Jun 30, 2007

do the clam!

i, and others of my generation, have it good.

when we were growing up, we had some interesting role models. old traditions of what women are and should do were being shattered. women re-entered the workforce en mass. they worked (and still do) on destroying the glass ceiling. they burned their bras.

well, two outta three ain't bad.

but my point is, to quote a certain old cigarette commercial, we've come a long way, baby.

except for me.

Gentle Reader, i am a baby. bay-bee. however, i can rescue spiders (i hardly ever kill 'em, i try to set 'em free) - i don't freak out at bugs, snakes or sales. (don't get me started on the missing "chick genes," that the Husband says are gone...that's another post)

but when it comes to my food - it needs to be different. how different?

like not look like it's original packaging.

here's an example: not long after we got married, we went out to dinner with friends to a seafood restaurant called the Crab Pot. they had a special called, you guessed it: the Pot. it was a traditional New England seafood boil: potatoes, corn, shrimp, and whatever else - dumped on the paper-covered table in front of you.

it's most neanderthal in nature. grunt, grab and grub. i have no problem with that...except...

the shrimp had eyes. because their heads were still on!!


couldn't do it. just couldn't do it. i really like my food to, well...not look like it's original packaging.

my pork can't look like Porky. my steaks not like Bossy and my fish should not, under any circumstances, look like Nemo.

fast forward to last night.

dinner started with the most faboo clam chowder ever. EVER. then came a bowl of clams & mussels. never having either in the shell, well... it was an experience, but they were good.

then came the centerpiece of the dinner: a whole Maine lobster. do let me repeat that: whole.Maine.lobster. with antenna. with eyes.

holy freaking crap.

neither of us have had any experience with a whole lobster. or crab, either. when we've gone to Mexico for lobster, it's been cleaned up. the nasties taken off. NO FREAKING EYES!!!!

so, being adults in age only, we attempt to get cracking.

sorry. i had to say it.

we eventually called on the maiter'd for some pointers, then went back to the task at hand.

wait a minute. what the hell is that green slimy crap?!
the Husband leans across the table and says "avoid it."
but what is it??
not sure, he says, but avoid it.

avoid it?! damn! it's everywhere!! how can i avoid it? ew.ew.ew.ew.ew.ew.ew.ewwww!

meanwhile, Larry the Lobster is still fixing a steely eye on me. i was trying to keep my Big Girl Panties on, but kids, it was getting harder and harder.
even though it was completely all in my head, i could feel my tum-tum getting a little squirrley.

it really was good. it was just something i wasn't used to..or the Husband, either.
on the drive home, he was convinced that all our problems could be solved by the interenet.

"i'm gonna go to ask.com, and look up How to Eat a Whole Lobster. then we'll have instructions and can do this better next time."

there can be a next time. really, there can.
but there just better not be a head. or eyes. or green crap inside.


doodlebugmom said...


I don't do any sea food, just a little incident involving oysters on Christmas eve many, many years ago.

You are braver than I!

smileymamaT said...

k well for starters, I do not eat whole lobsters. I like the fakey red and white stuff wrapped in plastic at the grocery store. However, I have heard that the green stuff is some kind of delicacy (who the hell decides these things, I do not know) but I grew up in Maine, and I still feel bad for the little guys crawling around in the live tanks at Shop-n-Save just waiting to get picked out and boiled. I, too, do not want to see my food in it's original packaging. EWIE.

Lissete said...

I don't eat seafood either. Except fried fish (w/o the face) filets. With lotsa tartar sauce. And chips of course! I take it you won't eat here:


Anonymous said...

So some, that green crap is a delicacy. Not so much to me. That green crap is exactly that ... crap!

Love lobster though. Love crab more. But, I'm with you, eye have to go!

Allison said...

When I was in Mississippi, of course we had to try crawfish. I REFUSED to eat the little buggers... they were looking at me! Then one of the girls offered to peel it for me, and I tried it. DELICIOUS. But still refused to peel my own.
What really got to me was when one of the other girls started to play with hers. They were dancing, singing, and going for a dip in her lemonade.