..every new beginning comes from some other beginning's end.

December 2014. Life changed.

It seemed like a normal day at work, or at least it started that way.
Then we were all called down into a meeting room. And after 27 years at the same place, i found out that our office was being closed. Work being sent to off shore or Florida. Opportunities to work in Florida, if you're interested.

So what to do? i have elderly parents. i didn't feel comfortable leaving them. So i opted to stay.

Not long after that, my stepfather collapsed at home. The hospital couldn't find anything really wrong, and just decided he needed some PT. So off he was sent to a local convalescent home for PT and then was sent home.

March 2015. Life changed. Again.

Stepfather collapsed again at home Back to the hospital. More PT. Back to the convalescent home.

Things really changed, then. He wasn't eating. Wasn't interested in PT. The doctor said they were sending him home for hospice care.

He was dying.

Nothing really wrong, right?

He came home on a Sunday. He was gone by Wednesday.



2015 - i lost a family member. i lost my identity as a working woman. i totally lost my way.


i'm still lost in a way. The holidays sucked - as they always do when there's loss of a family member.

i like the fact that even though i'm unemployed still, i've been able to care for my mom in many more ways. Making her life a little easier.

November 2015. Life changed. Again, again.

Husband was coming home from work on the freeway, when they came to a complete stop. Unfortunately, the man behind him, didn't stop. Rammed the beejeebers out of the car my husband was in.

It's just a car. The husband is fine. It's just a thing, right?

He was a temporary employee at his work. I have no job. We're down to one car.

Now i know there are many out there that are FAR worse off then i. But when these many things hit you all at once, well, it can make you wonder what's going on.

But on the plus side:
* Husband got hired on permanently at his work.
* My mom has graciously lent me her car, so the Husband can use my car to get back and forth to work.
* Donny Osmond is alive and well and in concert this Saturday. I.am.going.



It's hard, this life. i truly don't know how anyone that doesn't have a spiritual basis can go on. There's been many a time in the last months i've sat here, tears coursing down my face, wondering how i can go on. How can God have his hand in this. How can it be all right when it all seems to be falling apart.

i guess that's why it's called faith.

oh boy.

the Husband got cut loose from the sleep study early yesterday and wasn't too happy.

not about getting cut loose, but about the results. turns out he has sleep apnea, and they want him on a C-PAP machine. i'm hoping insurance covers it, because if it doesn't, i told him he just may have to die in his sleep.

SO kidding.

at the hospital, (which he said was more like a hotel room) he was probed, prodded and hooked up to electrodes from head to feet. the worse part, was the goo they attached the probes to on his head...he kept washing his hair over and over after he got home to get the goo out.

then there was the fact that he couldn't sleep. well...he could sleep, but when he would pause in his breathing, the nurse would come in and wake him, taking vitals and such.

it reminds me of being in the hospital...you can't get any rest because the nurses are in every hour or so taking your temperature, blood pressure and asking how you're sleeping...which i know they have to do, it's just ironic that you need to rest to heal but can't.

they fitted him last night with the 3 Bears of CPAPs. one was too tight (claustrophobic), one was too weird (tubes in his nose, felt freaky) and the other was just right...well, as right as something over your face is gonna feel.

now that work calmed down somewhat, for me anyway (i was covering for one of my teammates who had a dozen ants in her house and lost her mind...but that's another post. maybe. i stayed until 6:30 pm Tuesday and missed my photo class, came in @ 6am yesterday and stayed until 4:30) i can satisfy my control freak issues and do some research on this whole thing...and see if i can hear the radio commercial again, where the local news sportscaster had used the CPAP, but went to something else.

being a control freak is fun.



in other news....

my 14 year old self is coming out to play and should be in full force by Friday.

i'm seeing the Osmonds.

ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh
ohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygoshohmygosh.

a friend i work with, who is another Osmond freak, got the tickets. i don't remember if i was here with y'all when we got tickets to see Donny @ the Cerritos Center for the Performing Arts. totally cool. totally fun. totally hysterical to see an auditorium filled with mostly pre/post menopausal women, acting like they were teenagers again.

not me. i never was a screamer - sorry. and yes, you can read into that whatever you want.

so Friday, it's back to Cerritos to see Wayne, Merrill, Jay & Jimmy. it'd be totally cool if Donny would make a surprise appearance, but i'm not holding my breath, since he & Marie are doing a show in Vegas.

what's funny is, while my friend and i both like Donny, she actually liked Jay better. now that we're both (sort of) grown up, we're both thinking that Jimmy was the one we should've liked.
even though he was a butterball as a kid, he was starting businesses at the age of 13 and turning in tax returns.

