i've got a million of 'em....

Deep Thought by Jack Handy:
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

so profound.

and this one...

A priest, a rabbi & a Baptist minister were discussing the best methods of conversion. They actually decided to test their methods against...a baby bear.
So the priest went in to the forest to talk to the bear.
The next day they met for coffee & the priest said, "oh, to be sure - i spoke with the wee cub and explained the rites of Catholicism. Faith & begorrah, i do believe the boyo will be on his way"
The next day was the Baptist minister's turn.
They met again for breakfast and the minister spoke of his meeting with the cub.
"Indeed - i explained the gospel to the animal, and even though he couldn't speak, i believe he understood the truths i laid before him"
Now it was the rabbi's turn.
The two met in the usual place, and were shocked when the rabbi came in, cut, bruised with an arm in a sling.
"For the love of Pete, man!" the priest exclaimed. "What has happened to you?"
"Well," the rabbi said, "for starters, i shouldn't start explaining Judaism by mentioning circumcision."

thhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhank you! you've been a fabulous audience! i'm here all week, don't forget to tip your waiters & waitresses, they work hard to take care of you!

i just realized everything has a religous bend to it...so don't take offense, please. i go to church as well, and have a deep & abiding faith. but these are funny.