Jan 18, 2007

searching for...


but my house is clean - cleaner than it's been in two years. so i don't have to search for the floor.
or mail on the table.

we're nearing the end of week two for the new job. poor guy is already throwing himself into the fire.

i'm not doing enough. i'm doing too much. i'm screwing up. i'm being coddled.

the boy can never do enough, in his opinion. and can never see himself the way i do.

granted, i have a jaded eye. i'm partial. but not so much that i don't see the potential in him.
the grit. the determination in his soul. the desire to excel and not let anyone down.

except himself.

he's never good enough. never quick enough. never funny enough. never tough enough.

it's never enough. not for him.

and i stand and watch. helpless.

all the words i can say, all the encouragement i can give, and all the soothing to his soul can't get through to the core of his being. only he can.

and he's still searching for a way to get there.

so i'm still searching for peace.

but mostly peace. and all for him.


Susie Q said...

I have a guy just like that too...it hurts to see then so hard on themselves doesn't it?
He is a lucky duck to have you m'dear! I am betting he knows that too!
Loved the post....
Love and hugs to you both,

Melissa said...

What a poignant post. It's sad that he can't see what others see in him, but it's so nice that you, who know him better than anyone, are his biggest cheerleader.

Here's to hoping you (both) find what you're looking for.

doodlebugmom said...

Sounds like he is very hard on himself. You can always remind him he did a great job at chosing a wonderful wife =)

(I like the new look blog look!)