he's been doing a lot of different businesses since. real estate. marketing. performing. i think that, even when the Osmonds lost most all of their money in the 80s, he was the only one not in financial trouble.

dagnabbit. mom was right - always go for the smart one.
i hate it when she's right.

rock on, Sleeping Beauty.

the Husband spent the night Tuesday night at the hospital.

no worries. he's not sick, and no, i didn't smack him in the back of the head with a frying pan.

not that the thought hasn't crossed my mind occasionally.

he's always been a bad sleeper and B's doctor decided to sign him up for a sleep study. thank heavens. the man never has slept well, usually waking up in the middle of the night, and, comes out to eventually fall asleep again in our recliner. with the TV on.

at least here, perhaps they can do something to help. although, i know i'll be hearing about it, especially if it involves one more med for him to take. and, of course, the other scenario is that last night was his best night's sleep ever.

talk about irony. especially if you consider i've been up since 2:45.
maybe i should be there, too.


in other news...

i had decided i wasn't going to bitc....er, complain any more about work...at least for awhile. i'm still working and i'm blessed. i know it.

but...

yesterday was a bad day at Black Rock. my group was short a person...due to an ant invasion at her house. (and the scary thing is, there only was about a dozen or so...according to her neighbor and my friend)

so i got pulled off of my temporary query coordinator post and back on the incomplete reports. with lots of books going to the printer, we were hopping. then, @ 3:45 yesterday afternoon, the paging supervisor came over and wanted to know if we were going to be complete on the El Paso, TX book.

um, excuse me? you sent out a paging schedule for the day with the book broken down into four sections and now you want to send the whole thing in one shot?? and you ask this an hour and 15 minutes before the book is due?

oh good grief.

it turns out that this is one of those books that is published in full size AND a mini size. it involves reducing the size at the printer. OK. we forgot. but duuuude. remind us of that earlier in the day.

ready to start running around insanely? GO!

we, the supervisors, myself and another lead, ended up staying until 6:30 last night. and we weren't done with the book. heck, how could we? we had no ad designers left in house, our vendors weren't responding to my many desperate emails.

so today doesn't bode well for paging success as well, which is why i woke up @ 2:45...i honestly cannot remember if i emailed on EVERYTHING paging today or not.

then came the bloody nose.

i'm sitting here, freaking myself out that i haven't emailed, when i think my nose is running.
looking down on the blanket i wrapped around me, i find i am wrong.

so now i'm tired, stressed AND i have a bloody paper towel i need to get rid of before CSI starts investigating.

man. i wonder if i can get in on that sleep study.

sticks & stones...

you can do a lot of things to me.

you can call me fat.
you can call me ugly.
you can say i have no fashion sense.
you can tell me my hair & makeup looks like crap.
you can even tell me my breath's bad. my feelers will not be hurt.

but -

accuse me of not doing my job, and i will go medieval on you, and go straight to the top if i have to.

i don't want an apology.
i don't want a 'oh, my bad.'
i don't want anything from you.

but don't you ever, ever try to lump me in with those in my group who have no effing clue about what they are doing - or even care about what they do.

and while i realize what i do isn't curing diseases, saving orphan children or even fixing the nation's financial woes, i do take a certain amount of pride in what i do.

get rid of the vendor, or give me the clearance to pull work from them so i can do my job.

and don't EVER point your accusing finger at me.

mercy!

i'm home.

i had a faboo time.

but i came home, went back to work and walked right in the middle of a firestorm.

so i'm sorry, but no update today. hang on - tomorrow's coming, and so much to share.

like the pilot that 'forgot' to file a flight plan.

that oughta whet yer appetite.

every drop of rain...

you know that old saw: every drop of rain holds a rainbow?

they were so full of it.

today, Gentle Reader, is my birthday. i say this not to cultivate best wishes of the day or whatever, just to set the tone for the story.

for starters, i woke up freezing around 3a.m., with a nasty headache. freezing, because HogBoy had stolen all the blankies, leaving me with a thin sheet & blanket.

then, as i got in the shower, i discovered we had no hot water.
not a drop.
nor a note from management stating that there would be no hot water.

i seriously considered just being a stinky girl. then, remembering it is my 46th year on this earth, i though if i do that, people would say i'm homeless and try to give me money, or a trip to the shelter.

so i shivered through the shower. suck it up, baby, just suck it up.

but, i did get a birthday card saying "Princess Today. Princess Tomorrow. Princess Forever."
princesses do not have to suck it up. especially when it comes to warm showers.

nice cards. nice gifts. my boss forgot it was my birthday. we ordered Mexican for lunch and had root beer floats for dessert.

