your quote for the day.

and what better way to celebrate the FREAKING BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY.
(side note - huh? February? wasn't it just Christmas? Thanksgiving?? and now i gotta think of Valentine's? sheesh.)

today's quote comes from a coworker, passing by myself and a supervisor.

supervisor: hey, Bobby - how are you today?

Bobby: i get paid the same either way.

oh yeah. mamma likes that one.


in other news....

no news for Brendan...he's been calling but hasn't heard yet. he does have an interview scheduled for next Tuesday....so get out your Official Goat Sacrificing Kits out.

i had to work today. bleah. and no, i don't want to talk about it, because apparently i 'have an attitude' today.

well, DUH. i have a stinking attitude EVERY.DANG.DAY. get used to it.

Disneyland tomorrow. and yes, Allison, you can stay during Spring Break. although hanging out with me might get you into more trouble than going to Florida.

happy belated 50th, Kenny!

all quiet on the Western Front.

let's see.....

no inebriated neighbors on my stoop today.

no yelling, no pounding on doors.

no calling the police.

no good blog material.





what i love (insert sarcastic babbling here) is...
* my supervisor telling me to do XYZ instead of ABC (which is what i usually do), then bitching me out because i did XYZ.
i guess it's a case of 'do what you do, not do what i say.'

*we have new contractors in my workgroup - four to be precise. one of them, a chick around my age, seems nice. until....
yesterday morning when she came in to her desk, complaining about our company, and how lame we are sometimes.
um, hello? you've been here four weeks and you're yapping how lame we are? you're dumb.
observant, but dumb.

*Monday was my supervisor's birthday, so as is our tradition, we brought in food. (my new favorite thing to bring is the deluxe veggie tray {dang, it should be for 19.99} and the sliced apple tray...it's Red Delicious and Granny Smith sliced apples with a container of caramel for dipping. the caramel is not WW sanctioned, but i had one, anyway).
and if you remember, one of our other supervisors, the one who likes to point out how much processed sugar is in everything, came by and says to me 'um, just so you know, that microwave caramel's first ingredient is high fructose corn syrup.'

killjoy.




today is my Friday. why? because Monday when i came home, i asked Brendan, 'hey! you're temporarily unemployed!! whatareya going to do now?!'

my answer was a puzzled look, and the beginning of a dissertation on what he had scheduled for the next day..and, missing the point of my joke, i naturally interrupted him.

'you're going to Disneyland!'

yes, Gentle Reader, we're going to Disneyland tomorrow.

we used to go on vacations every year, until i had my back surgery and then for whatever reason, we haven't done one since.
i got a small, unexpected bit of cash, and decided to buy 2fer tickets. silly? yes. frivolous? definitely. (BTW - a 2fer is a Disneyland promotion they usually run right after the New Year, when attendance drops off. it's for So. Cal. residents and for the price of a one day/one park ticket, you can visit Disneyland one day and California Adventure on the other.)

needed? oh youbetcha. i'm so excited i can't stand it.

i'm going to Disneyland!

damn 65 year old kids.

so i came home tonight, hearing my neighbor talking to one of their cats.



she's sitting on the steps leading up to our place.



i ask her how she's doing and she says something i don't understand, so i lean in to her.



she is beyond bombed.



please, i pray to myself, do not light up a cigarette.



and guess what - i still can't understand what she's saying.



she's waiting on our downstairs neighbor to come home.

she does not have a key.

it's cold. but hey, i'll bet she's warm (wink, nudge).

later, Brendan goes down to his truck, and she's still sitting there. still waiting. so, he decides to walk her over to the assistant manager's place to get the spare key.

he won't let her have the key because she's not on the lease.

meanwhile, we get to her her talk to herself and cry off and on. i don't want her up here (very unChristian of me, i realize). so she continues to sit.

then, i hear her pounding on the downstairs neighbor's door.

and yelling.

and crying.

and still sounds drunk.

so yes, i called the police.

