in remembrance....

"High Flight"
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earthAnd danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings;Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirthOf sun-split clouds - and done a hundred thingsYou have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swungHigh in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there,I've chased the shouting wind along, and flungMy eager craft through footless halls of air.Up, up the long, delirious, burning blueI've topped the wind-swept heights with easy graceWhere never lark, or even eagle flew -And, while with silent lifting mind I've trodThe high untrespassed sanctity of space,Put out my hand and touched the face of God.
John Gillespie Magee, Jr.

So if I'm overreacting,

i apologize.

but the day started off, well..weird. Not bad, just upsetting, i guess.

One of my compadres came up to me today & asked if our manager had asked me to apply for a supervisor position in another department.

Hear that? That clanging is the sound of my heart falling to China.

Turns out the manager had asked both of my compadres (we're all the same position, just different job functions) if they were going to apply. But not me.

Nothing like a smack to make me feel 9 years old and completely inadequate.

What the hell? Is there something wrong with me? Am i just so incompetent that i can never be considered for advancement? I've been with the company 18 years, and it took me 17 to finally get promoted.

Now before you start soapboxing, i do not expect to be promoted because of my tenure.

But i sure feel smacked down.

I don't know why i wasn't asked if i was going to apply. I also don't believe that even if i did ask, i would get a straight answer. My personal belief is this: my company has a habit of, if you excel at a job or function, you are there for life.

Everyone rises to the level of their own incompetence. Isn't that one of Murphy's Law?

At any rate...my feelers are hurt.

This year ain't starting out too good for me, emotionally. **sigh**

Enough of the pity party...we now return you to your regularly scheduled blog.

tag - now YOU'RE it!

Thanks , Cyn....


1. First time you got kissed: In high school with a guy i met at a dance (ain't i a slut?) How was it? Not bad....but i had NO idea what i was doing.

2. First time you drove a car: Probably about 13-14. Used to move the car for street sweeping day. What kind of car? A Chevy Impala. Probably a '72.

3. First time you scrapbooked: I think in high school, but all i did was cut around photos & paste 'em in a book. When you look at your page do you love it? Well, i don't always hate 'em...

4. First time you went on a date: dang if i can remember. Where did you go and with who? ditto.

5. First time you fell in love: not counting Donny Osmond...8th grade. How did you know? because i would turn into a giggly, stammering mess.

6. First time you cooked for someone: 6th grade. Was it yummy? What did you make? a Thanksgiving dinner. from scratch.

7. First time you got on a plane: 6 Where did you go? Were you scared? Flew down to San Diego to Sea World; took the train back. i was too stupid to be scared - that came as i got older.

8. First time you shaved your legs: 13 - all my friends were. Did you cut yourself? not a chance. i was convinced i would bleed to death if i did.

9. First time you put on make up: 13 Looking back how did you do? Did you look good or like a clown? All it was, was mascara & Bonnie Bell Birthday Cake LipSmackers. Can't screw that up too much.

10. First time you moved out of your home: not counting the whole Auntie Kay Incident (another blog for another day), 35. When i got married. How pathetic is that? But there was a huge guilt thing on my part but again...another blog for another day. Was it an apartment, house, etc? An apartment with B...heaven on earth - most of the time!

i now tag you. rock on.

feeling better...

thanks.

lean to the left...

not politically.

i thought i was done. i thought this was the end of all the back issues and i could move on.

guess the Lord has other plans.

i've noticed in the last two weeks, that i've been walking, listing to the left. mention it to therapist #1...who doesn't say much. mentioned it again to the second therapist, who wants to watch me walk, but doesn't.

so today, i take my case directly to the manager. she watches me walk & agrees, that my left side is dragging.

so what to do? i call my neurologist. well, the receptionist. who recommends i call the PA & let her know. so i do.

leave a message, that is.

i'm hoping to get an answer tomorrow.

i just want it over with. and i can't begin to describe how depressed i am that it may not be over.

stay tuned....

i love this movie.

right now.

and right now my favorite quote is by Kathy Bates, crying to Jessica Tandy:

"Oh, Miz Threadgood, i'm too young to be old, and i'm too old to be young."

That's exactly how i'm feeling today. Right now.

