hugs to my girl, Kristie.

gramma will be missed.

prayers, please for my girl and her family - gramma passed in her sleep this a.m. and even if i did try to kill her by catapulting her from her wheelchair once, she still liked me.

or at least pretended to.

i'll miss you Sylvia.

drunks: a never ending source of entertainment.

if you've ever drank, or gone out with people who have, or even watched most sitcoms, you've see 'em: the one drunk in the group who is so gone, so completely out of it, that it's a dang good reason to a) not drink or b) start drinking harder.

and then there's c) comedy.

there are a lot of people out there, mostly girls, that cannot hold their liquor. they either run the gambit of entertaining or pathetic...and yes, they can be both.

Saturday night was entertaining.

Brendan & i drove down to San Clemente, about 35-40 minutes from our casa. his old boss from San Diego was in one of his many bands (this guy is either forming, or joining a band every two years) and was playing.

we had a table near the stage, and, next to us, was two of our finest: Marines from nearby Pendleton.

i don't know when this other group showed up, but there was about four of them, all girls, and one was completely wasted.

she would get up near the stage, shaking her money maker and pulling on her top just enough to see her belly ring AND her tat on the back. dancing by herself.

to paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy, any time you see a drunk girl dancing by herself, you know her top's coming off before the end of the evening.

at one point, she plopped herself down at the Marines table and eventually pulled one of them, reluctantly, onto the dance floor.

and why she thought it was a good idea, we will never know, but she did a cartwheel.

on the dance floor.

right into the speaker.

we about laughed ourselves into a stupor. right or wrong, it was funny. she wasn't hurt, got right up and probably would've tried it again, but her friends pulled her over to their table.

and you know that Sunday morning, when she woke up, she would wonder how she got those bruises on her face...and a hangover that just won't quit.

every drop of rain...

you know that old saw: every drop of rain holds a rainbow?

they were so full of it.

today, Gentle Reader, is my birthday. i say this not to cultivate best wishes of the day or whatever, just to set the tone for the story.

for starters, i woke up freezing around 3a.m., with a nasty headache. freezing, because HogBoy had stolen all the blankies, leaving me with a thin sheet & blanket.

then, as i got in the shower, i discovered we had no hot water.
not a drop.
nor a note from management stating that there would be no hot water.

i seriously considered just being a stinky girl. then, remembering it is my 46th year on this earth, i though if i do that, people would say i'm homeless and try to give me money, or a trip to the shelter.

so i shivered through the shower. suck it up, baby, just suck it up.

but, i did get a birthday card saying "Princess Today. Princess Tomorrow. Princess Forever."
princesses do not have to suck it up. especially when it comes to warm showers.

nice cards. nice gifts. my boss forgot it was my birthday. we ordered Mexican for lunch and had root beer floats for dessert.

then the rug got pulled out.

they announced at work that we will be having layoffs in our department. soon. like next month.

well, happy flipping birthday to me.

on the other hand...George Clooney is on the market.

well, whaddya know. there is a rainbow in every drop of rain.

if i could just make sure it's rain and not something else.

more stuff going on...

more random blabberings....

• have i mentioned how much i'm loving this show? it's silly. i like silly.
• we rejoined Weight Watchers two weeks ago. weighed in last week - i lost 1.5 lbs. HE lost 8.2 lbs. nope. not a typo. being a girl sometimes really sucks.
• i'm finding, the major weight loss on his part notwithstanding, that i dig finding new recipes. here's one we had last week that rocked:

Pork Chops w/ Caramelized Onions (points value - 5 for 1 chop and about 1/2 cup onion mixture, in case you are on WW, too)

4 - 4oz boneless center cut pork loin chops

1/4 tsp salt & 1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp olive oil

1 large onion halved lengthwise and thinly sliced

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

2 tbs brown sugar

place pork chops between 2 sheets of heavy duty plastic wrap and pound slightly to an even thickness using a meat mallet or small heavy skillet. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Sprinkle chops with salt & pepper, add to pan and cook 2-3 minutes on each side. Remove from pan and wrap in foil to keep warm.