it's quiet now. but, like i told the dispatcher, one's for sure drunk, the neighbor might bloody well be drunk, and someone's gonna get hurt.

man. what a great example these elders are.






in other news...
my bad. Brendan doesn't find out about the job until Wednesday. and yes, i will let you know. i appreciate all your good wishes.

as does he.

hey now.

first off....let's just say to Tug- i have nothing against Johnny Depp. he's cool.

i just don't know if i could spent oodles of time with him. he's so.....deep sometimes, i don't think he'd be even slightly interested in talking to me. not that i'm so egotistical to think that anyone else on my short list is chomping at the bit to hang with me.

i'm sure Alton is dying to talk cooking and scrapbooking and photography with me.

and yes. Matthew needs a shower.

i scrapped Saturday. for me.

i know. calm yourselves. i've been working on an album for a chickie i work with. she and her family is planning a surprise 70th bday party for their mom, and part of it involves a scrapbook of her mom.

those of you that scrap, you know the importance of good photos. they don't have to be Ansel Adams good, but good enough to look good.

they probably shouldn't be copies of copies. that would be bad.

yep. it kills me to put some of those in there. one of them had that texture pattern on it. remember that from the 70s? well, make a copy of that, then make another copy of the copy and you've got something completely gross.

it goes against everything we go with as scrapbookers. and, with my ego in play, there's also the fact that i know her mom is pretty dang critical. (almost as critical as her daughter)

she is gonna bitch about it.

the good thing is, i ain't gonna be there to hear.

goooooooooooooooooooooooooooo, me!

so back to yesterday...i decided to do something for me. for the first time this year.

i made two birthday cards and three layouts. and thanks to Maureen for allowing me to publish two of the three (sorry honey, i forgot to take a picture of the other layout. i'll do that tonight and send it to you).

these layouts were made with animal testing...Elvis kept jumping up on the table. at one point, he got a rub-on stuck to his paw and flicked it off before i could grab it.

i still don't know where it landed.

and the journaling:

holy freaking Batzoids. i love this photo.

sorry. not the best shot ever.

happy Monday.

try not to read anything into it.

so this a.m. after we weighed in (oh by the way, 1.2 for me, 1.4 for him. he's lost about 12lbs and i've only lost a little over 5lbs. boys. go fig.), we were talking about tv/movie/music stars we thought were cool.

we had a good list going. Jimmy Stewart. George Clooney. Husband even said Matthew McConaughey. and as we talked about it, i realized something.

my list was all guys.

Alton Brown, Tom Hanks, Garth Brooks.

hmmmm.

so. what does that mean?

well, growing up, i always hung out with the adults. my best friends were generally guys. (and yes, that did get me in a lot of trouble in high school with some chicks)

and yes, i still want to meet them.

it is well with my soul.

if you've hung out with me...either in real life or here...for an length of time, you'll know that early Sunday mornings here are my A-#1-Blue Ribbon-Gold Medal-Academy Award Winning favorite time of all.

add the rain to it, and well...i might as well be on drugs.
the good kind, not the icky ones that make everyone looks like zombies have had their way with 'em.

it's such a wonderful time of day. and add some rain to that equation and well...i'm happiern a pig in slop.

eww.

let's just say it's cool.

oh - and let's add my new Sunday morning obsession. an Oldies station here plays 'American Top 40' reruns from the 70s early Sunday. give me the occasional Donny, DeFrancos or even Shaft (shut yor mouth!), well...how could it get better?

we've had a lot of rain in the last few weeks. which, although is totally needed, also blows, because we've also had fires. and whether or not you're smarter than a 5th grader, it doesn't take much to know that without grass or trees to hold the dirt, rain turns dirt to mud.

and mud, like all other inhabitents on this earth, must obey the laws of gravity.

so if the fires don't getcha, the mud might bloody well will.

add to that the fun of a freaking tornado watch in Long Beach last week, and well...it's no wonder the rest of the nation looks at us Southern Californians as a crazy family member.