then the rug got pulled out.

they announced at work that we will be having layoffs in our department. soon. like next month.

well, happy flipping birthday to me.

on the other hand...George Clooney is on the market.

well, whaddya know. there is a rainbow in every drop of rain.

if i could just make sure it's rain and not something else.

the saga continues...

so.

just when you think it couldn't get worse....you get to work and open up your email.

myself, and the rest of the management team, got an email this a.m. from the paging department in Valley Forge. to paraphrase, they reminded us that we still had 23 ads in waiting for the section of the book paging today.

and then actually had the cahones to ask if we weren't working the waiting reports, designed to clear said pages.

oh.no.you.didn't.just.say.that.

we were all up in arms. but, feeling we didn't have a leg to stand on, because yes we have messed up lately, we sucked it up.

but we were pissed.

me especially.

i found myself later in the manager's office (calm down, just talking, i'm not in trouble) and venting again (i had said the same thing to my supervisor just an hour earlier).

i'm not paranoid. but kids, this sniping is nothing more than them venting because we came out there to try & help them, and instead the office eventually was closed. see? they say. you're not as big as you think you are. you can't even get our stuff clear and WE got CLOSED.

do not get me started again on that whole fiasco of the months we all spent there.

and my manager agreed with me.

dang. i feel good! i'm not paranoid, so i won't be in the local state hospital wearing a 'hug me' jacket.

oh, and did i also mention the conversation my supervisor had with me? no? well, file this under the 'what the $%&*#$!!' department.

'can we talk?' he says.

'yeah, what's up?' thinking, oh mercy. what have i done now?

'um....you're gonna hate me.'

not yet. but the day is still young, i think.

'can you cancel your vacation next month?'

oh.no.you.didn't.

my vacation. my trip. to see Keith.

i don't hate you. i may just have to maim you and slash yer tires.
(ed. note: we at *random thoughts do not, under any circumstanced condone violence. unless it's for revenge and you're absolutely positive you can get away with it.)

um. no. sorry, i say. i have an nonrefundable air ticket.

which i do.

oh, he says. then never mind. it's just that we're gonna be so busy then, and...

dude. we are gonna be so busy then, and after that, and after that...and besides, if i do not go, my sister in law will be out cash, as will i.

so, after that major heart attack-slash-stroke, all is well in LotusLand.

for now.



oh, and by the way. my manager called the other publishing office, the one that sent the rude email? she read them the riot act, and they actually had the cahones to say 'i offended people with my email? why good golly, i don't see how!!'

it's no wonder i'm nucking futz.

work is for people who aren't a ward of the state.

i had a moment today - a moment of absolute clarity when everything was crystal clear.

i realized what it felt like to be on the verge of a nervous breakdown.

this is the craziest, nuttiest, most insane place i've ever been. and i've been to Hollywood.

my job is really simple. make sure we are clear on all ads that go to the printer for the many phone books we print.

easy peasy super squeezy.

until.

until the Valley Forge office closed. until our office and the Florida office split their directories.
until i learned that on the day they say books are paging, they're really not. it's a "cut-off'' only in word.

because they continue to process new ads for these books right up till the time the book is being shipped to the printer.

and because they're three hours ahead of us, they have given us a cut-off of 11am.
which is reasonable.
until you factor in the guy in our office who makes sure the copysheets are in our system. he doesn't come in until 8am.

then he receives the ads into our computer system.

later - he hands them off to be worked. about an hour later. it doesn't leave much time for us to work, proof and completed the ads.

then i'm the one getting my butt kicked because we weren't clear by 11.
or 2pm, for our local books.

like i said, i realized today how it must feel to be having a nervous breakdown. we're all running around insanely, trying to be clear in time.

then my little assistant girlie tells me today that she's putting in her two weeks notice.

dang. just when i was starting to get her up to speed.

it's frustrating. i have no feeling of, at the end of the day, that i worked hard and accomplished something. instead, i leave feeling like i just eeked by.

only to get my ass kicked again tomorrow.

*sigh*

i know in the grand scheme of things, it really doesn't matter. but, like most things in life, it's part of my life. i'm stuck with it.

until i win the lotto. come on, lucky numbers!

in a nutshell.

fun.

i have had fun the last few days.

i just had to go through hell to get it.

let's start with Friday, shall we?

i was supposed to have a half day for vacation. i had planned to go with my mom (at the last minute) to go to the Scrapbook Expo here in the O.C. then, at the last minute, my boss took it away because we were sooooo stinking busy and gave me two hours off instead.

off to the Expo. there's shopping to be done!

my poor mom is walking so poorly lately. i'm really hoping the knee surgery she has scheduled for next month works.

i'm not holding my breath.

