Apr 7, 2006

things that make you go hmmmmm

or wow.

or what th'...

or no way.

whatever and however you take it, it be the truth.

every fantastic Hollywood-esq word.

i was born in So. Cal. - but could easily have been a Pacific Northwest chick...if things had just worked a little differently.

my parents weren't married when i was born. not that shocking an admission today, but back in the 60's..., well - THAT, my friends, was wrong.

especially when the Parental Units were living in a small town up there.

yup, the Sperm Donor (hence called this because he has done NOTHING to warrant being called a dad) and his family not only rejected my mom, but my very existence.

nice, huh.

a bit of a creep. unfortunately or fortunately, i have his eyes, hair & wacky sense of humor.

wishing i had more qualities of my mom, but that's another blog entry.

so, my mom & grandma packed up & moved down here. felt like they had to, since it was a small town & very heavily involved in the local church. 'sides, that sort of thing just wasn't done back then.

we lived with my grandma's sister & her husband for years. now here, to quote Jimmy Buffett, is where it gets bizarre.

my mom & grandma eventually moved out to share a house. i, for reasons i have yet to fathom, stayed there with my great aunt.

who i thought was my mom.

seriously. had no idea who my actual mom was until i was 13, and my Mom, driving me home from a shopping trip, pulled over to drop that little tidbit of info on me.

after i got home, stunned to say the least, my great aunt, who until that moment had been my mom, actually said she didn't think i ever needed to know.


i actually started developing a better relationship with my real mom after i was 18, and left my great aunt's home. (she developed Alzheimer's and was really getting crazy.) today, we have a wonderful relationship, but obviously not the same as it should be.

and yes, i'm still angry.

angry that i was lied to for 13 years. angry that some SOB was so selfish that he couldn't be bothered with a potential wife & a most real daughter. angry that both my Mom & i were cheated out of having a different and better relationship.

you can't make up for that.

to sound very L.A., i've had a LOT of therapy to deal with it. believe me, i'm feeling much better now.

so what's my point?

certainly not to feel sorry for me. heaven knows i don't. i'm just trying to deal with everything we get tossed each day.

my point is to cherish & nurture the relationships you have - whether with your parents, siblings, children, friends or lovers.

keep them real. keep them honest. just keep them.

and they will keep you - even in your darkest day.

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