we complain because there's smog. we complain when the rain comes. we complain when we get no rain. we wait for the Big One as patiently as a grandmother rocking a child.

but dude. when the rain does come, we lose our freaking minds.

it's kinda funny to watch.

yesterday, though...Husband and i were out when we cast our eyes north. we do have mountains here, and since it rained here, most of the smog has been blown away. so we have a perfect view of the San Gabriel and San Bernardino mountains.

with snow on top.

dang it. it was beautiful. and a total novelty for us. being urbanites AND Southern Californians, we don't see much snow. and again, we lose our freaking minds.

last April, we were up in Reno. it snowed. not a light dusting but a couple of feets worth (and please do not email or comment on my poor English. it's early and i'm not a morning person, with or without caffeine and so the laws of proper English usage do not apply. pfffffttttttt.).

my sister in law was trying have me committed. i was running outside with the camera trying to take a picture of it snowing. something she's seen during the many years she's lived up there.
meantime, there's this geek trying to get a photo of it.

and no, i didn't get a good picture of it.

so back to yesterday. we were both admiring the mountains, wondering if Kristie was up to her butt in snow up in Hesperia when i said:

"dang it. i didn't bring my camera. i could get a good shot with my telephoto lens."

"want me to go home so you can get it?"

"naaaah. what would i do with it? if i posted it on the blog, half of the nation would be saying 'big whoop. happens here all the time.' "

and so it goes.

Brendan's interview went well...or so he says!

thanks so much for your well wishes, prayers, candles and offerings to Buddah. he was there for over an hour, got a tour of the facility and all the other stuff you do when you court a fellah.

this place is just starting up their direct mail processes, so it would be a great challenge for him to be at the ground level of something like this.

they said they'd contact him early next week.

it's gonna be a long, wet weekend.




get your mind outta the gutter. it's supposed to rain all this weekend. and what's really insane, is that Southern California has gotten more rain lately than Seattle.

duuuude.

that's just wrong.

whatever it takes.

whether you believe in, whatever you believe in - if you are so inclined to:

• say a prayer
• light a candle
• offer oranges to a deity
• kill a goat

on second thought, don't kill a goat.

anyway, if you could, do one for the Husband today...he has an interview for a job @ 10am today.

(and for me, that i don't kill anyone at work.)

thanks.

yep. we actually GOT weather here.

we have weather.

actual weather. in Southern California.

yesterday we got a buttload of rain. at times, frogchoker rain. big fat drops that totally freak Southern California drivers out.

freaks.us.out.

we have no idea how to drive in rain. i think on the average we get 340 sunny days (stop sticking pins in your ValerieVooDooDoll). so when it rains, well....

people go nuts. they either drive like idiots or...like idiots.

personally, i like the rain. i like cloudy days. maybe it's the latent Oregon genes in me. maybe it's the dark, Kurt Cobain side of me.

maybe i'm just weird.

bingo!

i like the rain. i'd rather be at home, staring out the window, watching us get weather.

weirdo.

more stuff going on...

more random blabberings....

• have i mentioned how much i'm loving this show? it's silly. i like silly.
• we rejoined Weight Watchers two weeks ago. weighed in last week - i lost 1.5 lbs. HE lost 8.2 lbs. nope. not a typo. being a girl sometimes really sucks.
• i'm finding, the major weight loss on his part notwithstanding, that i dig finding new recipes. here's one we had last week that rocked:

Pork Chops w/ Caramelized Onions (points value - 5 for 1 chop and about 1/2 cup onion mixture, in case you are on WW, too)

4 - 4oz boneless center cut pork loin chops

1/4 tsp salt & 1/4 tsp ground black pepper

1 tsp olive oil

1 large onion halved lengthwise and thinly sliced

1/4 cup balsamic vinegar

2 tbs brown sugar

place pork chops between 2 sheets of heavy duty plastic wrap and pound slightly to an even thickness using a meat mallet or small heavy skillet. Heat oil in a large nonstick skillet over medium high heat. Sprinkle chops with salt & pepper, add to pan and cook 2-3 minutes on each side. Remove from pan and wrap in foil to keep warm.