Happy Hannah here.

anyways - we did some shopping and got home in time to find that we weren't packed yet.

we packed hurridly.

i forgot my comb AND my brush.

dumbass.

we made it up to my friend's house and Saturday morning we were off to Dumont Dunes. it's about 40 minutes outside of Baker (halfway between LA & Vegas) and there we met up with some of my friend's camping buddies and set up camp.

we ate. they rode quads. we checked out the mall set up there with all the hotties and their fake boobies.

man, that was funny.

almost as funny as Sunday night.

one of our camp members brought a TV and the DVD "The Hills Have Eyes." does it sound scary? oh youbetcha. and funny, too.

funny? because we started tormenting my friend's 15 year old daughter by turning off the power in their trailer, banging on the walls and making scary noises.

it's fun being mean to girls!

then back to reality.

i went back to work to find that the CEO of our company is no longer. i say fired. no one is saying, naturally, but our stock was down to $7.45.

it was $22 last month.

not good.

so it'll be interesting to see how this goes. especially since we're doing a reorganization in my department. i'm OK, but some of the ad designers i work with are going to find themselves in new jobs in and out of our department.

ah, ch-ch-ch-changes.

more to come.

i'm off to make an acrylic album. i might as well have some fun.

happy Monday, kids.

p.s. - i made a new batch of bread pudding tonight. it will have a note on it.
DO NOT TOSS. THIS IS STILL GOOD.

your quote for the day.

and what better way to celebrate the FREAKING BEGINNING OF FEBRUARY.
(side note - huh? February? wasn't it just Christmas? Thanksgiving?? and now i gotta think of Valentine's? sheesh.)

today's quote comes from a coworker, passing by myself and a supervisor.

supervisor: hey, Bobby - how are you today?

Bobby: i get paid the same either way.

oh yeah. mamma likes that one.


in other news....

no news for Brendan...he's been calling but hasn't heard yet. he does have an interview scheduled for next Tuesday....so get out your Official Goat Sacrificing Kits out.

i had to work today. bleah. and no, i don't want to talk about it, because apparently i 'have an attitude' today.

well, DUH. i have a stinking attitude EVERY.DANG.DAY. get used to it.

Disneyland tomorrow. and yes, Allison, you can stay during Spring Break. although hanging out with me might get you into more trouble than going to Florida.

happy belated 50th, Kenny!

all quiet on the Western Front.

let's see.....

no inebriated neighbors on my stoop today.

no yelling, no pounding on doors.

no calling the police.

no good blog material.





what i love (insert sarcastic babbling here) is...
* my supervisor telling me to do XYZ instead of ABC (which is what i usually do), then bitching me out because i did XYZ.
i guess it's a case of 'do what you do, not do what i say.'

*we have new contractors in my workgroup - four to be precise. one of them, a chick around my age, seems nice. until....
yesterday morning when she came in to her desk, complaining about our company, and how lame we are sometimes.
um, hello? you've been here four weeks and you're yapping how lame we are? you're dumb.
observant, but dumb.

*Monday was my supervisor's birthday, so as is our tradition, we brought in food. (my new favorite thing to bring is the deluxe veggie tray {dang, it should be for 19.99} and the sliced apple tray...it's Red Delicious and Granny Smith sliced apples with a container of caramel for dipping. the caramel is not WW sanctioned, but i had one, anyway).
and if you remember, one of our other supervisors, the one who likes to point out how much processed sugar is in everything, came by and says to me 'um, just so you know, that microwave caramel's first ingredient is high fructose corn syrup.'

killjoy.




today is my Friday. why? because Monday when i came home, i asked Brendan, 'hey! you're temporarily unemployed!! whatareya going to do now?!'

my answer was a puzzled look, and the beginning of a dissertation on what he had scheduled for the next day..and, missing the point of my joke, i naturally interrupted him.

'you're going to Disneyland!'

yes, Gentle Reader, we're going to Disneyland tomorrow.

we used to go on vacations every year, until i had my back surgery and then for whatever reason, we haven't done one since.
i got a small, unexpected bit of cash, and decided to buy 2fer tickets. silly? yes. frivolous? definitely. (BTW - a 2fer is a Disneyland promotion they usually run right after the New Year, when attendance drops off. it's for So. Cal. residents and for the price of a one day/one park ticket, you can visit Disneyland one day and California Adventure on the other.)

needed? oh youbetcha. i'm so excited i can't stand it.

i'm going to Disneyland!