Add onions to pan, cover and cook over medium high heat 6 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add vinegar, cook 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Sprinkle with brown sugar, cook for a minute, still stirring constantly. Spoon over chops and serve. yum-o!

other than that...oh and a weigh in tomorrow...which will be interesting since i ate quite the amount of spinach dip at Maureen's. (but dang it was goooooood) and the Husband joining the ranks of the unemployed yesterday (and kids, i was FAR more upset than he was), well...it's been an interesting year.

to say the least. can't wait to see what's next.

be it ever so humble...

there's no place like home. except for Reno, of course.

oh, so many stories.

so much fun.

we watched "The Water Horse," which i gotta admit was FAR better than i expected. we played Clue and Monopoly and i taught the kids how to play with my Nintendo DS.

i found out what it must be like to be a suppository.

it's like this, see. i flew out of Long Beach, the city of my birth, which has a small, totally cool airport. they don't even have jet ways, you walk out onto the tarmac to get to your plane.

and as i walked up the stairs to get in the plane, i thought 'dang. that flight attendant is t-a-l-l.'

foolish me.

she wasn't tall. the plane is small.

my brother-in-law, who works for the FAA, calls it SmurfAir. when i entered the plane, the ceiling of the plane was maybe four inches above my head. and i ain't that tall.

but a nice airline. i'd fly again.


overheard....

while up in Reno, darling niece says -
"Aunt Valerie, are you old?"

"you bet, baby. i'm REAL old."

"then you need LifeAlert, so you can live alone."

OK kids. if you know me, and most of you do, you know i usually have an answer, smart-ass or serious, for pretty much everything.

not this time. sit down. i was speechless. finally, i managed to get out, "well.....ok.....but what about Uncle Brendan?"

"it's OK, he can get one, too."

ah - out of the mouths of babes.

i hate school.

i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.
i hate it.

and i'm still the youngest and dumbest in the class.

did i mention i hate it?
gah - i hate being stupid.

confirming my geekiness...

or my total white trashiness. either one is good.

have you seen the movies that are coming out lately?

Elizabeth - The Golden Age.
The Kingdom.
In the Shadow of the Moon.

and i want to see this.

i.am.a.freak.

where would i be without stealing?

new material, that is. shamelessly stolen from my girlie Linda, who i still love, even though she won't take my money for postage.

HA!

Five Bad Habits (and i agree, sweetie...only five? dang. i could keep y'all here all.dang.day.)

1)being sarcastic. now i realize it may not be that bad, but amusing as it can be, it's probably not the best way to be.

2)money. i probably spend more than i should on silly things, but i notice lately i'm a stress spender.

3) scrapbooking collecting. a lot like #2, but i'm really trying to USE more and BUY less. sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

4) Wicked Wednesday. my friend at work and i have this habit of being, well, not nice on Wednesdays. it just started and now i'm really trying hard to stop it. because although we laugh our bums off sometimes, it's not part of the Gentler/Kinder me i'm working on.

5) being lazy. i'm trying to not put off things i need to do - for myself. wait. that could be construed as being selfish. maybe i could make that #6.

in other news...

i got my nose pierced yesterday.

wait...what? i already did? you think i've lost my mind?

that would be right. on both counts.

seems that yesterday, after showering, i was blotting my hair, then wiped my face. and yes, i managed to pull the stud out almost all the way.

once a klutz, always a klutz.

spent almost 20 minutes trying to get it back in. because it's in an 'L' shape, i couldn't get it past the bend.

the Husband wouldn't touch it. grosses him out.

so finally, frustrated and yes, crying (not because it hurt, because i was SO FREAKING FRUSTRATED), i pulled it out. and later that day, called the tattoo parlor that fixed my stud last time, and found that yes, the piercer was in and would be till closing.

which is 2am. i ain't a-getting a piercing @ 2am. i'm either sleeping or...sleeping.

so, after work, i took the stinking horrible nasty 91 freeway down to their establishment. not that the freeway is in bad shape, it's just that it's one of the major freeways in Mostly Smoggy So. Cal. that is ALWAYS messed up. either traffic-wise, or accidents or sleeping bags in the lanes.

yes. it really happened.

i got there, picked out the stud i wanted (blue. again)and filled out the release form. again.
told him i'd like to have it in the same hole, but when he looked at it, he got 'the look' on his face. the look that says - well, i could try to reinsert it but it ain't gonna be fun and i think this'll really hurt. a lot.

so i said, go for the other side.