Add onions to pan, cover and cook over medium high heat 6 minutes or until tender, stirring occasionally. Add vinegar, cook 30 seconds, stirring constantly. Sprinkle with brown sugar, cook for a minute, still stirring constantly. Spoon over chops and serve. yum-o!

other than that...oh and a weigh in tomorrow...which will be interesting since i ate quite the amount of spinach dip at Maureen's. (but dang it was goooooood) and the Husband joining the ranks of the unemployed yesterday (and kids, i was FAR more upset than he was), well...it's been an interesting year.

to say the least. can't wait to see what's next.

be it ever so humble...

there's no place like home. except for Reno, of course.

oh, so many stories.

so much fun.

we watched "The Water Horse," which i gotta admit was FAR better than i expected. we played Clue and Monopoly and i taught the kids how to play with my Nintendo DS.

i found out what it must be like to be a suppository.

it's like this, see. i flew out of Long Beach, the city of my birth, which has a small, totally cool airport. they don't even have jet ways, you walk out onto the tarmac to get to your plane.

and as i walked up the stairs to get in the plane, i thought 'dang. that flight attendant is t-a-l-l.'

foolish me.

she wasn't tall. the plane is small.

my brother-in-law, who works for the FAA, calls it SmurfAir. when i entered the plane, the ceiling of the plane was maybe four inches above my head. and i ain't that tall.

but a nice airline. i'd fly again.


overheard....

while up in Reno, darling niece says -
"Aunt Valerie, are you old?"

"you bet, baby. i'm REAL old."

"then you need LifeAlert, so you can live alone."

OK kids. if you know me, and most of you do, you know i usually have an answer, smart-ass or serious, for pretty much everything.

not this time. sit down. i was speechless. finally, i managed to get out, "well.....ok.....but what about Uncle Brendan?"

"it's OK, he can get one, too."

ah - out of the mouths of babes.

where in the world IS she?

that would be me.

gone again.

one of my 'friends' at work said they thought i had "more vacation than sense."

jealous. probably accurate, but jealous.

i'm off to Reno for a couple o days...off to have some scrapbook fun, do a little babysitting, play Legos & Littlest Pet Shop AND freeze my gazungas off.

because i'm a Southern California girl. and for us, anything below 60 degrees is freezing weather.

wow. i'm a spoiled princess with more vacation than sense.

see you Thursday.

TGIF.

for more than one reason.

i'm glad the week is over because..
- the light i thought i saw at the end of the tunnel with all the new work my location is getting? the euphoria i felt, thinking that this was going to be easier than i thought? that all the schedule making would be easy as pie??

well, that's only if the pie is made with ingredients found in the house. if you have to go to some exotic market in Africa, well, it ain't easy.

the light i saw was the train bearing down on me.

then the train switched tracks.

it probably will be ok. it's just going to be ugly.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- Sunday i fly outta here heading over to Reno. yippee! just a few days, but how fun for me!

i'm glad the week is over because:
- Kenny got to meet Oprah today. seriously.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- i get to sleep in a little tomorrow. AND i went to Target for shower gel and ended up buying a plaid jumper, lace trimmed sweater and a tunic..all for about $21.
not each. total.
first time i ever saw a Target with that good (and well organized) clearance rack. niiice.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- heck. who needs more reasons? happy Friday and happy weekends...i'll be out and about until next Thursday, kids.

stay out of trouble. or don't get caught. peace.

how to piss off a cat - a manual

while i'm busy writing a book on how to piss off our cat, Mama P is actually writing.

for a magazine. Good Housekeeping, no less.

but i'm not bitter. nooooooooo.

i, on the other hand, am trying to translate a work schedule from East Coast to West Coast. oh, and i'm making my cat hate me.

h-a-t-e me. and while i don't have a professional writing job, i do have this blog, and you are stuck with me. read on, if you dare.

