kept looping like annoying muzak in her brain as they drove. California would be the answer. She & her mother and this unborn child would make a new life. A fresh start. She would find a love that would embrace both herself and this child. No rejection. No judgemental eyes. Only love and a bright future.

Months raced by as she prepared for the New Arrival. Cute clothes to be purchased. Toys. A baby's room to be decorated. Yet all the time, in the back of her mind, that loop of rejection kept playing. This should be us, she thought. Not my mother and i. This should be a mother and a father planning this together.

Occasionally, she would imagine that he would come looking for her, like she used to dream as a child that her father (who left when she was three) would come back for her and her mother. That would never happen, either.

The baby was born the day after her 21st birthday. A 21st birthday should be spent celebrating, but instead she got jello and split pea soup with a candle. Instead, she spent hours birthing a breech baby who, to make things more difficult, came out with the cord wrapped around her neck.
A girl.
A girl who looked like him. Like the man who rejected her. As the baby grew, she had no time to think of the past, as she did before. Occasionally, she would fall into the trap of What Could Have Been, but would stop, look at this baby, and remember that it's your past that shapes you, but your future is what you make of it.

She came to start a new life. Both for herself and the baby girl who writes this today.

I say she did a bang up job.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom. i love you.

May 24, 2008


courtesy of Linda and Melissa. momma likey. momma also likes the fact that Husband is working on something and i get not only the computer to myself BUT i also get what chick flick i wanna see on the t.v. life, as they say, is gooooood.

Favorite person (outside family)?
one? can't be done. there's Maureen - and i dont' care if she is my sister-in-law. and of course, Kristie, who's seen me in some of the uggiest times...and yes, that does include first thing in the morning. and let's not forget my girlie Mellie...without whom Wicked Wednesday would just be...Wednesday.
Favorite food?
um. several. you don't get a bum my size and a wattle to boot without having several favorite foods. but it's gotta be fresh baked warm cookies. or bread. or orange rolls. or....
Quirks about you?
besides the egg carton thing? there's more than just a little OCD going on here. i need instructions. i crave instructions. don't always follow 'em but dagnabbit, i love 'em.
How would the person who loves you most describe you in ten words or less?
hold on. let me ask.
'beats the hell outta me.'
well, if that doesn't make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.
Any regrets in life?
that, my friend, would warrant its own post.
let's keep it short and say kids and leave it at that.
Favorite Charity/ Cause?
anything that benefits kids. 'nuff said.
Favorite Blog recently?
loving me some Tara. wishing i had 1/10th of her talent.
Something you can't get enough of?
hugs. don't care from who, but little grubby fingers do give the best hugs
Worst job you’ve ever had?
working for a pizzeria when i was in college. gah, but the owner was a total ass. gave me a menu on my first day and told me i had to have it memorized by my next shift. the next day. it didn't happen. he was cranky, mean and just a butt. don't miss him one bit.
What job would you pay NOT to have?
being a waitress. and i've done it. i never liked clearing plates, even when i was in Rainbow Girls and we were cleaning tables after a function. something about half eaten food on plates makes me want to hurl.
If you could be a fly on the wall, where?
In the daily lives of some of the bloggers I read. I'm just nosy that way. (me, too Melissa!)Favorite Bible verse right now?
I Cor. 13. yes, the whole chapter.
Guilty Pleasure?
Donny Osmond. i know it seems weird, but it seems to detract from my *ahem* ultra-cool and hip image.
Got any confessions? I
what are you, my mother?
If you HAD to spend $1,000 on YOURSELF, how would you spend it?
new clothes. new makeup. yum, yum, yum.
Favorite thing about your house?
two bathrooms. again, 'nuff said.
Least favorite thing about your house?
the kitchen is too.dang.small.
One thing you are bad at?
only one? come on. i'm bad at too many things.
One thing you’re good at?
forgetting all the things i'm bad at.
If you could change something about your circumstances, what?
i get the Husband a faboo ridiculously paying job that would never ever be effected by the economy. ever.
Who would you like to meet someday?
my friends in bloggerland.
What makes you feel sexy?
black heels.
Who is your real life hero?
my mom, even though i never say it.
What is the hardest part of your job?
people. we've got so many different personalities and they clash.
When are you most relaxed?
when i'm playing. doesn't matter if it's with my camera, or in my paper stash. or even in an inner tube on a lazy river with float-up margarita bars.
What stresses you out?
too many things. i need to learn to let go. but that's hard to do when you're OCD.
What can you not live without?
God. I don't know how other folks do.
Do you agree or disagree with the recent article that reported that blogs are authored by narcissists?
what? i'm sorry, i was too busy freshening up my makeup and admiring my cute top.
Why do you blog?
i love writing. plain & simple.

your turn. if you play, let me know so i can spy on your answers.