(see - even though it had only been 8 hours, he has told me before that nose piercings close up really quickly. and although i could've kept the stud where it was, it wasn't pretty, hanging half way out of my nose, and i'm not into grossing out people.)

kids. it.didn't.hurt. seriously. i was bracing for it, because it hurt when i first got it pierced. it hurt even more when he replaced my stud. but this...not an owie, or a tear was shed.
and this place is quite specific on their after-care. wash 3 times a day with anti-bacterial soap and water on a Q-tip. follow with Bactine on the Q-tip and make sure to rotate the stud to ensure the Bactine gets in the hole.

man. my original place told me to wash it. these guys are serious. i like that.

so , now i have a matching set. a red owie on the left side. a new blue stone on the right side.

fun.

carpe Saturday, everyone!

that was the week that was. redux.

this has been a crapper of a week.

i won't bore you or try to bring you down with all the numbing details. let's just summarize with the week started out really, really hot (thanks, Kenny for the lovely poem!), and ended not so good.

the Husband had problems at work - nothing earth shattering, but enough to make him come home every.dang.night. beyond cranky.

the word bitchy comes to mind.

lotsa stamping of the feet, cussing, and muttering under his breath...a sure sign he's about to have a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum.

swing yer arms in the air...stomp yer feet like yew jus' don' care...now promenade!

add to that, that it wasn't a good week in the directory making biz, either. a big directory that was supposed to be going to the printer this week got put on hold, taken off hold, then put back on the printer schedule.

only to be taken off again.

add to that just the usual drama of my place of employment, and well...it was just a ton 'o' fun for the whole family.

and yesterday, my boyfriend told me he was leaving for a new job.

ok. if you know me, you know i would never ever play around on my marriage.
so here's what i mean.

this is one of two guys that were promoted as a lead same time i was. while one was, let's say, full of it..er, himself, had no problem starting in the job. (he actually told me not so long ago that he wonders why it is that he's only a lead, when he knows he's smarter than his boss. i told him that while it bloody could be, it would be better to keep that opinion to oneself.)

this other guy - my boyfriend - was so the opposite of that. he is shy, a little quiet, and not sure of what he should be doing. i became his mentor, in a way. i tried to help him understand about the new jobs he was taking on (after all, i had done most of 'em for a while before i got promoted). i tried to let him know he was doing a great job, and to not be intimidated by our fellow lead, EgoBoy.

i really felt bad when, last year, i got sent to Pennsylvania three times for work, EgoBoy got sent once, but my boyfriend didn't. i know he felt disappointed.

i was really happy for him when, the Big Boss asked him to be the acting night supervisor for a few months.

and i cried yesterday when he told me he was leaving the company.

i'm sad for me. he's the greatest guy, second only to my Husband. he's got two great kids. he is, as my grandmother would say, a great catch.

as you know, we don't have kids. but i can only imagine this is what it must feel like when your kid leaves home for college (Linda?). you're happy for them, going to make a new mark in the world, but a part of your heart is dying because they're leaving.

and you can't protect them.

then. to add insult to injury, i got hit by a bus, who then backed up and ran over me again and again and again and again...

while i died. of embarrassment.

my friends, who were driving said bus, started teasing me about my boyfriend while we were at lunch. and not in ways i was happy about. i was embarrassed, and, as i usually do, i started crying a little.

then...

one of my friends, who was at lunch with me, (and doesn't know how to not beat a dead horse) walked up to my boyfriend and asked him if his ears were burning during lunch. no? well, we were talking about you leaving and Valerie was crying.

don't i have great friends? isn't this great? because i still have to work with him. i still need to talk to him several times a day. i still have to look at him, knowing he knows what i know: that some of my friends are being beeyatches and are inferring things that aren't there.

the only good thing that happened to me yesterday was the Big Boss called me in the office and presented me with a $150 AmEx gift cheque for services above and beyond the call of duty.

oh wait. it wasn't good. i got taxed on that.
see? no good deed goes unpunished.