TGIF.

for more than one reason.

i'm glad the week is over because..
- the light i thought i saw at the end of the tunnel with all the new work my location is getting? the euphoria i felt, thinking that this was going to be easier than i thought? that all the schedule making would be easy as pie??

well, that's only if the pie is made with ingredients found in the house. if you have to go to some exotic market in Africa, well, it ain't easy.

the light i saw was the train bearing down on me.

then the train switched tracks.

it probably will be ok. it's just going to be ugly.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- Sunday i fly outta here heading over to Reno. yippee! just a few days, but how fun for me!

i'm glad the week is over because:
- Kenny got to meet Oprah today. seriously.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- i get to sleep in a little tomorrow. AND i went to Target for shower gel and ended up buying a plaid jumper, lace trimmed sweater and a tunic..all for about $21.
not each. total.
first time i ever saw a Target with that good (and well organized) clearance rack. niiice.

i'm glad the week is over because:
- heck. who needs more reasons? happy Friday and happy weekends...i'll be out and about until next Thursday, kids.

stay out of trouble. or don't get caught. peace.

SO not PC.

the other day, i did something completely NOT politically correct.

i wished someone a Merry Christmas.

i know, i know. i'm a rebel and i'll never be any good. but dagnabbit, i'm tired.

i'm tired of tip-toeing around this time of year.

i'm tired of offending, when i end up feeling offended.

i'm tired of apologizing for my beliefs.

so, in the grocery store the other day, i took the bull by the horns. i wished the clerk a Merry Christmas.

she didn't really know what to do. or say.

come on. i have several friends who are Jewish. i wish them a Happy Hanukkah. i have no problem with that, but when it gets closer to Christmas, i'm saying Merry Christmas.

dadgumit.

what really put me over the edge today (besides the espresso that i'm CONVINCED the barista @ Starbucks put in my Peppermint White Chocolate Mocha) was when i passed a church on my way to work, and their message board wished everyone Happy Holidays.

OK. wait a minute. if a church that teaches the birth of Christ wishes you a happy holiday, well...something just ain't quite right.

meanwhile, rebel that i am, will be wishing a Merry Christmas, right up until tomorrow night.




in other news....

today was a short day @ work. and we also had our white elephant gift exchange today.

most fun we've had there in a year.

there was the usual - candles, a hot cocoa set, toaster, a small, very used tv, pig lips.

yeah, i said pig lips. in.a.jar. oh dear googly moogly.

oh and a macrame belt kit from Singer. the sewing machine company. it came with hair extensions.

did i mention i got that one? and that the macrame kit HAD to be from the late 70s? and it still had late 70's dust on the package.

baby, you just can't buy quality memories like that. but apparently someone has, and has given it to the white elephant fiesta.

i can't wait till next year.



so on Christmas eve, i want to thank you for your love, laughter, tears and friendship you have extended to me through your blogs, and in a few cases, real life. i am blessed beyond reason by your gifts to me.

and to all of you, from Brendan, Elvis the Wonderkat and yours truly, we all wish you, Gentle Reader, the merriest of Christmases, the happiest of memories and peace on earth.

OK, Elvis is really only interested in tuna, but the rest of us really do wish that for you.

peace.

all 'round the block...

i have not been kidnapped, abducted by aliens or sold into white slavery because i stopped to speak to a stranger asking directions.

which, kids, you should never ever do.
thus concludes your public service announcement for today.

no. it was far, far worse than that.

the Husband, in an attempt to not stay up all night doing homework (read dickin' around on the computer), has been taking the laptop with him to work and working on stuff during his breaks and lunches.

meanwhile, i go through withdrawals and wonder what i can do to fill my time in the afternoons.

read to kids? naaah. bake pies for the shelter? are you crazy? there are blogs to be read! emails to delete, er...respond to! shopping! there is shopping to be done! ONLINE!!!

and it has been a week.

Mom had an MRI today for her leg. you see, many moons ago, she fell at work (hmmm! could this be where my natural grace comes from?!) over boxes someone left around a blind corner. and occasionally, she tweaks herself wrong, and well...turns her into a frightful mess.

did i mention my poor Mom hates MRIs? poor woman would rather listen to the caterwauling of tone deaf tomcats as the Angelina Jolie of the catworld strutted by, than to go into THE TUBE OF DEATH.

even with drugs, she freaks out. and lucky her, she just got over a migraine this a.m. just in time to be launched into THE TUBE OF DEATH.

so she can get another migraine. lucky, lucky her.

and this week at work there is talk about starting a 5am shift.

