Sep 25, 2007

i want a boring day.

Gentle Reader, i would give my eyetooth for a boring day at work.

just a day when i was yawning for lack of anything to do.

no drama.
no whining.
no crying.

but enough about me.

every day, it's really something new. it's never usually boring, which is actually OK, as i would rather be busy than not.

but man. today was the topper.

started out with a very grumpy manager, who had had it with a lot of the BS going on - people not turning work in when they should, not working things properly, blah, blah, blah. i don't blame her, because when the ad designers don't do their job right, it makes it difficult for Valerie to do her job right.

and kids, if it comes down to a Happy Val or a Grumpy Val, nine out of 10 will pick the Happy Val.

but really the Grumpy Val is FAR more interesting.

so the bar was set - 9:30 we're gonna have a meeting. everyone be there.

9:15, i'm heading back to my desk after getting a bottle of water from our cafeteria, when my supervisor waves me over and is mouthing something.
(note: i do not have any deaf relatives. i am not deaf myself. i cannot read lips. do not try to mouth words to me because i don't know what the freak you're saying. so if you're trying to warn me that a psycho is standing behind you with a bloody knife in his hand, dude, you're screwed. and probably so am i, because then the psycho will dispatch me after he's done with you.)

i have no idea where that came from. too much Dexter.

walking over to my boss, he says, quietly, "dial 911"

hole-lee crap.

my boss is holding on to one of the guys in our group. his eyes are closed but damn he does NOT look good. so, i call our secretary and ask her to phone 911, calmly, then head over to my boss.

hey! i get to use my first aid training!! woo-hoo!!!

our dear dizzy lad says he was reading email then things got fuzzy, then spinning.
he has not eaten breakfast.
he is diabetic.
i am now pissed.

after dealing with a Husband AND a Mother who are both diabetic (not to mention my late mother in law and my late grandma), nothing irritates me more than knowing what you need to do to take care of yourself, and not doing it.

so, since my diabetic friend is in good hands and the paramedics are on their way, i scoot downstairs to get some OJ (the beverage, not the murderer. ooops. did i say that out loud?) and a straw.

and after he starts drinking it, everyone is amazed to see how much better he looks and how the color is coming back to his face.

holy crap! i could be a faith healer!!

paramedics came, along with the firemen. then, unfortunately the ever so cute firemen departed and left the ever so ordinary paramedics. dagnabbit.
because even in the face of crisis, i appreciate a fine looking man.

Diabetic Boy came back later this afternoon - the hospital pumped him full of unpronounceable stuff and asked him to follow up with his own doctor. and my prescription was for food. eaten. regularly.

but what made me laugh was, later this afternoon, my supervisor and another supervisor couldn't believe i was so calm. apparently they're both married to wiggers.

i've never been a wigger. one of the better ideas we had one April Fool's was, when the current manager (at the time my direct supervisor) called on her way in, i was to answer the phone and freak out because two people called in sick (wink, nudge), someone else had car trouble (nudge, nudge) and the other one had a sick kid (snicker) so it was just me by myself in the department.

i did my best acting. there was silence for a moment, then she said "liar. you don't panic."

i don't fall apart during a crisis. afterwards, i can be found in a closet rocking back and forth plucking petals off daisies like poor psycho Ophelia. and i don't tell you this story to say "ta-da!!! ain't i great?"

but for once this month...just once...i'd like to not have to be the strong one. the rock. the go-to girl. i'd like it to be about me.
i want to be bored. i want to be Ophelia. i'd like to have someone calm me down, for a change.

or i could become a faith healer.
demon, come out!!
and send me $20. PayPal is fine.


Pat said...

OK - if anything ever happens to me, I want you to be the one on call - not only to save my life, but to make me laugh my head off about it!...and I promise the $20. tip - it would be worth it!

Pamela said...

a few years ago we had a new receptionist. I was one floor up.
I got a call to come down - and this gal was loop-de-loop.

Another woman on the other floor agreed with me that it was an insulin shock--- so we found the orange juice.

(My late mom and my nephew were diabetics. Once you've dealt with it ... it seems obvious)

I'll switch jobs with you. I'm bored.

Here from Susie Q

Steff said...

You are always my go-to-girl for funny! You completely make me laugh and that is well worth any $20 fee! :)

Doug Bagley said...

LOL! Hey,you could be like my grandma who always panicked or passed out when emergencies hit.

Kenny said...

This is not a good week for work sitcheeashuns. In two days we've had a potential positive random drug screen, a potential sexual harrassment case, and an $800k check to the hospital from the governor instead of a promised $8 million check. A $7,200,000 loss equals LAY OFFS!

Living for the weekend.

Jolene George said...

You are the calm hero. I'd say you need a little less drama in your life miss valerie. :o) Love ya!

Suzy said...

Hypos are scary though! Well done for being the strong one though. Someone has to be. You will get your reward one day I'm sure ;-)