Dec 9, 2006

well, i tried to get out of it.

tried oh so hard.

but there was no escape. no escape at all.

last night, some of my work friends met at another friend's house to learn how to make ribbon bows.

oh and drink a glass or two of vino.

and eat some pretty decent veggie lasagna.

did i mention the vino?

BTW - i didn't drink any vino - mostly because it was all red, and red wine makes me nauseous. so instead, here's a recipe for the newly christened "Mellietini":
a shot of Apple Pucker
Sprite to taste
maraschino cherries
a spoonful or two of the cherry juice.


so, after several lame attempts at bow making (which, in my case would still have been lame, with or without alcohol. i'm just not coordinated), toasting (and getting toasted), we started the old "what if" game.

the question of the day: what would you do if money were no object?

of course, the usual - start my own off my a better car...put my kids in college.

believe me, i tried to avoid my turn like the plague.

because i know - this is a hyper-emotional time of year. i'm a hyper-emotional girl. so, i cleaned up. put food away. washed up.

all to no avail.

i was cornered. the question was asked. i tried to laugh it off, but found it coming out before i could stop it.

i would go to the baby store and pick me out one.

then, the whole sea of questions come out. why can't you have kids? is it you? (nice. thoughtful.) no adoption stories?

blah, blah, blah.

i'm thankful i held it together. i have no desire to bawl in front of people i work with. nope. not gonna happen today.

but, any time this gets brought up, i die a little again. it's like the hurt can never heal, whether by someone's words, or my seeing a newborn, or the really fun one: duel baby showers at work yesterday.

it's hard. i have so many blessings, yet all i can concentrate on at times is the one thing i can't seem to be allowed to have.

it's just hard to concentrate on the positive.

always remember: it's the season to remember your blessings. and to believe in miracles.


Susie Q said...

Oh Valerie. I want to give you a hug! I SO think I know how you feel. Really I do. I have BEEN there.

Of you ever need an ear...I am here.

Sue (who is lousy at making bows)

Jolene George said...

Do you know why you haven't been able to have children? My sister Coleen tried for 10 years before she had a baby. For her it was her body would attack the sperm/embrios like a virus so any chance of a baby was gone before she knew it. She was able to gets on meds to hold her pregnancy. I hope and pray one day you will be blessed with a child. You have so much love to give. (((HUGS)))

Melissa said...

Sending you some hugs, from halfway across the country.

doodlebugmom said...

Oh Val.

I can't imagine how much this hurts. People can be so insensitive. I am so sorry.

((Hugs)) but not too tight today! lol