some of you, Gentle Reader, (OK - it was Linda. happy?) asked me about the joke regarding the Husband and his present of a scooter.
enjoy this rerun, won't you? i think it'll make everything clear.
the best laid plans...
oft' go to hell in a handbasket.
I'm home right now. I should be in Mexico, drinking beer & eating lobster tails
But nooooooooooooo.
Saturday night. B & i are up in Hesperia, at our friends for a BBQ. We have eaten steak (yum), seen fireworks & are now gathered in the living room for a yak fest.
And here's where it goes to hell in a handbasket.
Someone comes running in, saying something that sounds like "your husband broke his finger."
Broken finger? Brendan? Nahhh.
He comes in the house, his face the color of concrete. My friend's mom, another Valerie, is behind him. He has a towel over his hand, and i see blood.
Blood. Not good.
So, believe it or not, i MAKE him sit down. He was just standing there, looking all loopy. He sits, and i pulled back the towel on his hand and thought, "hey, this doesn't look too bad."
Then he turned his hand over.
(here comes the gross part)
There's a laceration about 1/2 long, and deep. How deep? Deep enough so i can see his bone.
Sing with me, kids! Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off To The Hospital We Go.
I won't give a blow by blow of all 5 hours there in Emergency. Sufficed it to say he got 5 stitches, and luckily, didn't break it, only dislocated it. One or two good pulls by a cute blonde PA. (and surprisingly, whenever she walked in his treatment room, suddenly his pain level went up 150%), and he was good to go. Literally. A tetanus shot & antibiotics followed.
So needless to say, we decided against Mexico.
But how did this happen, you ask?
My darling, wonderful, usually intelligent husband decided he was going to ride TWO Razor scooters at once.
Hit a rock.
Down you fall.
D'Oh.
If there's a lesson to learn (and there is), it's this: don't think you're Evel Knevel at 45.
It ain't gonna happen. All you'll get is a trip to emergency.
And 5 stitches.
Jul 5, 2007
Jul 4, 2007
my bad.
bad wife.
here's Brendan's best friend Jason. Brendan is holding Cole, Kristie's boyo.
and here's the birthday boy with his present from Kristie & the kids: his very own scooter.
bad blogger.
no cookie.
it occurred to me, while i was downloading 240 photos from my camera, that i neglected to post pictures from Brendan's birthday par-tay.
ooops.
so. direct from the Old Spaghetti Factory in Fullerton, CA, it's Brendan's birthday!!
so. direct from the Old Spaghetti Factory in Fullerton, CA, it's Brendan's birthday!!
here's Brendan's best friend Jason. Brendan is holding Cole, Kristie's boyo.my parents. ain't they 
cute?
cute?speaking of cute: miss J & uncle B. 
dang her. she gets prettier every.dang.day.
and here's the birthday boy with his present from Kristie & the kids: his very own scooter.(remember our trip to the ER a few years ago?)
it's wrong.
very wrong.
but incredibly funny!!
yep. it's the never-ending birthday.
independence.
so much more than a word.
more than a feeling (with apologizes to Boston).
more than the ability to have a day off in the middle of the week.
more than buying fireworks, BBQs, beach parties and SPF 50.
more than Disneyland.
more than fireworks show.
it's about men like my stepfather who put themselves in harms way and lived to tell the tale.
and for those who didn't.
i thank them all.
it's about young men and women...some still kids...willing to go to places, some where they are not welcomed with open arms. again putting themselves in harms way.
it's about Chad George and thousands like him.
thanks to him. and thanks to Jolene, Mark and the rest of your family for sharing him with us.
Happy July 4th.
peace.
more than a feeling (with apologizes to Boston).
more than the ability to have a day off in the middle of the week.
more than buying fireworks, BBQs, beach parties and SPF 50.
more than Disneyland.
more than fireworks show.
it's about men like my stepfather who put themselves in harms way and lived to tell the tale.
and for those who didn't.
i thank them all.
it's about young men and women...some still kids...willing to go to places, some where they are not welcomed with open arms. again putting themselves in harms way.
it's about Chad George and thousands like him.
thanks to him. and thanks to Jolene, Mark and the rest of your family for sharing him with us.