but - it's a new day. i'm hoping this weekend will not only heal both the Husband's bad week and mine, but that by Monday all the innuendo will be a thing of the past by Monday.

isn't that a Jimmy Buffet song?

come Monday, it'll be all right.

prayers, please...

for a dear girlie of mine who's heart is hurting big time.

she's been on this nasty infertility trip, too...and got a kick in the belly she didn't deserve.

love you, girl. you know who you are.

a mystery of life.

here's something i just do not get.

not global warming.
not i-phone.
not even Lindsay or Paris.

i.don't.get.Hollywood.

here's what i mean. i don't get how it can be when, on TV or movies or whatever, that right after a love scene (you know what i'm talkin' 'bout), when they cut to the next morning, the she in the he/she equation, wakes up the next morning with still-perfect hair, creamy skin, and looking like she just got out of the makeup chair.

which she did.

hell - these chicas often look better than they did the scene before, when the ravages of lust were taking their toll on their faces. and other places.

while i, in the real world, woke up this a.m. with one side of my hair STANDING STRAIGHT UP. mascara formed a map of the Continental United States under the eye opposite my scared straight hair. AND just to make it more fun was the zit forming, right where Washington DC would be.

not to mention the dried track marks of drool down my chin and neck.

lovely.

all i can say is it's a damn good thing i got up before Brendan did. it might scare him enough to start wearing his sleep mask again, just to avoid that waking nightmare.

ah, the theater.

i do so love the theater.

the Husband, ehhhh-not so much.

one year for Christmas, he bought tickets to see The Producers, when it was here in L.A.

he fell asleep.

he said it was because he didn't feel good. then, it was because it was so hot in the theater.

whatever. i dang near peed myself laughing at them.

even as a young minon, i would go with my mom, and friends, and whoever i could get to, to go to Long Beach Civic Light Opera, or other local theaters.

and being partial to musicals, well...that is just the icing on the cake.

and my best girl, Kristie, saw Wicked last night. in NYC.
again, i'm not bitter.

but it just reminded me of different plays i've seen: Mame. the King and I and others. just good entertainment.

and i dug every one of em.

most productions i saw were amatures, but there were some celebrities.
Belinda Carlisle (from the Go-Gos) and Barry Williams (YES. Greg Brady) together. in Grease.

pretty.dang.good.

and my favorite one: Cinderella.

Rogers & Hammerstein. not Disney. not that i have anything against the Mouse, but this is just so classic...i remember seeing it on TV in black and white with Leslie Ann Warren - *sigh*
so, in my 20s, when we had the chance to see Cinderella in Long Beach, Mom & i jumped at it.

this production only had one celebrity in it. Greg Louganis.

did you know he could act? apparently neither did he.

i know. that was catty and mean. but i swear, this had to be the very first time he ever stepped out on a stage. without rehearsals. poor guy forgot more than half his lines, and since he couldn't sing, period, he did a Rex Harrison and sang/spoke through his songs.

think William Shatner singing his version of "Rocket Man." you'll get the idea.

but it didn't turn me off. i still love musical theater. still want to see Wicked.

still think Greg shouldn't act. stick to swimming, my friend. you truly rock at that.

this is ridiculous.

i am freaking 45 years old.
i have a zit.
on my nose.
right above my nose piercing.
and if that isn't bad enough, another one is right on the end of my nose.
can you say Christmas in June? 'cause i look like Rudolph.
i have bags under my eyes that the TSA is looking to check.
and i just pulled the stud partially out of my nose. again.
owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.owie.

and it's only 6 a.m.
can't even imagine what the rest of the day holds. yipppeeeeeeee!

it sucky-suck-sucks...

to be seven years old AND be really super sick on your birthday, which also happens to be the same day you're supposed to be having your birthday pool party.

poor Deano. get well soon!

p.s. - Erin? Daddy? please don't get sick. if you get sick, then Mommy gets sick. and THAT'S as bad as y'all getting sick.

holy crap, he's at it again.

stop me if i've told you this before...

a few years ago, the Big Boss asked me to give a presentation on my job, what i do, and how what the ad designers do (and don't do) effect me every day.