Too old to be young. And too young to be old.

this woman SO rocks...

i want to be her when (and if) i grow up.

coming soon to a preorder form near you.

so very tired.

didn't get to sleep until almost 3 a.m. totally freaked out, for reasons i can't go into here. just remember me & if you are a praying person, do keep me in your prayers. things will get better, but i can't see that right now.

life sucks. well, my life sucks.

pray hard.

it's the weirdest thing...

my mother in law is going home from the hospital today.

i think it's so bizzare.

yesterday she had NO short term memory. she couldn't remember what day of the week it was, what year it was, but knew who was President ("Bush." she said with contempt.).

and they're sending her home today.

it is amazing, really. after two days in the hospital, her blood sugar was completely under control, she was getting plenty of oxygen (she has congestive heart failure, on top of diabetes), and her vision has cleared up.

i'm certainly not crazy about the fact that she's going home. i don't think she's, well, strong enough to be by herself. i would feel better if she was in a group home...someplace like Brethern Manor in Long Beach.

my grandmother lived there for about 10 years before she died. the place was perfect...you had your own apartment & kitchen...all you had to do was eat one meal in their dining room and you had to put an "i'm OK" sign on your door each morning before 8 a.m. you had your independence, but were in a situation where you weren't alone.

this would be perfect for my MIL. except that she doesn't want to do that, because there's "old people" there.

hmmm....but it seems to me that any situation that 1) keeps you in contact with people - people of your generation & experiences 2) keeps you safe by not being alone would be, to quote Martha, "a good thing."

oh but what do i know. i'm not old. yet.

i just feel like it today.

**WW update: 2.3 lbs. that puts me @ 5.3 total so far. carrots are better than cookies.
c'mon. say it with me: carrots are better than cookies.**

nothing to really say...

* my MIL had a mini stroke yesterday...most likely will have to leave her apartment & live in a group home. this is the second stroke in about 3 years. prayers would be appreciated for my sister-in-law, her primary caregiver. she is stressed beyond belief.

* have some sort of tummy bug. somehow started this afternoon & i hate life right now. on the bright side, this should help in weigh-in tomorrow.

* the cat is laying on my lap, helping me feel better.

* life is still good. it's just hard to see sometimes.

updates to stories we've been following...

1) my boss's twins are both home; released Sunday night. Everyone is doing better, the girls are on breathing treatments every four hours. Mom & Dad are taking turns taking days off so they be home to administer. Oy. Thanks for your good thoughts & prayers, i'm sure they were felt & appreciated.

2) did i mention i joined Weight Watchers? Joined 1/6. First weigh-in was FRIDAY THE 13TH.
i lost 3.2 pounds.
bloody hell!
Now i'm pissed i didn't lose more. No pleasing me, is there?

**sigh** time for dinner....anyone care to join me for a WW frozen dinner? salsbury steak w/ mac & cheese. only 5 points. which is good!

If only WW created a hot fudge brownie sundae with Haagan Daas vanilla. Eat it up. Yum.

it's getting better all the time...

Had session two of PT yesterday. and it did go better. She (the therapist) paid attention to me this time & corrected me a couple of times when i wasn't doing the moves correctly.

It did feel better, too. i felt like it was actually strengthing my back instead of just stretching.

Session three tomorrow.

***

So now, my FAVORITE episode of my FAVORITE show, CSI: Crime Scene Investigation is on...the season finale for last year when Nick gets kidnapped & buried alive. The writing, the directing, and the acting...whoa. This is a finely crafted show. love, love, love it.

Especially when they show Nick in the coffin buried alive. i know it's not real. i know he can get out any time he wants.

But bloody hell. George Eades makes me believe.

Believe that he's completely freaking out, buried alive.

So also on TV is American Idol.

Never saw an episode. Does that surprise you? Again, it's one of those reality shows, that i have no tolerence for watching. Not sure why. Never got into any of those.

American Idol, Survivor, Airline. Just can't do 'em.

Oh well. To each their own.

Happy Tuesday.

you are getting sleeepeeeeeeee...

once again, my downstairs neighbor has his stereo blasting. At 6a.m. this morning.

does the man not sleep? is he deaf? or just rude?

i never thought he was rude before. but lately....

i need a nap.

Almost Forgot...

Yesterday was my first PT session.

OMG.

It wasn't all that bad. Some of the exercises i remembered from my first go-around with physical therapy (or, as Linda called it..Physical Terrorist. gotta love that.).