5am? good mooglie googlie.
kids, i am SO not a morning person. a pleasant personality for me starts to develop around nine.

p.m.

so, of course, if i have to start at 5, i will. and let me tell you now, Gentle Reader, start buying stock in Coca-Cola and Starbucks.

because i will single-handed make it rise tenfold.

wait...there's a question from the back? yes? can you please speak a little louder? why are they considering a 5am shift?

why to deal with the East Coast sales reps for our company, naturally.
the ones that will be contacting us for questions regarding their ads.
because their former graphics' office in Valley Forge is being eliminated.

yep. the office i spent soooo much time in last summer is being closed early in '08.
they were told on Thursday.

Happy freaking Holidays, huh?

someone out there asked, and rightly so, why they were being closed now, why not last year when they were doing so horribly?

a great question. with no good answer.

as i've told y'all before, i've been at my company for 20 years. i have survived five layoffs. three at my location and two at other locations.

there but for the Grace of God.

i feel for them. the few that did bother to talk to me seemed really nice. fun people.
people who have mortgages, kids and bills. just like the rest of us.

and although it's 'just business,' it still sucks for people who life still goes on.

in other news...

today, i woke up @ 3:45.

did you know there's a 3:45 these days? whoever planned it sucks.

anywhoooo...

woke up. had to use the *ahem* powder room. could.not.go.back.to.sleep. so i did what every good scrapper/crafter/player of glue & paper does...

i played.

yep. 4 am and i'm trying to open my eyes enough to see the glue i'm trying to attach to some wooden letters.

it's a sickness, i tells ya.

so now, i'm ready for bed.
and really, really hoping that 3:45 stays right where it is.

away from me.

eavesdropping and funerals.

heading upstairs to work this a.m., my fellow elevator riders included a woman my age, who freaking does NOT look 45. nor does her body look as if she's had three kids.

bee-yatch.

with her, is the trainer from the account management department. we join the conversation, already in progress.

"so she found someone in Arizona. i have no idea what came in her head."
"um-huum."
"anyways, it's ridiculous. *snort* i don't know what gets in her head sometimes."

i'm thinking her youngest teenager pulled some crap. how wrong i was.
she turned to me, and actually rolled her eyes.

"my mom is getting a boob job. *snort again*"

thankfully the elevator doors opened and we all exited.

apparently, boob jobs are only for those 21-40. after that, well, you're just ridiculous.
*snort*

kudos to this chick's mom. i'll bet cash she'll be the belle of the AARP ball.

on to the funeral.

today, my friend's mom was laid to rest. a simple service, occasionally punctuated by a funny story (unfortunately, most at her mom's expense), and the Snotty Remark by a Fellow Employee.

apparently, whenever my friend buries a parent, someone at my company needs to make a snot-ass remark.
i think it's in the rulebook.

anyway.

years ago, when her father passed, at the service, the pastor asked if anyone had a story about her dad that they wanted to share.

story time lasted almost 20 minutes. it was heartwarming. one of the most cheerful funerals i've ever been to. people that had grown up in the neighborhood and maybe were starting down a wrong road. but because of this man, they were given a foundation they might not have had otherwise.

we left the service and got in the car. one of the girls who came with us to the service, known for her inappropriate & thoughtless comments said, "gah! i thought that would never end."

we were shocked silent for a minute. present company included.
it only took a minute.

i remember all of us shot her down. quickly. it was sweet, touching, it made me feel like i wish i had known him, etc.

as such, i vowed that for this service, poo-for-brains would not be invited.

unfortunately, one got in.

another girl one who knows and has done it all.

"man. he was preachy." she said.

you will be proud, Gentle Reader. i kept my mouth shut. it was tough, but in the spirit of the day, i managed.

here's another campaign promise. i will make it a federal law that any thoughtless or inappropriate comments made at a funerals, wakes, viewings and/or memorials will result in extended searches by the TSA on any and all flights, bus trips, cruises and even trips to the store.

that'll learn 'em, dern 'em.

today's service brought another fact to surface that i hadn't really thought of before. while i know my mom will go someday, i kind of forgot that i'm an only child. and, barring any unforeseen circumstances, my mother will likely outlive my stepfather.
so it'll be up to me to plan everything. and suddenly i felt very small and WAY too grown up.

i didn't like it.

but like everything else, i'll get the strength i need for that horrible day exactly when i need it.

so - to not end on a bummer of a note of a post, here's a good giggle for you.

boobies.

hey. it works on pre-pubescent kids.

oh irony - you heartless wench.

the Husband informed me this a.m. that he was going to study group for one of his classes today.

he wouldn't be home till later today.

i've got the whole house to myself, and a list of things i want/need to do: clean.scrap.create.cook.

what do i want to do right now? sleep.

a list of things to do and all i want to do is inspect the inside of my eyelids for cracks.

hmmmmm...think this is still catch-up from my sleepless Wednesday night?
naah. just another visit from the irony fairy.

in other news...
from our supervisors meeting on Thursday, filed under the 'i am SO pretensions' department.
one of the supervisors, who is an expert on all things healthy (she likes to give me crap about drinking diet Coke, losing weight, being healthy, taking assorted supplements, etc. ), says, for no apparent reason, "Bill went to the 99cents Store yesterday and got ketchup. i threw it out."

i looked at the big boss. she looked at me, then said "what, he can't have ketchup with his fries?"