May 22, 2008

it's howdy-doody-meme time.

from Linda. go read her, and comment por favor. she thinks no one reads her. :o)

Ten years ago:
i was a stinking newlywed. man. it seems like so long ago.
Five things on today’s “to do” list:
there's more than five. 1) get caught up on my '28 days' class. 2) go to dinner for a birthday tonight. 3) shoot myself in the foot because i'm covering my desk, another coworker's job AND my supervisor. fun, huh? 4) go back to Weight Watchers. 5) scrub the toilet..
Five Things I’d do if I was a billionaire:
quit. buy a house. buy B a new car. buy my step-pop a new car. help more people out.
oh, who am i kidding? i would spend my way around the world.
Three bad habits:
not being on weight watchers. saying yes, when i shouldn't. whining. (but if i didn't, i probably wouldn't have a blog.)
Five places I’ve lived:
ummmm...i'll list Ximino ave., Heather Ave., 52nd St. & then to #301 and #408 here in Beautiful Buena Park.
Five jobs I’ve had:
receptionist @ Supercuts. counter girl at two restaurants. waitress @ an AA restaurant (i was in good with the cook). junior loan processor. proofreader at my current employer (heck. i could do five jobs i've had just at this place)
Five people I’m tagging:
you. you. you, over there with the hat. you annnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnd you. yes you, the one avoiding my gaze.

May 21, 2008

i have no idea what i was thinking.

but right now, my wattle is shaking in its boots. assuming, of course, it has boots.

if you Twitter, you already know. if you don't, well...i entered a contest.

a photography contest.

at the Orange County Fair this year.

good googly moogley.

i sent in my ladybug photo. if they want it for the judging, they will let me know by June 14th.

what the hell was i thinking?!?

great. now i'm gonna stress myself out checking the mail till June 14th. and the last time i waited for something in June was when i graduated high school.

believe me, i was counting the seconds. so was my Mother.

not nearly as stressful as waiting to see if i make a contest. and if my $5 entry fee was spent in vain.

May 20, 2008

bitchin' and moanin' and pissin' and whinin'...

  • i somehow managed to pull my neck muscle in the shower this a.m. no left turns for me today.
  • Brendan took his final for his class tonight. dagnabbit, there goes my one sweet night to be an obnoxious snot-hole and do whatever i want. (like that's different from any other night)
  • the other boy in our birthday dinner club from work has finally chosen a place and date for his birthday dinner...three weeks after his birthday. he had all these excuses that he was trying to find a date that worked for everyone (um, funny, he never asked what date was good for B or myself), he was SO busy (wait. you don't have kids, wife OR girlfriend, so that means you were booked playing Dungeons & Dragons), THEN he admits that there was parking lot construction going on at his apartment, and if he didn't get home right after work, he would have to park on the street. *shudder* i volunteered to pick him up and take him. he said 'oh that's not necessary, they finished construction last Friday.' dork.
  • CT scan next month for Step-pop. fingers crossed they don't find anything and that a change of meds is all it needs.
  • girlie's boyfriend smacked up his toe, and not in a good way. prayers that he gets to keep it for a good, long time.
  • 46. it's right around the corner. daaaaaaaaamn.
  • wattle's still there.
  • Husband tells me i can get plastic surgery. i say nope, if i'm having surgery it's to get the lapband, then surgery to righty-tighty all that loose skin from all the weight i'm gonna lose. then i run to the bathroom to see if the wattle got bigger. it hadn't.
  • praise be, it's cool again. we had almost a week of 90+ degree heat. today, cloudy. cool. breezy. just the way i likes it.

boo freaking hoo. PMS anyone?

May 18, 2008

coming soon: the old folks home.

within days of my 46th birthday, i made a discovery today.
a horrible, gawd-awful discovery that horrified and pissed me off all at the same time.
a discovery that no amount of nose piercings, funky clothing and Brown Betties will disguise.


don't believe me? see for yourself.

see? that be a wattle.

yep. watch it wiggle. bettern a bowl full o' Jello.

well, %$*#@!!. might as well pour some melted butter on my skin and serve with with a side of gravy at Thanksgiving.

maybe i'll call Dr. 90210.

or i'll just get some orthopedic oxfords and a membership in AARP.

