any takers?

lookit this:

ain't it cool? it's a bad-ass ribbon holder.

ya want one?

i know who makes 'em.

he made it for Scrapbook Addict - after she saw the original he made for his wife.

seriously. he makes 'em. he's thinking of selling more. and if i had a house, instead of an apartment, i would totally buy one, drive to Vegas and pick it up.

then pick them up for dinner and drinks - non-alcoholic for them.

after today, i would need a beer.

seriously - if you're interested, let me know. or go to Jeff's blog and drop him a note.

i *do not heart* my job.

i kept telling myself all day, "we only make phone books. we do not build airplanes. we do not cure disease."

and it's a damn good thing we don't build airplanes. i would never EVER fly.

ever.

here's a quick recap on my job: i work reports all.day.long., ensuring that the graphics department is clear on all ads for the many different books going to the printer that day.

except today.

today was bad.

normally, we get a daily paging schedule from the paging department. they break down the different advertising headings for us, letting us know what they will be sending to the printer. then, we go to town.

except today.

today was bad.

the chickie who normally sends out the schedule, has been out on vay-cay all week.
lucky her.
so, her supervisor has been doing them.
lucky us.

granted, this is not his forte. so our department has been cutting him slack as he's been getting the schedule to us later and later in the day. we really need it by 8:30am, especially since paging gives graphics until 2pm every day to be clear on our forms.

today, we got ours around 11am. at 11:02, my friend come running over, a little on the freaked-out side.

it seems that suddenly, a big book has moved from paging Monday to today.
t-o-d-a-y. u-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-g-h.

that no good. bad medicine.

oh, and the best part is that we actually were supposed to be clear on it yesterday.
so that, along with the other books we had to be cleared on, made for one extremely stressed workgroup, AND overtime on Saturday.

and one unhappy me.

it's OK. it'll all be good. but.......

more aggrivation. tomorrow, our workgroup is having a pot luck.
we have four people going in on egg rolls.
why? because the woman who's ordering them wants them for herself. she just doesn't want to pay for all of them.

breathe. breathe. breathe.

another chickie in our group has been on Weight Watchers for some time now. and, the other day at lunch, mutters just loud enough to sort of be heard, 'well, i'm not participating at the potluck.' after a few minutes badgering, she finally says it again. outloud.

why? 'because there's nothing there i can eat.'
then bring something you can eat.
p.s. - it didn't bother you two days ago when people brought all kinds of snackies. you were there bellying up to the bar.

so, while looking over the list today, i realize no one signed up for sodas...which is unusual, considering that boys like soda. it's cheap. it's easy.

and no one chose it. BUT! i do have two guys who signed up with a ? - which is good, because then i can get soda.

boy #1, who is notoriously cheap, says he's already bought chips.
goody. that means he went to the 99cents only store.

boy #2, who is even MORE cheap than boy #1 also has a ? down.
i ask him if he would get the sodas.
he looks me square in the eye, laughs and says no.

wait...what? you said no?

fine.

so today, i not only bought my food contribution, i also bought sodas.

am i bitter? oh youbetcha. as is my best friend, who is also peeved about this whole thing. we talked later and decided that with what we've both spent on the potluck, we could've had a really good lunch.

or dinner AND drinks at the Outback.

or better yet. we just won't play. if no one else will play fair, why should we?

yep. i'm bitter. i'm cranky. i'm tired of playing by the right way when no one else does. at work and in life.

i could bring this around to the baby thing again, but i really am trying to put my big-girl panties on.

and keep 'em on.
i need ice cream.

it takes two, bay-beeee..

consider this the Noah's ark of tags.
thanks, Linda!!

Two foods you hate
stuffed green peppers
gringo (this weird casserole my stepfather makes. my mom droools uncontrollably when he makes it. i get grossed out. one of the best perks of getting married and moving out(BTW - it has crushed Fritos, cream of mushroom soup, cooked hamburger, diced Ortega chilies, cheese and some other things i don't remember. i've blocked them out)

Two TV shows that make you laugh
Burn Notice
The Bill Engvall Show

Two best things about high school
creative writing
David Hunter (sigh!)

Two favorite singers
Keith Urban (sigh, Maureen!)
Donny Osmond

Two favorite bloggers
you
you
(sneaky, huh?)