Healthy Girl looked amazed we would even ask.

"noooo. commercial ketchup is made with high fructose corn syrup. Trader Joe's has one that's just tomatoes, vinegar..."

sorry. i stopped listening at that point.

i have no problem with healthy. but dammit, if my husband wants Heinz ketchup (which he doesn't - he doesn't like ketchup), i will buy him Heinz ketchup. high fructose corn syrup and all.

after all - there are limits. even in ketchup.

i want a boring day.

Gentle Reader, i would give my eyetooth for a boring day at work.

just a day when i was yawning for lack of anything to do.

no drama.
no whining.
no crying.

but enough about me.

every day, it's really something new. it's never usually boring, which is actually OK, as i would rather be busy than not.

but man. today was the topper.

started out with a very grumpy manager, who had had it with a lot of the BS going on - people not turning work in when they should, not working things properly, blah, blah, blah. i don't blame her, because when the ad designers don't do their job right, it makes it difficult for Valerie to do her job right.

and kids, if it comes down to a Happy Val or a Grumpy Val, nine out of 10 will pick the Happy Val.

but really the Grumpy Val is FAR more interesting.

so the bar was set - 9:30 we're gonna have a meeting. everyone be there.

9:15, i'm heading back to my desk after getting a bottle of water from our cafeteria, when my supervisor waves me over and is mouthing something.
(note: i do not have any deaf relatives. i am not deaf myself. i cannot read lips. do not try to mouth words to me because i don't know what the freak you're saying. so if you're trying to warn me that a psycho is standing behind you with a bloody knife in his hand, dude, you're screwed. and probably so am i, because then the psycho will dispatch me after he's done with you.)

i have no idea where that came from. too much Dexter.

walking over to my boss, he says, quietly, "dial 911"

hole-lee crap.

my boss is holding on to one of the guys in our group. his eyes are closed but damn he does NOT look good. so, i call our secretary and ask her to phone 911, calmly, then head over to my boss.

hey! i get to use my first aid training!! woo-hoo!!!

our dear dizzy lad says he was reading email then things got fuzzy, then spinning.
he has not eaten breakfast.
he is diabetic.
i am now pissed.

after dealing with a Husband AND a Mother who are both diabetic (not to mention my late mother in law and my late grandma), nothing irritates me more than knowing what you need to do to take care of yourself, and not doing it.
drives.me.nuts.

so, since my diabetic friend is in good hands and the paramedics are on their way, i scoot downstairs to get some OJ (the beverage, not the murderer. ooops. did i say that out loud?) and a straw.

and after he starts drinking it, everyone is amazed to see how much better he looks and how the color is coming back to his face.

holy crap! i could be a faith healer!!

paramedics came, along with the firemen. then, unfortunately the ever so cute firemen departed and left the ever so ordinary paramedics. dagnabbit.
because even in the face of crisis, i appreciate a fine looking man.

Diabetic Boy came back later this afternoon - the hospital pumped him full of unpronounceable stuff and asked him to follow up with his own doctor. and my prescription was for food. eaten. regularly.

but what made me laugh was, later this afternoon, my supervisor and another supervisor couldn't believe i was so calm. apparently they're both married to wiggers.

i've never been a wigger. one of the better ideas we had one April Fool's was, when the current manager (at the time my direct supervisor) called on her way in, i was to answer the phone and freak out because two people called in sick (wink, nudge), someone else had car trouble (nudge, nudge) and the other one had a sick kid (snicker) so it was just me by myself in the department.

i did my best acting. there was silence for a moment, then she said "liar. you don't panic."

i don't fall apart during a crisis. afterwards, i can be found in a closet rocking back and forth plucking petals off daisies like poor psycho Ophelia. and i don't tell you this story to say "ta-da!!! ain't i great?"

but for once this month...just once...i'd like to not have to be the strong one. the rock. the go-to girl. i'd like it to be about me.
i want to be bored. i want to be Ophelia. i'd like to have someone calm me down, for a change.

or i could become a faith healer.
demon, come out!!
and send me $20. PayPal is fine.

if you were me...

and thank your lucky stars that you ain't, but if you were...what would you do here?

like you may know, i play bunco each month. on Tuesdays. once a month.

and...

i found a class to learn Photoshop. for free.

zip. nada. nuttin'.

only problem: it's every Tuesday night.

so i make a commitment to bunco, and i feel bound to it. but i also know that if the worst should ever happen, and my job and i part ways, well, bunco ain't a-gonna be paying my bills.

but hey - if i learn photoshop, then InDesign, those skills could get me a job.

so if it were you...would you blow off bunco?
help a sister out, 'K?

dagnabb hippie.

well. first it was my nose.

then it was this:

that would be a henna tat.