Happy July 4th.
peace.
Jul 3, 2007
ah, the theater.
i do so love the theater.
the Husband, ehhhh-not so much.
one year for Christmas, he bought tickets to see The Producers, when it was here in L.A.
he fell asleep.
he said it was because he didn't feel good. then, it was because it was so hot in the theater.
whatever. i dang near peed myself laughing at them.
even as a young minon, i would go with my mom, and friends, and whoever i could get to, to go to Long Beach Civic Light Opera, or other local theaters.
and being partial to musicals, well...that is just the icing on the cake.
and my best girl, Kristie, saw Wicked last night. in NYC.
again, i'm not bitter.
but it just reminded me of different plays i've seen: Mame. the King and I and others. just good entertainment.
and i dug every one of em.
most productions i saw were amatures, but there were some celebrities.
Belinda Carlisle (from the Go-Gos) and Barry Williams (YES. Greg Brady) together. in Grease.
pretty.dang.good.
and my favorite one: Cinderella.
Rogers & Hammerstein. not Disney. not that i have anything against the Mouse, but this is just so classic...i remember seeing it on TV in black and white with Leslie Ann Warren - *sigh*
so, in my 20s, when we had the chance to see Cinderella in Long Beach, Mom & i jumped at it.
this production only had one celebrity in it. Greg Louganis.
did you know he could act? apparently neither did he.
i know. that was catty and mean. but i swear, this had to be the very first time he ever stepped out on a stage. without rehearsals. poor guy forgot more than half his lines, and since he couldn't sing, period, he did a Rex Harrison and sang/spoke through his songs.
think William Shatner singing his version of "Rocket Man." you'll get the idea.
but it didn't turn me off. i still love musical theater. still want to see Wicked.
still think Greg shouldn't act. stick to swimming, my friend. you truly rock at that.
the Husband, ehhhh-not so much.
one year for Christmas, he bought tickets to see The Producers, when it was here in L.A.
he fell asleep.
he said it was because he didn't feel good. then, it was because it was so hot in the theater.
whatever. i dang near peed myself laughing at them.
even as a young minon, i would go with my mom, and friends, and whoever i could get to, to go to Long Beach Civic Light Opera, or other local theaters.
and being partial to musicals, well...that is just the icing on the cake.
and my best girl, Kristie, saw Wicked last night. in NYC.
again, i'm not bitter.
but it just reminded me of different plays i've seen: Mame. the King and I and others. just good entertainment.
and i dug every one of em.
most productions i saw were amatures, but there were some celebrities.
Belinda Carlisle (from the Go-Gos) and Barry Williams (YES. Greg Brady) together. in Grease.
pretty.dang.good.
and my favorite one: Cinderella.
Rogers & Hammerstein. not Disney. not that i have anything against the Mouse, but this is just so classic...i remember seeing it on TV in black and white with Leslie Ann Warren - *sigh*
so, in my 20s, when we had the chance to see Cinderella in Long Beach, Mom & i jumped at it.
this production only had one celebrity in it. Greg Louganis.
did you know he could act? apparently neither did he.
i know. that was catty and mean. but i swear, this had to be the very first time he ever stepped out on a stage. without rehearsals. poor guy forgot more than half his lines, and since he couldn't sing, period, he did a Rex Harrison and sang/spoke through his songs.
think William Shatner singing his version of "Rocket Man." you'll get the idea.
but it didn't turn me off. i still love musical theater. still want to see Wicked.
still think Greg shouldn't act. stick to swimming, my friend. you truly rock at that.
well, whaddya know?
if you know me (and just by reading this for a while, you will), you know probably three things about me:
1) i want kids
2) i'm a sarcastic snot
3) i usually have something to say about everything.
so color me speechless.
1) i want kids
2) i'm a sarcastic snot
3) i usually have something to say about everything.
so color me speechless.
thanks, Jenny! according to her, i rock because i have a nose piercing, i plan parties and i make her hungry with all my food yakking.
does this make me certifiable?
so now i'm to pay it forward. and that's hard because all of y'all rock me in one way or another.
i'll post my findings tomorrow..
i SO have you fooled.
