Jul 17, 2007


this will not come as a surprise to most of you, and i don't want you to be alarmed, but....

there are a-holes out there.

yep. i know. how long have i been around? and i'm just figuring that out?

well, i'll qualify: some are aholes, some are just schmucks.
what's the difference?
an ahole is just mean. a schmuck just doesn't know any better.

case in point.

yesterday, while talking to my boss, our department assistant came up with some papers for him to look at. then she saw my arm. my leprosy ridden arm. the one i got a sunburn on and is now peeling.

you'da thought she won the lotto. practically jumping up & down she was, excited that my arm is peeling.

"can i peel it?!" she said, clapping her hands. seriously. she was clapping her hands.

ummmm, no!

the look on her face was like a child's when you tell them they cannot have the toy they want more than anything else in the world.

"please?" she beseeched. "i love peeling them, i won't hurt you and i really like it when it comes off in a big piece."

no. go get your own burn, i said.

she was truly disgruntled. so sorry, but you ain't a-peeling me. i am not your personal banana.

and lest you think i'm being unreasonable...know this: before she came down yesterday, she told my friend her stomach was upset. why? she had eaten some shrimp that had been in her car. all day.


that, Gentle Reader, is the definition of a schmuck.

now in case you need one for an a-hole, consider this:

someone tried to set a fire near the Husband's motorcycle in our carport.


i came home today to a note stuck in my door from our handyman...one super cool guy who really cares about what he does - a rarity these day, no?

he was fixing the parking gate over on the other end of our complex, when he happened to notice something and assumed it was trash he needed to pick up.

it was only when he got over there, he could see it was some charcoal briquettes and some slightly burned paper. most likely some pyro teenage boys thinking they were funny.

there's been a few other incidents...a fire started in a dumpster. someone trying to start a fire with old athletic shoes.

it's good to know, isn't it, that some people out there are soooo dumb, they don't even know how to set a good fire.

obviously they never were in Scouting.

there is a good laugh in all this...while our handyman was talking to the police (yes, he called them too, and submitted a report on our behalf), another tenant came by and chatted him up about what was going on, etc. then, this tenant said that we probably set the fire ourselves so we could get the insurance money.

riiiiiight. we're gonna set fire to our own crappy stuff, possibly lose the entire carport and people's goods AND risk jail time so we can get a few hundred dollars.

wait! i think it's another schmuck on the list!!

hopefully they know how to build a good fire.

peace out.


Steff said...

Oh my yuck...she wanted to peel your arm?! How nasty is that...not your arm but her wanting to pull your flesh off your body. Seriously, she is one to watch. It's the I-want-to-pull-your-skin-off ones that hack you up in your sleep...seriously!

Gee, that was a nice have a good night comment. LOL :)

doodlebugmom said...

The peeler wanna be grosses me out! Yah, lets keep shrimp in a hot car....bleeeccchhh!

As for the pyros, if they were in Scouts they wouldn't be up to "no good."

And heck, if you were going to start a fire, you would do it RIGHT!



Suzy said...

Wanting to peel someone else's skin! Oh Yuck! You don't want her germs on you anyway!

Attempted firelighters - very naughty!

Hope some nice people come your way soon. :-)

Anonymous said...

I'm one that likes to make sure my own skin is peeled off, but I must say, I wouldn't walk up to a friend/co-worker, whatever and ask to peel skin ... that's just like cannabalism!

As for the pyros, well, I just can't dignify that with an answer. To the idiot that thinks your trying to get some cash ... wtf? I agree, if you were going to risk going to jail, you'd do a little better than setting your carport on fire.

What do ppl think? Wait, that's right, they don't!


Allison said...

LOL me and my friends kinda had definitions like that... only... not quite so appropriate...

Jolene George said...

Thst girl is gross!
Yes...sadly, there are ALOT of schmucks and a-holes out there. I just try to do my best to steer clear of them.

Pat said...

Ohmygoodnessgracious! It takes all kinds doesn't it?
Thanks for the chuckle anyway!
(sorry it was at your expense)

Susie Q said...

She so deserved those bad shrimp...dumb schmucking woman.
BUt you sure know how to make me laugh. Out loud. The cats think I ost my mind. The dog knows I already did.


Melissa said...

I'm just floored that someone would ask you that. Who asks to peel someone else's skin? WHO?

(Hmm, a schmuck who also doesn't know any better than to eat shellfish that's been in the SoCal sun all day, I guess that's who.)