May 16, 2008

Vegas, baby!

what happens in Vegas does not necessarily stay in Vegas. especially if i have a camera.
this is what happens when you have a bored 15 year old on the drive to Vegas, and she decides to have a camera war with you. you will lose and i will show these to your future boyfriends.

one of the most famous signs in the world.

a fine pub inside New York New York. i only saw one fine Irishman, and i'm married to him.
(p.s. - he also bought a shirt that says in Gaelic: if you can read this i will go to bed with you. naughty boy.)

da Strip.

New York New York

we didn't go in. they flippin' wanted $16 for admission. um, no thank you.

Paris LasVegas.

we also visited Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill at Harrah's. niiiice. what can you say about eating deep fried mac & cheese?

and did i mention that Donny & Marie are gonna be out there starting in July?? oh, happy happy day.

a good trip. all in all, a good trip. after all, it is Vegas.

well, isn't THAT special.

so i came home from Vegas with either a) a cold or b) a bad allergy to all the smoke in the casino.

when i got home, my mom told me that while i was gone, my step-pop fell off a stair at one of her quilting cronie's home. there was lots of blood.

of course, my mom sometimes gets hysterical and doesn't see things totally in perspective. my stepfather, is by nature, a good bleeder. but believe me when i tell you that he did NOT need stitches and the CT scan saw no additional injuries to his brain.

in other words, they scanned his brain and didn't find nuttin. HA! i've always wanted to use that joke.

again, i don't understand why someone couldn't have told me while i was there. i know there was nothing i could do, but still i like to know these things.


after we got home, my friend (the one i went to Vegas with) had her mom take a tumble.

parents. what are ya gonna do?


we had a potluck today for our work group's May birthdays. that would be Jeff and Patrick. notice someone was missing? oh yeah. me.

when my boss set this up, he said it would be for Jeff & Patrick. i'm not about to tell him that it's also MY birthday at the end of the month. oh well.

he's a ding-dong anyway.

moving on...

we came home from dinner tonight to the melodic strains of a drunk arguing.

'listen to ME!!!' she says.

'shut yer mouth.' he says.

ah. be it ever so humble, there's no place like the drunk tank.

happy weekend, y'all.

May 13, 2008

Viva Lost Wages.

we be back.

i'm still poor.

my friend's grandma celebrated her 95th birthday yesterday. she won more on the slots than i did.

i did, however, win myself a lovely head cold.

i am still in my pyjamas while others of our traveling party are at work. (neeener, neener, neeeee-ner!)

photos will follow...soon as i feel better.

May 8, 2008

who needs twenty questions, when you've got fifty?

Have you ever?

Well. i never. How RUDE.

Oh - wait. My bad, it's just a meme from Jax, and the rules are simple: Bold the ones you’ve done.
Here we go.

01. Bought everyone in the pub a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid (does Luxor in Vegas count?)
06. Held a tarantula (are you high?)
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone you love
08. Said 'I Love You,' and meant it.
10. Hugged a tree (hugged, no. climbed, yes)
10. Done a striptease
11. Bungee jumped (why would you jump off a perfectly good anything?)
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Stayed up all night long, and watch the sun rise
15. Seen the Northern Lights
16. Gone to a huge sports game
17. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa
18. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
19. Touched an iceberg
20. Slept under the stars
21. Changed a baby’s diaper
22. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
23. Watched a meteor shower
24. Gotten drunk on champagne (only champagne?)
25. Given more than you can afford to charity
26. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
27. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
28. Had a food fight
29. Bet on a winning horse (that would be Bates Motel here at Santa Anita racetrack. my first and so far only horse bet, my boyfriend at the time scoffed and tried to talk me out of it, but noooo...being a HUGE Alfred Hitchcock fan, i HAD to bet. i WON. and i rubbed it in his face for the rest of the day. charming, no? there is such a thing as a poor winner.)
30. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
31. Asked out a stranger
32. Had a snowball fight
33. Photocopied your bottom on the office photocopier (not my butt, but i squished my face on one once)
34. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can (every time i'm in the Haunted Mansion, baby. scares the crap outta everyone, because i wait until it's quiet. man, i'm annoying)
35. Held a lamb
36. Enacted a favorite fantasy
37. Taken a midnight skinny dip
38. Taken an ice cold bath (again - are you high?!)
39. Had a meaningful conversation with a beggar
40. Seen a total eclipse
41. Ridden a roller coaster
42. Hit a home run (i married Brendan, didn't i?)
43. Fit three weeks miraculously into three days
44. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking (if you call that dancing)
45. Adopted an accent for an entire day (ain't gonna tell you which one it was. you guess)
46. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
47. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
48. Had two hard drives for your computer
49. Visited all 50 states (working on it...working on it...)
50. Loved your job for all accounts