April & Cyn both labor under the delusion that i "rock."
i really don't. but it's OK to believe. i can assure you that when you find out i really don't rock, it'll be less traumatic than finding out about Santa, or the Easter Bunny...
but they do exist. 'nuff said.
so, with no further ado, courtesy of both these ladies, i present this week's meme:
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? allegedly, there was some TV or movie star named Valeria. unfortunately my mom doesn't remember who it was.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? sheesh. when am i not crying? i cry at Hallmark commercials. i cry at this one song (who's name i can't remember), "and i thought i was tough...", i cry at holding babies, at good steaks and at green goo coming out of my lobster.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? depends. when i'm drinking, i have the best writing EVER. then i sober up.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? roast beef. please, no lectures on red meat and what i'm doing to my arteries.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one husband, one cat. i'll let you guess which is the most trouble.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? likely. but i'd probably bitch to myself on how i think i'm all that.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? serious?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes, dammit. when i was a kid, i would pray they would go south so i would have to eat ice cream for days. now i'm a grown up. i buy my own damn ice cream.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? why jump off a perfectly good bridge? or building?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? LUCKY CHARMS ROCKS!!!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? most of my shoes are slip ons. i don't have enough coordination to tie 'em.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? no. my perfume is light and i wear deodorant. wait...that wasn't what you meant, is it?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Haagen Daaz vanilla. Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. Coldstone's Birthday Cake Remix.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? eyes. hands, if it's a guy.
15. RED OR PINK? blue. (ain't i a rebel?!)
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my arms and my butt. i got my grandmother's arms, meaty and (i hope) comforting. Cyn, i will yu my butt when i go.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my Uncle Jimmy. and lately my grandmother.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? what are pants? oh, i've said too much.
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cheesecake spread and graham crackers. yumo.
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? CSI.
21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? cobalt blue
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? citrus
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Senor Cranky Pants - AKA the Husband.
24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? i like both of them!
25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? badmition.
26. HAIR COLOUR? brown
27. EYE COLOUR? blue
28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope. can't stand to get something in my eye, much less deliberately put something in.
29. FAVORITE FOOD? anything i don't have to cook.
30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings especially when there is a massage involved. (oooh! me too, Cyn!)
31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? hmmmm....
32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white. it symbolizes purity (stop laughing!)
33. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. The less sweating the better! (amen that Cyn!)
34. HUGS OR KISSES? yes!
35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Susie
36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? still working on the Reagan diaries. not nearly as interesting as i thought it would be.
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? nothing...
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? i remember watching Good Eats before i fell asleep...
40. FAVORITE SOUND? ocean waves.
41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? i was gonna say Mexico, but i still think being in Philadelphia last year was farther. it certainly was longer, which made it seem farther!
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? are you kidding? some days i'm lucky i can get dressed.
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Long Beach.
45. WHAT SUPERPOWER WOULD YOU LIKE? i'd love to fly. but i'd also want to be able to fly into the future and tell people if they get their fondest dreams.
i tag you, now!
i really don't. but it's OK to believe. i can assure you that when you find out i really don't rock, it'll be less traumatic than finding out about Santa, or the Easter Bunny...
but they do exist. 'nuff said.
so, with no further ado, courtesy of both these ladies, i present this week's meme:
1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? allegedly, there was some TV or movie star named Valeria. unfortunately my mom doesn't remember who it was.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? sheesh. when am i not crying? i cry at Hallmark commercials. i cry at this one song (who's name i can't remember), "and i thought i was tough...", i cry at holding babies, at good steaks and at green goo coming out of my lobster.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? depends. when i'm drinking, i have the best writing EVER. then i sober up.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVOURITE LUNCH MEAT? roast beef. please, no lectures on red meat and what i'm doing to my arteries.
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? one husband, one cat. i'll let you guess which is the most trouble.
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU? likely. but i'd probably bitch to myself on how i think i'm all that.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? serious?