Two movies you can watch over and over
Dreamgirls
Airplane

Two favorite treats
Birthday Cake Remix ice cream from ColdStone Creamery (no, i will NOT let it go)
my grandma's recipe for peanut butter cookies.....then i found out it's really my MOM'S recipe, but dang, my grandma could bake. (and don't tell my mom, but my grandma's cookies were bunches better than my mom's. way.better.)

your turn.

oh boo-freaking--hoo.

as we all know, there are some horrible things going on in this big wonderful world of ours.

this post is not about them.

it's.about.me.
which is why i have a blog. duh.

our story begins last night, when Husband's optometrist called that his glasses were finally fixed.
(backstory on that - about three weeks ago, the Husband asked me to take his glasses back to said optometrist, the temple had broken. again. they originally said a couple of days. and like i said, that was three weeks ago. they didn't call until the Husband called the optometrist directly to let him know the issue...it went along with the fact that a month and half ago he had his eyes examed, ordered new frames and that's the last he heard from them. there have always been issues with the staff, the doctor, however, is wonderful)

so the husband asked me to pick them up for him tonight...which of course i did.

tonight. which is Bunco night.

every played bunco? it's a dice game i play with 12 other girls. it's kinda like Yatzee, only there's money involved, snacks and with any luck, good wine. usually good laughs to boot.

so no cooking for me. hip-hip-hooray!! but i still gotta eat. and nothing is sounding good for me. my stomach has been reacting to lotsa stress lately, so for any of you having tummy issues, you know what i mean.

then, it jumped out at me: slice o pizza. i know, probably not the best, especially the acidic tomato sauce. but it just sounded good. 'sides, i'm a freak. i LOVE cheese pizza the best.

i also do not like hot drinks. go ahead and shake your heads.

so i got my slice. now of course, i need dessert. (well, i don't need dessert, but...)and as luck would have it, one of these is next door to the pizza place.

and i've been jonesin' for a Birthday Cake Remix for over a month now.

they were freaking out of cake batter ice cream!!!!!!!! what the..?!!!

it's not that they don't have other flavors. other mix-ins i could've chosen. but dagnabbit, i wanted birthday cake remix! (insert sound effect of stomping feet and a good ol' fashioned temper tantrum)

so i got a vanilla bean remix. vanilla ice cream with sprinkles, fudge and brownie bits.

it was ok. *sigh* just not a birthday cake remix.

and while i know it's so insignificant, considering what's really going on in this world, it's hopefully good for a laugh.

so if you can laugh at me, maybe the outside world won't seem so sad.

and i still want my birthday cake remix, dammit.

it's the little things.

it's crazy.

all it is, is a stud through my nose.

and it did hurt to get it.

but that notwithstanding - it makes me happy.

i had no idea. but every time i see it, it makes me smile.

ain't it crazy? it's a freaking mid-life crisis after all.

but it totally makes me happy.

happy, happy, happy.

so who says money can't buy you happiness?

secret private messages

if you're not Kristie, DON'T LOOK AT THIS!! :O)

time for an intervention.

this is something i never had the courage to admit here before: i have an addict in our house.

not a diet Coke addict (that would be me). not a coffee addict (Husband). not even a pain killer addict (that would be me, or at least what my mom was convinced i was during all my back problems.).

come on in. it's time we save him from himself.

yep. Elvis. he's addicted to black tar heroin. only he calls it 'catnip.'

the worst part...i'm his dealer.

surveillance photos prove it.

here we are, negotiating the deal. you can clearly see the desire for the goods. and it's quality stuff, man.

shooting up. or snorting in this case.

the throes of the high.

addiction is not pretty.

and i need help, too, because i continue to enable him.

pray. pray that we both find the help we so desperately need.

hey, baby...want a date?

OK. so you probably already got this on an email from me.
but it really made me laugh out loud. and after this week, heck, we can all use a giggle.

and Linda - i promise. no more cracks about a slutty Shirley Temple.