But...

It was totally obvious that the terrorist, er...therapist, wasn't really interested in what i was doing. Staring off into space, just not watching what i was doing.
Well, her supervisor became aware of it, too.

See, the supervisor was sitting across from me, and says to my therapist, "watch her now - she's not doing that right."

Well, isn't that just ducky.

It wasn't a complicated move, just laying on my back, knees bent, then i raise my bum while i tighten my tummy...and hold for 10 seconds...doing this for 10 reps.

And i was half way through.

So she made me do them over again.

Keep your fingers crossed that either i don't get her again, or if i do, that she improves her attitude towards the job.

I just wonder when she lost her passion for the job.

Late breaking updates...

** - Jordan is spending one more night in the hospital...she's not responding as well to medicines as the doctors would like. Perhaps tomorrow...

** - as if that wasn't enough, Mama & Daddy had to take the other twin to emergency this a.m. with the same symptoms. She was released a few hours later with antibiotics.

Mama & Daddy had originally planned to go to Vegas this weekend for a getaway. Obviously, that's out.

But after these babies get well, they definitely need a vacation.

**and**

i actually lost at WW tonight. imagine my surprise, because i didn't completely understand the whole points thing (so i'm thick. get over it).

But i finally figured it out. Tonight.

At any rate....

So i lost. 3.2lbs.

Dang. 1.8 more and i couldn've gotten my "I've lost 5 lbs" ribbon.

Well, now that i sort of know how i should be doing this, at least i can (maybe) do better next week.

But tonight...i really wanted a hamburger. In the worst way. But i had a 6 inch Subway instead.

Have a great weekend everyone. Tomorrow i'm off to the local track for 45 minutes of brisk walking.

and YOU thought Friday the 13th was unlucky...

not here.

not today.

we have a new dishwasher.

this totally rocks.

of course, now the kitchen looks like crap. the dishwasher is sooooooo new, that the kitchen looks, well...old.

oh well. i don't have to wash dishes by hand any more.

there's so much more important things & issues...but bloody hell.

we have a new dishwasher.

a totally vain moment...

but if you are so inclined, check out Donna's blog today.

check out the pictures.

yes, that's me in the green shirt, with my friend Lori.

why are we holding a bazillion glue sticks? it turned out to be a joke.

Donna's classes Saturday called for at least 2-3 glue sticks per class. Lori & i were sharing, but i found those at Office Max. i think i was about 24 in the package. my thought was that i could make a profit selling them to anyone in the class who forgot or ran out. :o)

so. there you have it. immortalized. me & my glue sticks.

let me know if you need glue sticks. they're going at a great price.

If you're inclined to pray...

please say a prayer for Jordan.

she's the 18 month-old daughter of my supervisor. a twin, both she & her sister have asthma and last night Jordan was having problems breathing...a trip to emergency today shows she had pneumonia.

an overnight stay is definitely in the cards.

pneumonia is bad enough as an adult...but even worse when you are a baby with asthma & can't understand why everyone wants to poke, prod & basically bug the crap outta you.

so please. say a prayer for Jordan & her family. they could sure use it.

ow.ow.ow.ow.ow.ow.

first day of PT.

i am, without a doubt, the weakest, flabbiest, most out-of-shape person that EVER blogged this planet.
(*note: prepare to hear even more self-bashing tomorrow night after weighing in @WW, and i've maintained. or, heaven forbid, gained.)

first i rode a bike for 5 minutes. it said my speed was 50. what does that mean? if you know, please drop me a note & tell me. the therapist (who was clearly bored) wasn't around & not that interested. then started the stretching. legs & straps (my husband would probably be thrilled), leg lifts, push-ups (sort of. lay on your front, push yourself up with your hands, but keep your belly on the table/floor), rotating legs, keep trunk stable. stand against the HUGE ball on the wall, roll yourself up & down. then, 15-20 minutes on a hot pad, with electrodes attached to my butt. (yes, a TINS unit)

to quote Homer (Simpson) - "D'oh."

what made me want to crawl into a ball (if i had the flexibility), was when i got off the first table, i was sweaty.

sweaty.

oh bro-ther.

could i have felt more embarrassed? well, yes. but for sake of pity, no.

oh well. i do this twice a week for the next two weeks. 6 sessions in all. then probably for the rest of my life, if i want my back to be better.