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? yes, dammit. when i was a kid, i would pray they would go south so i would have to eat ice cream for days. now i'm a grown up. i buy my own damn ice cream.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? why jump off a perfectly good bridge? or building?
10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? LUCKY CHARMS ROCKS!!!!
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? most of my shoes are slip ons. i don't have enough coordination to tie 'em.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU ARE STRONG? no. my perfume is light and i wear deodorant. wait...that wasn't what you meant, is it?
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Haagen Daaz vanilla. Ben & Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake. Coldstone's Birthday Cake Remix.
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? eyes. hands, if it's a guy.
15. RED OR PINK? blue. (ain't i a rebel?!)
16. WHAT IS THE LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? my arms and my butt. i got my grandmother's arms, meaty and (i hope) comforting. Cyn, i will yu my butt when i go.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? my Uncle Jimmy. and lately my grandmother.
18. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? what are pants? oh, i've said too much.
19. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? cheesecake spread and graham crackers. yumo.
20. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? CSI.
21. IF YOU WHERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOUR WOULD YOU BE? cobalt blue
22. FAVORITE SMELLS? citrus
23. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? Senor Cranky Pants - AKA the Husband.
24. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? i like both of them!
25. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? badmition.
26. HAIR COLOUR? brown
27. EYE COLOUR? blue
28. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? nope. can't stand to get something in my eye, much less deliberately put something in.
29. FAVORITE FOOD? anything i don't have to cook.
30. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Happy endings especially when there is a massage involved. (oooh! me too, Cyn!)
31. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? hmmmm....
32. WHAT COLOR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? white. it symbolizes purity (stop laughing!)
33. SUMMER OR WINTER? Winter. The less sweating the better! (amen that Cyn!)
34. HUGS OR KISSES? yes!
35. MOST LIKELY TO RESPOND? Susie
36. LEAST LIKELY TO RESPOND? ???
37. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? still working on the Reagan diaries. not nearly as interesting as i thought it would be.
38. WHAT IS ON YOUR MOUSE PAD? nothing...
39. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON T.V. LAST NIGHT? i remember watching Good Eats before i fell asleep...
40. FAVORITE SOUND? ocean waves.
41. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Beatles.
42. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? i was gonna say Mexico, but i still think being in Philadelphia last year was farther. it certainly was longer, which made it seem farther!
43. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? are you kidding? some days i'm lucky i can get dressed.
44. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Long Beach.
45. WHAT SUPERPOWER WOULD YOU LIKE? i'd love to fly. but i'd also want to be able to fly into the future and tell people if they get their fondest dreams.
i tag you, now!
Jul 2, 2007
i *heart* NY...
well, i guess i do.
never having been.
but my best friend Kristie is there with her mom and her kids.
and i got an text on my phone...they saw Wicked tonight.
man.
i'd love to hate her, but i'm too busy being happy for her.
and hoping her vacation is as much fun as she deserves.
have fun, girl. tell the Boy to spit off the Empire State building for Auntie Vowel.
it's something i would do.
never having been.
but my best friend Kristie is there with her mom and her kids.
and i got an text on my phone...they saw Wicked tonight.
man.
i'd love to hate her, but i'm too busy being happy for her.
and hoping her vacation is as much fun as she deserves.
have fun, girl. tell the Boy to spit off the Empire State building for Auntie Vowel.
it's something i would do.
finally - a holiday for ME!
i would've posted today, but i forgot.
then i found it was National I Forgot Day.
wooo-freaking-hoooo!
i was going someplace with this, but i forgot. guess i'm right on line.
then i found it was National I Forgot Day.
wooo-freaking-hoooo!
i was going someplace with this, but i forgot. guess i'm right on line.
Jul 1, 2007
middle-aged musings...
got this in an email...and just had to share.
for you boys out there..sorry. just get a beer. it'll be all over with soon enough.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. (ain't that the truth.)
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin .
Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life?
Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.
That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
for you boys out there..sorry. just get a beer. it'll be all over with soon enough.
Mid-life is when the growth of hair on our legs slows down.
