fat. ugly. hairy.

and no, i do not have PMS.

i took advantage tonight of the Husband at school, to get me a pedicure.

and behold, it was goooooood.

and, as is tradition here in Mostly Smoggy So.Cal., there's generally more nail shops than Starbucks - at least one or two or more in a square block. and, a vast majority are owned by, well...immigrants.

and, since English is a second language for most of them, it sometimes makes communicating, well...difficult.
so imagine my delight, when, the owner of said shop, said to me, after welcoming me, 'you wan peddycure?'

why yes. yes i would!

'oh...honey. you need brow wax.'

why no. no i don't. my brows are recently waxed & plucked.

'oh....but honey.' (said as she examines the part of my hair) 'honey, you need color. baad.'

nice.

i may, but not from you, my love.

so on we went with the business at hand. 25 minutes and ten cutsie-pootsie toes later, then owner comes by again and says, 'ohhhh, honey. you want design on your toe?' (which i did and said so)

and she said....

'oh good. cause you got big toes, design look nice on big toes.'

oh. thank you.

there you have it, Gentle Reader. i'm fat. i'm hairy with serious roots and big toes.

but they are cute pink big toes.