last night, the manager of our complex called to ask permission to possibly let a plumber in our place today. see, our downstairs neighbor, while nice enough, is convinced that a) Brendan is building a Harley Davidson from scratch in our living room and b) we are doing everything possible to our plumbing to ensure that his plumbing is messed up.

dang. our evil plan to drive him s-l-o-w-l-y i-n-s-a-n-e has been discovered!

of course, with a plumber coming over, this means i need to lock up Elvis the WonderKat.

oh yeah. that'll be fun.

in case you didn't already know. we don't let him out. stress plus our cat equals the cat having an seizure. now mind you, in the eight years since we've moved upstairs (and the other cats don't sit outside our patio door, tormenting him), he's had one, maybe two seizures.

oh, and he occasionally tries to make a break from his human overlords to freedom!

way back in the day, when Husband & i were still dating, i would take the train down to Oceanside; Brendan would pick me up at the train station. so, on this particular Friday, he left for work, worked all day, was at the station by 6:30 when my train arrived, picked me up, and off to dinner we went.

a couple of hours later, we were home. off i went looking for the cat.

Elvis? Ellllll-vissssssss!

dammit.

we searched all over the apartment. then, downstairs, and around the complex (which was REALLY large with LOTS of BUSHES. DARK bushes. Elvis is a black cat.

oh yeah. this'll be a cinch.

we searched for hours. we even spent about half an hour, chasing after another black cat, who, probably went home to his family and said "sheesh. you would NOT believe the night i've had."

we got home late. i cried myself to sleep.

just before Brendan gave up for the night, he thought of going back downstairs to see if the security guard might have seen Elvis. as he walked towards the shack, Brendan saw a streak racing by.

"Elvis?"

the streak stopped. turned. then ran past him, up the stairs and to Brendan's front door, yelling the whole way:
"duuuuude.duuuuuude.WHERETHEHELLHAVEYOUBEEN,IHAVEBEENOUTHEREALL
DAMNDAY,HUNGRY,THIRSTYANDHUNGRY! DIDIMENTIONHUNGRY? DIDYOUNOT REALIZEIHAVEBEENOUTALLDAY? HUH? HUH??? LETMEINLETMEINLETMEINNOW!!
DUUUUDE!! I HAD TO PEE OUT.SIDE. THAT'S WRONG. LETMEINLETMEINLETMEIN!"

didn't know i could translate Catanonese, did you?

back to today.

i locked the cat in our second bedroom..it has his box, food, water, and of course my scrap stuff. which, of course, he has paid me back for by knocking stuff off my desk.

Elvis spent the last five minutes i was home this a.m. scratching at the door and yowling as if we were tormenting him:
"whyyyyyyy? whyyyyyyyyyy arrrrrrrrrrrrre you tormenting meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee? have i
not given you love? did i not stop puking in your shoes? do i not allow you to share
myyyyyyyy bed?"

he knows how to kill me.

when i did get home tonight and let him out, he was his usual feline bipolar self. squalling at me for leaving him locked up all day, then imploring me to pet him and immediately brushing me off for trying to do what he wanted.

it's like living with an irrational, PMSing woman 24/365.

ooops. poor Brendan.

wait...maybe it's a good thing i don't write professionally. i'm not sure any editor would go for an article/story that goes from work to a cat to PMS.

that's me. all over the place.

well, there you have it.

i got this email from my friend yesterday, with this link.

you'll stare at first, then laugh.

and, if you're like me, you'll wonder HOW IN THE WORLD DID THESE CHICKS COME UP WITH THIS IDEA??!!!!

(quick background information: when i was in high school, i joined this organization: the International Order of the Rainbow for Girls. every year, we have a convention where the adult advisory board members of each chapter nominate a girl they feel would make an excellent state officer {hence why you see those girls wearing hoops, formals with their hair up looking funky}. this video came from last year's convention)

man. watching this, i was back to being a stupid, weird 16 year old chick, who, while not as boy-crazy as her friends, was still wishing for a chance to wear that hoop, formal and hairpiece, sitting as a state officer at Grand Assembly.

to learn more, visit your public library, or you can visit here.

no shortage here.

in this day of shortages, overpriced goods and equally overpriced real estate, i can guarantee you this:

as long as i can breathe (sort of), there will not be a shortage of snot.

