Sep 5, 2006

confessions of an obsessive, or vice versa

consider this: it's 3 a.m. (which i realize sounds like a country song. it isn't) and i'm fully awake.
have been since midnight, when i was rudely shaken awake by the Husband, convinced that the crashing he heard was someone breaking in.

crashing? breaking in? on a 2nd story apartment? whatev.

so Big Brave Boy got up to face the enemy. i, disgusted with the fact that i was awakened (my opinion: take the damn stuff & let me alone), rolled over. i would've gone back to sleep except that lately BBB seems unable to go quietly to bed. no, there must be heavy thumping & loud settling.

so, to make a long story even longer, after about 30 minutes of laying there, i did what all experts say you should do when you can't sleep. get out of bed.

now, at this point, i could take a sleeping aid, but then i won't get up in time to make it to work. besides, i can't seem to turn off my brain and it's current list of obsessions. such as:
  • the tight, tenseness at the base of my head, just at the beginning of my neck. stress? you betcha.
  • the $ light that came on in my car yesterday (aka Check Engine light-it always means money). Husband surmises it's a valve in my transmission. bye-bye bonus!
  • our friend's son being deployed to Iraq today.
  • the potential sale or spin-off of my company.
  • the Husband and crap that's going on for him at his work.
  • a dear friend having serious issues at home.
  • another friend who's marriage has crumbled.
  • and so on, and so on...

now i realize that the majority of these things are beyond my control. the majority are fixable and the rest needs to be handled with prayer. but that kind of reason and the prayer just ain't cutting it at 3:30 on a school day.

what do i do? how can i release this stress so i don't die an early death - or worse?

my grandmother used to say, "take it to the Lord in prayer." but right now, i feel far removed from His presence. and i don't know how to find my way back.

perhaps a little too heavy, especially considering the early hour. but, the old saw says that a burden shared is a burden halved.

halved might get me some sleep. and some peace.


Tara in AZ said...

Hi, I was over on Elsie's blog. Sucks when you can't turn everything off and go to sleep. I'm in favor of sleep aids, they seem to help. Hope you get some good rest soon.

Chickenbells said...

my must be something in the air, I was up at goodness knows when...dry-heaving! (having to make a decision about diverting water from running into my basement and making the carpet smell like mildew) talk about the $ light! Although, I didn't think about blogging that's hard to meditate/pray when you're obsessivley worrying isn't it? breathe...breathe...breathe

Elise said...

I agree - the hardest time to pray and feel any peace is in the middle of the night when everything seems awful.

It is a mystery, why the middle of the night has this ability to make even the mundane seem awful. I have hatched so many grand master schemes to fix problems in the middle of the night, only to awake the next morning and wonder what the hell I was thinking.