no problem. i can yak up a storm.

after my spiel, i asked if anyone had any questions. and, from the back of the room, a hand popped up, and here was the question:

"yeah, what's your real hair color?"

ha. ha. very funny. so funny i forgot to laugh.

this guy (yes, it's a guy) really has the mannerisms of a clod of dirt. he thinks he's being funny, and seven times out of ten, no - he's not. what he says is not always (or intended to be) hurtful.

he's just an idiot.

well - he's done it again.

checking my work email this a.m., and i see he sent me something after i left work last night. it's entitled "the UNemployable"

and the first line, direct from his own fingers... "this is going to be you in a couple of years!"

not a threat, kids...it's pictures. of people. with lotsa piercings. through the chin, the tongue, the eyebrows...

ha.

the funny thing is, despite my current PMS status, i'm not angry. i'm just hurt.
a little sensitive, i know, but why he thinks things like this is funny, and to make the jokes at others expense, well...

the pictures, in case you were wondering, really were gross. and ew, not something you should be sending through company email.

and not something to send to a chick with a nose piercing, dyed hair and PMS.

a new medicine, unwelcome guests and addendum.

wow. a trifecta post. i'll try to be interesting..for a change. :o)

on Wednesdays, i head over to the Parents' abode to say hi and generally visit. (such a good girl, i know). and today was no exception.

last night was Bunco, and i opted out. Mom, however did go, and picked up from one of the girls three paper bag books that this girl wants me to put together. (fine. there will be money involved this time) she also brought back some little notebooks i put together before last Christmas to sell at the boutique at work. she was going to sell on eBay.

they didn't.

great. i'm a two time loser. can't sell at work, can't sell on eBay.

so here's my new medicine idea: EgoEase. you can take them and all ego issues are vanished!

they're fast acting! and easy on your stomach! best of all, you don't need a prescription!

ahh-hem. onwards.

this morning...i walked out of a lovely shower, feeling not only clean, but at peace with the world (obviously before i decided to smush my ego), when....

look! a visitor!!

that would be a cricket. on.my.pants.

now i love nature as much as the next girl, just not on my pantalones.

what a sissy. needless to say i captured the beast, and set him free outside.

(and don't you be emailing or posting me and telling me this is a cucarocha. i know what i know and i believe what i wanna believe.)

now for the addendum.

'member the other day when i talked about nicknames? well, i oopsied. BIG time. one i was reminded of, the other i remembered on my own. (thank heavens. i'm not as old as i though)

Auntie Vowel and Aunt Balery.

AV came courtesy of Kristie's two babies...who aren't babies any more, but i just found out they read this rambling blog and i like to irritate them by CALLING THEM BABIES!!!! NAAAAAHH

Jourdan started calling me Auntie Vowel, trying to say Val and well, it came out Vowel. (Brendan likes to say he's Uncle Consonant. i say nice try.)

AB came courtesy of Maureen's oldest, Dean. let's face it, B & Vs sometimes sound the same, much less say the same, especially when you're just a little shaver. (and i know, Dean, you're not -- you're almost 7) {p.s. - he probably doesn't read this, but i thought i'd just cover my bases. just.in.case.}

semi-big doins' tomorrow. actually only big to me, and i actually missed the one i really wanted, so i'll go with this...just wait till tomorrow!

english & karma classes now in session.

i·ro·ny1 [ahy-ruh-nee, ahy-er-]
1.
the use of words to convey a meaning that is the opposite of its literal meaning: the irony of her reply, “How nice!” when I said I had to work all weekend.
2.
Literature.
a.
a technique of indicating, as through character or plot development, an intention or attitude opposite to that which is actually or ostensibly stated.
b.
(esp. in contemporary writing) a manner of organizing a work so as to give full expression to contradictory or complementary impulses, attitudes, etc., esp. as a means of indicating detachment from a subject, theme, or emotion.
3.
dramatic irony.
an outcome of events contrary to what was, or might have been, expected.
the incongruity of this.
an objectively sardonic style of speech or writing.
an objectively or humorously sardonic utterance, disposition, quality, etc.

ah, irony. you're going steady with karma, ain'tcha?