'nuff said.




in other news...

Brendan got an i-Pod.

there. i said it. happy now?

(ed. note: as the Husband was now walking off to bed, he said 'ooh! are you mentioning that i got a new i-Pod?'
(no, i said.
('sheesh. and i thought your world revolved around me.'
(see baby? it does. it really does.)

well, if you must ask...

no. i have not taken five pictures this year.
not even one.

i am, however, quite familiar with all the crap that's on daytime tv.

and how dang comfy our recliner is.

and also how snuggly i can be under two quilts.

what? oh. sorry. let me back up a little.

12/31
cough. cough. cough.
no big. it's windy today. really windy. this is likely allergies. especially since my eyes are watering. i still am heading out to dinner.

1/1 - day one
did anyone get the name of that truck? the one that blindsided me? the one that was carrying a load of snot, has left me weak AND in charge of their cargo? because i need to report their company to the BBB. leaving me with all this crap is NOT good business practices. oh well. a little NyQuil tonight and i will be as fresh as a daisy tomorrow.

1/2 - day two - possession
great googly moogly. i have been possessed by a snot demon. NyQuil has no power here. i feel as if i've been mugged by an elephant. i need an exorcism on my sinuses. i need to complete my Last Will and Testament. then i realize i don't have any real possessions to leave. great.

1/3 - day three - the coronation of Queen Snot
i am dying. i hurt. i cough and pee a little. niiice. 45 freaking years old and i'm peeing my pants. not to mention a (cough cough pee) friend sends me a photo of her bbq brisket dinner that she's ready to enjoy. i thought we were friends. i was wrong. i vow that if i survive i will hunt her down. and make her watch me eat a bbq brisket. with grits. and fresh biscuits with apple butter. and yes, bread pudding for dessert.

1/4 - day four - i will survive.
wow.
i feel...almost human.
i guess i will survive this.
i've even decided to get nasal spray..which i hate using. but i'm really tired of not breathing.
and i really hate that my last week of vacation being sick.

can i get a do-over for this week?

happy 2008.

y'know, back in the day, i could not imagine me being 45.

i mean..sheesh! that was so old.

i remember being in 5th grade, and our teacher was getting married. we actually had the cahones to stand there and say that she'd better hurry up and have babies...she didn't have too many good years left.

looking back, it's a miracle she even promoted us to the 6th grade.

now - 45 doesn't seem that old. on most days.

today? i feel 85.

last night, Husband and i continued a tradition we started when we began dating - we have dinner at a teppan restaurant (like Benihana).

and, as the afternoon progressed, i kept coughing. not a good sign.

right now, i'm planted in our recliner, with two quilts over me, still coughing and my legs hurt like a mofo.

what a great way to start out the new year! get sick!!

thankfully - the Husband left to go shooting with his friend. and i'm fine with that, because he's a crummy nurse. i'd rather suffer in silence.

or suffer here on the blog.

so - now that i finished whining, let me share three goals (i ain't a-saying resolutions, i hate that word). feel free to join in.

1. take a photo a day in '08. quite the idea i picked up here.
2. complete 100 layouts in '08 (blatantly stolen from Linda. i have my doubts on this one , but i'm gonna give it a shot.)
3. (and this should be #1) rejoining Weight Watchers and get back on track. Melissa has inspired me every.dang.day. and i need to do this for no one but me.

not sure how i'm gonna start the photo a day in '08 today...me feeling like crap and it's as windy as all get out out there. matter of fact, i think i just saw a house and some broad on a broom twist by.

but i'm gonna give it a shot. because every day we get a chance to make a new beginning.

and i get to make one with Theraflu.