May 18, 2008

coming soon: the old folks home.

within days of my 46th birthday, i made a discovery today.
a horrible, gawd-awful discovery that horrified and pissed me off all at the same time.
a discovery that no amount of nose piercings, funky clothing and Brown Betties will disguise.


don't believe me? see for yourself.

see? that be a wattle.

yep. watch it wiggle. bettern a bowl full o' Jello.

well, %$*#@!!. might as well pour some melted butter on my skin and serve with with a side of gravy at Thanksgiving.

maybe i'll call Dr. 90210.

or i'll just get some orthopedic oxfords and a membership in AARP.


Tug said...

Oh sweetie, don't even get me started.


doodlebugmom said...

I have heard if you look up at the ceiling and say the alphabet,3 or 4 times a day, it will help your next lok good...of course if you get caught doing this you will be commited and no one in the asylum will care what your neck looks like.


Susie Q said...

You so totally crack me up girl.
Now, would you like to take wattles? Oh baby...let's talk mine. I have wattles on wattles. My wattles write books so other people's wattles know how to behave.

Then we could talk about upper arm fat, back fat and facial hair. Sagging and bagging and varicose veins. Or, we could talk about
movies. I vote for that...but only movies with older actresses who have wattles too.

And I think you are beautiful, funny and very brave. And, did I mention, danged funny?

Love ya,

Melissa said...

You are WAY too hard on yourself. Why, just the other day, I pulled two whole gray hairs out of my own head! And, I'm developing crow's feet at an alarming pace.

See, that chin thing isn't so bad, is it?

Anonymous said...

I'm with Susie Q. I have wattles (never heard them called that), arm flaps, muffin tops on top of muffin tops and my ass has tripled in size over the past year. All that beautiful weight I lost is pretty much back with the exception of about six lbs.

Getting old sucks!