Feb 8, 2006

Ode to Niagra Falls...

You know what i really hate about WW...and dieting in general?

Drinking water.

Not water itself - although i AM thankful for those Crystal Light "To Go" packets. Toss one in your water and you're good to go..at zero calories and lotsa flavor.

(thus endth the commercial. we now return you to your regularly scheduled blah, blah, blah.)

No, i have no problem with water.

I do, however, have a problem peeing.

It's not peeing itself. Everything works fine in my plumbing, thank you very much. It's just that when you're introducing that much water into any vessel, the excess has gotta go (no pun intended) somewhere.

Yesterday from 11 a.m. till 3:45 when i left work, i was on my way to the ladies room (and for the record, unlike some of my sisteren, i go by myself. No entourage needed here, kids.) every bloody hour.

Sometimes, i got the chonies off just in time.

At the grocery store, i abandoned my carrots & mushrooms just to make a slide into home base. And yes, i was safe.

It's another one of those little side effects, left over from the back surgery - control over...down there had gotten much better. Actually, not from surgery, but from the herniated disk itself..i do have some nerve damage. But really, it's still amazing to me how just one little mis-alignment (her evil twin is Miss Congenitality) can effect sooooooooo much in the human body.

We are fearfully and wonderfully made.

But back to my peeing.

Yesterday, i truly wished for Depends. It just would've been nice instead of having to excuse myself and run like hell. But then, i doubt if i really could use them.

Travel back with me, for a minute, to October 2005. To the hospital where your friend, me, is laying back in a hospital bed...

...with a bedpan under my arse.

For whatever reason, they don't seem to want you to walk after back surgery. Huh! Imagine that!

Now imagine that, even with a bedpan at the ready, i cannot go.

Not one drop. Because my roommate and her visitor are yakking. Non stop.
My plumbing has puckered up tighter than....well, i can't think of a good analogy. Sufficed it to say that just when i start to relax enough to pee, they start talking again.

I try bribing the nurse. $10 if you let me go to the restroom. Carry me, wheel me, drag me - whatever. JUST LET ME PEE IN A TOILET WITH THE DOOR CLOSED.

No go. Damn them and their moral standards!

Finally, i do manage to relax enough to release the floodgate. And believe me, i never was so proud when they did allow me to shuffle to the restroom like a big girl.

So although drinking water is good for the body, it's hard on the plumbing. And it's a lot like beer...you don't buy it, you only rent.

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