Jan 13, 2007

well, good morning, sunshine!

there's nothing like waking up early on a weekend.
enjoying the silence, the feeling that you are the only one in the entire world.
the occasional sound of traffic, and, when it's warmer, birds singing their morning song...the wind blowing through eucalyptus trees...
the melodious strains of gitoverhereandshutmyeffingdoor.


oh yeah. nothing say "good morning!" like an F-bomb being dropped at oh-dark-hundred.

we both woke up to some chick yelling at her man to "come shut my effing door." loudly. clearly. remember how your grandma used to say that kids could wake the dead? believe me, the dead would've called the police on this one.

and we did. Husband picked up the phone and called our local police.

the yelling went on for a while. she kept saying the same thing. whoever she was yelling at, did have the courtesy to keep his voice down. but not her. i kept hearing him ask her to give his phone back. she kept telling him to shut her effing door.
actually, i didn't know doors could eff.

well, live and learn!

give him his phone back or i will come down there and shut your door for you - i thought.
(by the way - i only talk a good fight. i am such a wussie that i know i hit like a girl)

speaking of...the chick outside also hits like a girl.

the two of them (and some other guy), moved out from under the carport, to the uncovered parking across from our apartment. where she started hitting him. to his credit, he didn't hit back, but she was making me laugh with such tuff-girl statements as "yeah, you're scared now, huh muther$%@#!...huh? huh?"

excuse me? i live in the suburbs. when did i relocate to a Jerry Springer show?

she stomped off after a few non-lethal smacks.

i don't know if the police ever showed up. i don't know if he got his phone back. i don't even know if she got her effing door shut.

but i do know there are better ways to wake up.


Susie Q said...

That would make a great alarm clock voice thingee...WAKE UP YOU $%$#&&&*ING IDIOT!!! hee hee...Well *I* would Get up!
You are such a hoot Valerie and you write so darn well.
We have lived in a lot of apartments and hoo boy. The stories....our last one, in upstate NY, had some dillies! Or is it dillys? Whatever, we had some wild experiences there with neighbors. : )
Some people...

Hope your evening is better than your early morning!

andie said...

what great effin neighbors you have!!!