or what th'...
or no way.
whatever and however you take it, it be the truth.
every fantastic Hollywood-esq word.
i was born in So. Cal. - but could easily have been a Pacific Northwest chick...if things had just worked a little differently.
my parents weren't married when i was born. not that shocking an admission today, but back in the 60's..., well - THAT, my friends, was wrong.
especially when the Parental Units were living in a small town up there.
yup, the Sperm Donor (hence called this because he has done NOTHING to warrant being called a dad) and his family not only rejected my mom, but my very existence.
a bit of a creep. unfortunately or fortunately, i have his eyes, hair & wacky sense of humor.
wishing i had more qualities of my mom, but that's another blog entry.
so, my mom & grandma packed up & moved down here. felt like they had to, since it was a small town & very heavily involved in the local church. 'sides, that sort of thing just wasn't done back then.
we lived with my grandma's sister & her husband for years. now here, to quote Jimmy Buffett, is where it gets bizarre.
my mom & grandma eventually moved out to share a house. i, for reasons i have yet to fathom, stayed there with my great aunt.
who i thought was my mom.
seriously. had no idea who my actual mom was until i was 13, and my Mom, driving me home from a shopping trip, pulled over to drop that little tidbit of info on me.
after i got home, stunned to say the least, my great aunt, who until that moment had been my mom, actually said she didn't think i ever needed to know.
i actually started developing a better relationship with my real mom after i was 18, and left my great aunt's home. (she developed Alzheimer's and was really getting crazy.) today, we have a wonderful relationship, but obviously not the same as it should be.
and yes, i'm still angry.
angry that i was lied to for 13 years. angry that some SOB was so selfish that he couldn't be bothered with a potential wife & a most real daughter. angry that both my Mom & i were cheated out of having a different and better relationship.
you can't make up for that.
to sound very L.A., i've had a LOT of therapy to deal with it. believe me, i'm feeling much better now.
so what's my point?
certainly not to feel sorry for me. heaven knows i don't. i'm just trying to deal with everything we get tossed each day.
my point is to cherish & nurture the relationships you have - whether with your parents, siblings, children, friends or lovers.
keep them real. keep them honest. just keep them.
and they will keep you - even in your darkest day.