D'oh.

stuff i miss

back in the day when i was single...

i drove to the same place to work that i do now.

however...

back then, i drove east. i saw some spectacular sunrises.

now, i drive west.

but this a.m.....i saw a really phenomenal sunrise out of my rear view mirror. and of course, i couldn't get pulled over quick enough to get my camera out.

nothing else to add. just a reminder to stop & look around once in awhile. you might miss life.

tag me baby, one more time...

Four from Me....

Four jobs I've had:
- waitress @ a Weight Watchers-type restaurant
- cashier at Woolworth's (remember Woolworths?)
- receptionist at Supercuts
- receptionist at a car dealership

Four movies I'd watch over and over:
- Auntie Mame
- The Shawshank Redemption
- pretty much any James Bond flick (i know, it's more than four. get over it)

Four places I have lived:
- Long Beach
- Buena Park
(i don't get out much)

Four TV shows I love to watch:
- CSI (the original)
- Mythbusters
- Good Eats
- Family Guy

Four websites I visit daily:
- too many blogs too numerous to mention
- Simple Scrapbooks
- Yahoo! mail

Four places I have been on vacation:
- Florida
- Washington DC
- Michigan
- Tennessee

Four foods I love:
- mac & cheese
- grilled cheese sammiches
- meatloaf
- French Onion soup

Four places I would rather be:
- Catalina Island
- Disneyland
- Walt Disney World
- Hawaii (even though i've never been...i do believe i'd rather be there than here)

Now tag four:
- Cyn
- Loni
- Becky
- Tracey


thanks, Linda...this was fun!

a horrible, no-good, very bad day.

it started by me getting up. i shoulda stood in bed. :o)

first i got to work & found out all the schedules i created last week are wrong. not totally my fault, the sources i get to create deadlines is wrong. i now have to go & fix three schedules.

in the beginning of my day, i had to leave to have my evaulation for PT. of course, i stopped at home because i couldn't find my paperwork. then i couldn't find the paperwork. months worth of disability paperwork. gone.

oh bloody hell.

found it. in the last place i expected. my scrapbook room. God is better to me than i deserve.

couldn't find the location for my PT office. the receptionist, when i made my appointment, failed to tell me that they were located inside a bank building. or their suite number. i brought both facts up when i got there. she looked blankly at me as i spoke.

i waited almost 20 minutes before getting taken into the exercise area. turns out this was only an evaluation, not the actual session. the chick took measurements, checked my flexability, etc. then, she had me lie on my front, and started pressing on my lower back.

ok...this is a little tender.......OHMERCIFULGODINHEAVENWHATAREYOUDOING?
STOPITTHATHURTS!!!

for those that might remember, when i was a kid i had a fish made of thin plastic. when you put it in your hand, it would curl up.

that's what i did. my feet practically touched my head. i cried. big, snotty tears.

then i had to ask for a kleenix, as the evaulator was obviously blind to my tears & snot.

back to work.

trying to catch up for missed time. then i find out i missed a deadline from Friday.

ooops - false alarm. hmmm - was that a heart attack/puke fest i just got invited to?

on my way home, DH calls to tell me he's too tired to cook. well, bloody hell. i certainly ain't cooking, either.

thank heavens for Pollo Loco.

tomorrow has to be better. i hope your Monday wasn't the hell mine was.

so - the first week of the new year has ended....

how have you done so far? Have you broken any resolutions or have you made strides to accomplish yours?

I'm not a resolutions girl. I'm one of those Pollyanna types that believes every day is a new opportunity. A new beginning. A chance to start again.

So, i went against type. i made resolutions.

1) lose weight. I'm really one of those people that, although i'm not happy about being overweight, i am happy enough with myself as a person to not be motivated enough to do anything about it.

In other words, i'm lazy, dammit.

But - after the back surgery, and learning my spine & back ain't that great, i decided to do my best to make the commitment and just do it. Besides, after finding out about the cyst that caused my disk herniation, and that if it comes back, i'll be on my front, in the hospital getting it drained. For a week.

No thank you.

So, Friday i joined Weight Watchers. I'm not familiar with the whole Points system, so if you, Gentle Reader, know about it first-hand and can explain to MissThickHead, i would appreciate it.

Now, on to resolution number two.