we had our first of three birthday dinners for May tonight..a yummy fiesta at El Torito, a mexican food chain. i brought the shower gifts for the girl who's shower i purposely ditched.

remember that?

apparently the Powers that Be do too.

i got asked today to plan not only a baby shower for my boss, BUT for another girl in our group who's due next month.

hey. at least this one is married.

what am i supposed to learn from this? what great life lesson am i supposed to take away from this...being surrounded by pregnancy?

sometimes...like tonight...it just feels like a slap in the face. over and over and over.

i just don't get it.

i really think i'm a patient person. after all, i deal with my Husband and his emotions on a daily basis.
so if the Lord is trying to teach me that, i think i've already got that lesson down.

or maybe i don't.

i'm many things. like everyone else, i have many layers.

but this is just a constant poking at a sore. it doesn't get any better. and if what kills me only makes me stronger, i'm freaking Supergirl by now.

ta. i'm off to race a speeding bullet and arm wrestle a locomotive.

because i don't let him out much.

or Chapter 278 in How We Are Slowly Trying to Kill and/or Permanently Maim Ourselves.

this past Saturday, i was putting the dishes from the dishwasher away, and employing the Husband to help.

heck, he helps get 'em dirty, the least he can do is put the clean ones away, right?

whilst this is going on, i'm chatting on the phone with my dear friend Kristie (who reads but never comments. but no pressure. hi sweetie!). i'm handing articles of eating to the Husband, who puts them away. as i hand him a pair of tongs, i say, "can you also fix this?"

see, the little band that keeps the tongs closed has wiggled its way over the nut (not my nut) and i can't move it back.
i turn my attention back to pulling more things out of the dishwasher when i hear:

#$%!*&%!@*%###!!!

when i turn around, i see red. on.his.thumb.

see, my Husband, the Rhodes Scholar, decided to use a paring knife to force the band back over the nut. with the blade facing his body.

thankfully, no trip to the hospital was required on this go-round.

and i was always the klutzy one that everyone in my family figured i'd be dead by the time i was 20. by my own undoing.

suddenly i feel like a graceful princess.

how could i pay more attention?

i was busy being in love with David Johnson.

You paid attention during 74% of high school!

68-84% Pretty good, you know that there are libraries and newspapers, and you remember what you've read. You were a child that wasn't left behind!

Do you deserve your high school diploma?
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warning: the following post is a little bitter.

bitter. pissy. angry. hurt. jealous. discouraged.

but mostly jealous and sad. very, very sad.

i have a group of girls i go out to dinner with during each member's birthday month. we all worked together, albeit in different departments, but at the same location, so we rarely see each other.

while i've been down with this creeping, stomping crud, they went out for the first birthday of the year. one of the girls, who's near my age, has her 20-something niece living with her.

four years ago, this girl stayed with her boyfriend, even after he said he didn't want to be with her any longer. they broke up. they got back together. his family was pressuring him to "grow up" and get married. settle down. start a family.

so they got back together and had a very nice wedding.

he started seeing someone online, and she did the same to "get back" at him.
they divorced before their first anniversary.

in the meantime, she somehow got herself fired, lost her car, and started dating.
fast forward to last week, when, at dinner, my friend notices that this girl has gained weight.

bet you can see where this is going.

i found out yesterday that the girl's aunt finally confronted her and asked her if she was pregnant.

yeah, but only five months.

five months?! that's more than half a term. no one knows if she's even been to the doctor before this. her aunt was taking her to her doctor yesterday and they were going to discuss "options," what ever that means. neither one is happy about the pregnancy.

and neither am i.

in this day and age, there's no excuse for an adult woman who decides to have sex outside of marriage, to not be on some sort of birth control. none. zip. nada. even if you're not making a lot of money, there's Planned Parenthood and local free clinics.

and once again, i don't understand how it can be that Brendan & i are denied kids, when others, completely unprepared and unwanting of a pregnancy, have one.

so i apologize for being angry, sad and bitter. it's just that no matter how much i think i'm "over" the baby thing, something comes up and slaps me in the face again. then suddenly i'm awash in fresh pain, like the first time i realized we couldn't have kids.

so again. i apologize.