This gives us plenty of time to care for our newly acquired mustache.
In mid-life women no longer have upper arms, we have wing spans. We are no longer women in sleeveless shirts, we are flying squirrels in drag.
Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and you can see your rear without turning around.
Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and you realize that this is the only time someone will ask you to appear topless. (ain't that the truth.)
Mid-life is when you want to grab every firm young lovely in a tube top and scream, "Listen honey, even the Roman empire fell and those will too."
In mid-life your memory starts to go. In fact the only thing we can retain is water. Mid-life means that your Body By Jake now includes Legs By Rand McNally -- more red and blue lines than an accurately scaled map of Wisconsin .
Mid-life means that you become more reflective . . . You start pondering the "big" questions.
What is life?
Why am I here?
How much Healthy Choice ice cream can I eat before it's no longer a healthy choice?
But mid-life also brings with it an appreciation for what is important. We realize that breasts sag, hips expand and chins double, but our loved ones make the journey worthwhile. Would any of you trade the knowledge that you have now, for the body you had way back when? Maybe our bodies simply have to expand to hold all the wisdom and love we've acquired.
That's my philosophy and I'm sticking to it!
another Pleasant Valley Sunday..
it's been a slow news day here in *random thoughts land. no green slime. no police.
niiiiice.
last night we headed out to a new BBQ place we found on the 'net. it's kind of our life's work to find some absolutely faboo BBQ that makes us fall to our knees.
(i know, April, we need to go to Texas. perhaps some day...)
this was a small place, perhaps 20 tables with two other people there. it does seem bad, i know, but this place is smack-daub in the middle of an industrial park. we figure they do most of their business in catering and in lunch.
'sides, any place that Elmer Dills likes, must be good.
and it was.
ham and brisket for him. brisket and pork for me. and on the TV, video of guys doing stunts on their motorcycles.
kinda odd. but most entertaining.
a chick behind the counter told Husband they even smoke & BBQ turkeys for the holidays.
i could be all over that.
later, it was Dairy Queen for dessert. we sat on the tailgate eating a Peanut Buster parfait (him) and a French Silk pie blizzard (moi), watching teenage boys trying stunts with their scooters.
don't worry. he didn't pull his scooter out of the truck and try to join them.
just another warm summer's evening.
walking by, on her way in, was a skinny Miss Hottie. i didn't pay attention, but of course he did. and muttered under his breath as she passed.
"what?"
"i told her that someday she was gonna be old like us."
nice. now i'm old.
because i know you live to know every mind-numbing detail of my life, here's my agenda for today:
* breakfast
* he's going to work for a few hours
* i'm getting a pedicure
that's a Pleasant Valley Sunday.
niiiiice.
last night we headed out to a new BBQ place we found on the 'net. it's kind of our life's work to find some absolutely faboo BBQ that makes us fall to our knees.
(i know, April, we need to go to Texas. perhaps some day...)
this was a small place, perhaps 20 tables with two other people there. it does seem bad, i know, but this place is smack-daub in the middle of an industrial park. we figure they do most of their business in catering and in lunch.
'sides, any place that Elmer Dills likes, must be good.
and it was.
ham and brisket for him. brisket and pork for me. and on the TV, video of guys doing stunts on their motorcycles.
kinda odd. but most entertaining.
a chick behind the counter told Husband they even smoke & BBQ turkeys for the holidays.
i could be all over that.
later, it was Dairy Queen for dessert. we sat on the tailgate eating a Peanut Buster parfait (him) and a French Silk pie blizzard (moi), watching teenage boys trying stunts with their scooters.
don't worry. he didn't pull his scooter out of the truck and try to join them.
just another warm summer's evening.
walking by, on her way in, was a skinny Miss Hottie. i didn't pay attention, but of course he did. and muttered under his breath as she passed.
"what?"
"i told her that someday she was gonna be old like us."
nice. now i'm old.
because i know you live to know every mind-numbing detail of my life, here's my agenda for today:
* breakfast
* he's going to work for a few hours
* i'm getting a pedicure
that's a Pleasant Valley Sunday.
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