Here is your dose of humor... A. Follow the instructions to find your new stripper name.
B. Once you have your new name, post it here in the comments! (yes, boys too!)
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new firstname:
a = Chesty
b = Fantasia
c = Starr
d = Diamond
e = Montana
f = Angel
g = Sugar
h = Mimi
i = Lola
j =Kitty
k = Roxie
l = Dallas
m = Princess
n= Heidi
o = Bambi
p = Bunny
q = Brandy
r = Sugar
s = Candy
t = Raquelle
u = Sapphire
v = Cinnamon
w = Blaze
x = Trixie
y = Isis
z = Jade

2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half of your new last name:
a = Leather
b = Dream
c = Sunny
d = Deep
e = Heaven
f = Tight
g = Shimmer
h = Velvet
i = Lusty
j = Harley
k = Passion
l = Dazzle
m = Dixon
n = Spank
o = Glitter
p = Razor
q = Meadow
r = Glitz
s = Sparkle
t = Sweet
u = Silver
v = Tickle
w= Cherry
x = Hard
y = Night
z = Amber

3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second half of your new last name:
a = hooter
b = horn
c = tower
d = fire
e = thighs
f = hips
g = side
j= jugs
i = shock
j = cocker
k = brook
l = tush
m = sizzle
n = ridge
o = kiss
p = bomb
q = cream
r = thong
s = heat
t = whip
u = cheeks
v = rock
w = hiney
x = button
y = lick
z = juice

now that you have your new name, feel free to make me laugh by posting in my comments.
and no, i will not tuck a dollar in your g-string.

around the world. in only 10 minutes.

wow.
judging by your comments here, i say i have a strong following for my Run to the White House.

heck, and i didn't even have to soak you for $1500 a plate for blahsville chicken.

man am i stupid.

sorry to disappoint, but i'm fairly confident i won't be running for office any time soon. i can't even handle office politics without getting maddern a wet hen. and to deal with professional politicians?

hold me.
back, that is.

speaking of office fun...can someone tell me what the %^&*!@#! is wrong with me?
i have volunteered myself again. for another party planning.
while i am also planning a potluck for my workgroup.

i must have dame bramage.

the Big Boss' birthday is next week. her secretary...er, administrative assistant, and yes, this is the same one who wanted to peel my arm, came to me in a panic (panicking is something she's really, really good at) because earlier this week she sent an email to the Boss' management team about the birthday and only a few of us have responded.

so apparently, i'm the mean one who can get money out of people. or break their arms.

oh, and i'm organizing the munchie day.

and creating a 'poodle album.'

damn. she's gooooooood.

oh, but there won't be a poodle album. (the boss has a full size black poodle she absolutely loves. but Roxana, her assistant, like another friend of mine, beats things to death. seriously to the point where you would learn to hate it, because she's taken all the fun out of it.

'sides, there ain't no such thing as a poodle album.

so - i'm going with a 12'' clipboard, some totally cool teal paper from Lil' Davis and some blue/green ribbon.
niiiiice.
one of my old bosses there (hmmm. i just realized i have worked for every.dang.supervisor. there except for one...) who ROCKS in Photoshop and i will take pictures of everyone in the team holding a letter that will spell birthday. we'll take a picture of the boss' dog and digitally put a sign on her neck reading happy. then put it all together so it looks seamless.

ain't technology bitchin?

so, i'm collecting cash for a Nordstrom gift card and a cake, then we're all going out to a little local restaurant for lunch on her birthday.
this restaurant is right off a main thoroughfare in Los Alamitos (where i work). but they have tables in their back yard with a little waterfall and pond that you would think you were, well - someplace else.

oh, and did i mention the hot apple fritters they serve? constantly? they have a server who i swear their only job is to walk with a basket full of 'em.

sorry. i've drooled so much thinking about them that i've soaked the keyboard.

so you see - there's no way i can run for office. i'm too busy planning parties.

but i guarantee you this: if i do run and win, not only will i keep my campaign promises.
i'll plan one hell of a party for myself.

happy anniversary.

yep. it's the parental units.

yep, it's their anniversary.

yep, it's been 33 years.

33 years.

dude. sometimes i feel like 10 is a lifetime.

and no, my step-pop doesn't look like "duh" all the time. he's usually much crankier. but heck, if i was 81, i think i would be entitled to be cranky.

when they got married, i was a junior bridesmaid (is that like a junior birdman?) in yellow. yellow. while a happy color, not a happy color on me.

the reception was at my cousin's home here in the OC. so, when it came time to toss the bouquet, i was all over it.

like anyone was going to let a 12 year old get married. riiiiiight.

anywhooo...mom tossed. i dove. heck, it's what you'd do when you were playing baseball, right?

grass stain on a yellow dress. and yes, i did get the buttkicking i deserved.

happy memories. happy anniversary.