i tag you. if you want to play, let me know so i can see your answers.

meanwhile, i'm outta here for a few days. Vegas calls, baby, and who am i to resist its siren song?
see you next week.

May 5, 2008

want some butter for dem biscuits?


Driving in my car to and from work, i generally have a few habits. In the a.m., i listen to music, which in itself is varied. Could be country. Could be rock. Could even be some old skool disco from me heyday.

Or a cd.

Coming home is a different story. It's always a local news station. Always.
Not for traffic, just to get caught up on the day, and occasionally for a good giggle.

Today was no exception.

Apparently, there's a scientist in France who is convinced that releasing, um...air biscuits, to the tune of two liters a day, can reduce your chances of cancer.

Sufficient it to say, we're gonna live forever in my house.

(go listen to this 60 second giggle:, scroll down to the bottom of the page and look for "As I Was Saying,' by Christopher Ames for 5.5.08)

May 3, 2008


People magazine came out this week with it's 100 Most Beautiful issue. It has the usual suspects in it: George Clooney. Angelina Jolie. Patrick Dempsey. Halle Berry.

Missing? Me.

I was supposed to be in a section, aptly named 'Hot Blogger Babes and Dudes.' It was right between the pieces on Kate Hudson and Taylor Swift. For whatever reason, the section didn't make the cut this year. Something about going green, concerns about the environment, conserving paper, blah, blah, blah.


So - reprinted with absolutely no permission, here it is. My People interview.

People - So thanks again for taking the time to sit with us.

Me - Oh, no problem. My pleasure!

P - Now, for starters, how old are you again?

M - (playfully swats at reporter and laughs) Come on. Didn't your momma teach you that it's not polite to ask someone their name?

P - (also laughing) Yeah, you're right.


P - So how old are you?

M - (sighing) 45. 46 at the end of the month.

P - (surprised) Really? That's don't look older than my mom.

M - That...that's great. How old is your mom?

P - 45.

M - (befuddled)

P - (pleased with himself, feeling like he's made a connection with his subject) So! Moving on - what's the one beauty item you'd have to have on a desert island.

M - (thinking) Ummmm.....let's see...I'd have to say Burt's Bees lip balm. I hate it when my lips feel dry and puffy.

P - Yeah. I like that stuff, too. OK, next - you're running late in the morning, what's the one beauty thing...

M - ...and mascara. I LOVE mascara...Cover Girl's Lash Blast is my favorite right now. Oh! And Clinique's mineral makeup...maybe some blush, 'cuz I'm sooooo whiiiiite. And of course there's some Urban Decay eyeshadow and Benefit's Bad Gal eyeliner...

P - OK, ummm...that's more than one item. It kinda negates the idea of the 'one item/desert island' question.

M - Well, I am 45. Remember?

P - (exasperated) Well then. Moving you have a beauty secret?

M - Secret? What secret? I just told you. You think I can just get up in the morning and look like this?

P - Whatever. Look, you got a beauty secret or not?

M - Baby wipes.

P - Excuse me?

M - Baby wipes. I wash my face with baby wipes for sensitive skin. They're great.

P - (shaking head) OK. Moving on again...what was your worst beauty moment?

M - The 80's.

P - (pleased with the answer) That's great...when?

M - The whole decade. I mean, come on: pink eyeshadow with shocking blue eyeliner and to top it off: bright yellow highlighter? Oy.

Things kinda went downhill after that. The reporter left our abode muttering something about I was crazy, he should've taken the job at the New Yorker, and that he was late to interview Tammy Faye.

It took a couple of hours before I realized she had died last year.

Oh well. There's always next year.

Stay tuned. Next week I'm writing about the time I was on The Mike Douglas Show.