Take more chances. Learn more. About everything.

In scrapbooking, i've already entered a contest, applied for a design team position, and am working on layouts for Creating Keepsake's Hall of Fame contest.

Yesterday, i splurged & took a day long class with Donna Downey. Scrapbook Expo is coming up, and i'm taking classes i wouldn't normally. I'm signing up for CKU in Provo this year.

Ch-ch-ch-changes.

Well, if you don't learn, you don't grow. If you don't grow, you stagnate.

I'm trying to grow my mind. And shrink my bum.

Wish me luck.

just a quote for the day...

and so apropos, especially for the CKMB (which is where i found it). it does smack of irony!

The trouble with organizing a thing is that pretty soon folks get to paying more attention to the organization than to what they're organized for.
—Laura Ingalls Wilder

and you thought she was only in a little house.

ah, the entreprenuerial spirit...

allow me to preface this with two things:

1) this is true. you can't make this stuff up.
2) names have been changed to...well...you'll see why.

my friend Katie is a single mom. she's a good person. she has a good kid. Jason, is 12, and in middle school (or as we used to call it in my day - junior high).

a day or so ago, Jason called his mom at work, panicked. seems his cousin, who lived there for a month, had left a package of condoms there. the boy cannot find them.

absolutely panicked.

Katie told him to chill. cousin probably came by & picked them up. no, no - he insists, they're here. i need them. mom, please, go pick me up a package of magnums.

magnums?? sheesh - he's 12. don't they have training rubbers?

Katie hangs up, shaking her head. from my desk, i'm only hearing part of the conversation & still it's enough to make me giggle. this woman has soooooooooooo much drama & unintentional comedy in her life. what's one more thing?

later, she calls me. she's not sure if she should laugh, cry or get mad. Jason, it seems, has been selling them. to boys. at junior high.

at three dollars a pop. (no pun intended)

oh dear heavens. see, on the one hand, the newly crowned Rubber King is performing a public service. he promotes safe sex, etc.

on the other hand, he probably could be suspended.

but what an entreprenuer.

it truly is a new millennium. i sold lemonade at a stand.

these kids sell rubbers.

back to reality...

it's Back to Work day for me.

Back to Reality.

and i'm so looking forward to it. not.

it was kinda like getting summer vacation again...2 1/2 months off. and really, once i got the stitches out, and felt good...it was nice.

it still continues to be a nightmare in some respects. trying to get my company's disability insurance to approve the remainder of my time off. some things never change!

if nothing else, B was kind enough to let me know that if he gets a "high paying executive job" or if we win the lottery, i can quit.

let's see...the odds are 1 in 18, 009, 460. seems reasonable, doesn't it?

so i go back to the usual insanity of my job...and apparently we've been busier than a one-legged man in a bum-kicking contest. that ought to make things more interesting. not to mention the fact that i'm taking a bunch of sanitizing wipes with me. you see, the woman that worked my desk whist i was out is not, shall we say, the neatest or cleanest of people...food left on out desks, cleaning her nails at her desk...

want me to go on? didn't think so.

oh well. it's off to the shower. then off to reality.

ah, resolutions

like promises, made to be broken.

**sigh**

and i hate broken promises.

it's overcast, cold & drizzly here in Sunny So. Cal. more rain expected both here & up north. there was even flooding in Napa & some wineries were affected (noooooooooooooooooooooo!!). thankfully, i haven't heard of any of that here in our burn areas.

but again...digress.

resolutions for me:

* lose weight. never really cared before, but again, i have no desire to either have back surgery or be in the hospital on my front for a week while they drain the cyst if it reappears.

* exercise. i'd like to say more, but we both know it's a lie.

* expand my knowledge. going back to school for some computer classes (just in case my company does get sold). gonna also take more classes for scrapbooking - learn new techniques, etc.

* take more chances. most of my life i've been afraid of taking some chances. i go through the usual "what if's": what if i fail, what if i get laughed at, what if... no more. i may not be as talented as the rest of the world, but i'll never know unless i try.

* love more. criticize less. find more joy in every day things. i'm usually a glass half full girl, but i want to see the glass as not only full, but spilling over.

* for you, i wish your heart's desire for 2006. whatever you love, whatever you cherish, whatever makes you happy. may you have it and so much more.

Happy New Year.