India ink.

sorry. i couldn't resist.

not sure why i did it, just got a wild hair up my bum and well...here you go.

the lady who did it, created it all freehand. that in itself was amazing.

and it'll only last a few weeks. they'll love it @ work.

in other news...

it's hottenhades here today. as a matter of fact, in Sherman Oaks, about 40 minutes from us, it was hotter there than in Las Vegas.

that is SO wrong.

it's way too hot. and it ain't getting better this weekend.

gross.

i also thank you for your concern on the Husband. we talked last night. and if you know him you know how he can get. hopefully i managed to help him see the forest from the trees.

and...

the farewell night of fun for my friend @ work went well...he and another of my friends and another girl from work stayed quite late. i would've probably, too, except that the Husband was there and he always worries about me coming home late by myself.

and i didn't even cry.

although... i got kind of worried when my former boss called and said she wanted to take a picture of me with him. so i thwarted her. i grabbed two of my friends and we ALL took a picture with him. then we serenaded him with all the songs we could think of that had 'good bye' in 'em.

all the original hits! 'so long, farewell'; 'sha-na-na-na, hey, hey, hey, good bye,' 'who let the dogs out'.

hey. i never said we were good.

he laughed, was a little embarrassed, but enjoyed it.

i really hope he does well at the new job. he is a rarity today - a really nice, genuine person who doesn't look for anything from you, except your friendship.

and i think i did that. at least i hope i did.

i will miss him. i do already.

(and he was WAY nicer than the other lead, who thinks he IS all that - and even went so far as to tell me he didn't understand why he wasn't a supervisor, since he was smarter than his supervisor. dumbass. you may think it, but you sure don't say it. out loud. at work.)

and i will have photos later. this cruddy weather at least makes for some killer cloud formations. and colors.

have a safe Labor Day weekend. and thanks again. i don't deserve your friendship.

blah, blah, blagging.

at least that's what Melissa's friend Heather called it, when you tag someone on your blog.
i like it.

so without further ado, because no one asked for it AND because i seem to never tire of talking about me... i present:

8 jobs i have had in my life.

(hold on to your hats, kids)

1) my first job (not counting selling Christmas cards all year) was working as a waitress at a little cafe near my childhood home. i worked it for about three weeks. i hated waitressing AND i sucked at it. so much so that i didn't even make a courtesy tip. i was still in high school.

(what's funny/weird, is that i served dinners all.the.time at Rainbow functions. we would serve dinners at other Masonic functions to earn money for the Assembly. i did OK with that.)



2) i worked at a pizza deli for (again) about three weeks. the owner was a cranky, mean, unreasonable fellah - he handed me the menu on my first day and told me to have it memorized by my next shift. the next day.

i laughed. he didn't. i finally got tired of all his yelling, so i quit. which brings us to...



3) Woolworths. remember them? five & dimes? i worked at one for a Christmas season, which carried over to the March after that. then i was let go.

nothing's worse than to be a teenager working AT the mall, with all your friends outside your store, because no self-respecting teenager would be caught dead inside a Woolworths.



4) Supercuts. i worked there as a receptionist for years. loved that job. worked for a cool couple who owned two locations in Long Beach. we got reviews every quarter, and i got a raise every quarter. just about a quarter per quarter, but what the heck.

i swept hair, rang up bills, washed & dried towels. i remember the Arby's restaurant across the street got held up, and our owner was visiting our location. he asked me what i would do if someone held us up, and i was honest.

'i'd give him all the money we had, and give him some shampoo and conditioner, too, if they wanted it.' not the answer he wanted.

moving on to...
5) junior loan processor. i even had business cards with that and my name printed on them for the first time in my life. don't be too impressed, all i really was, was a glorified copy girl. my main job was xeroxing loan packages to send to the lender. i left because i got really tired of my boss and her friend using a certain F bomb all.the.time. seriously. all the time.

6) car dealer receptionist. cool job. pretty cool people. even met a boyfriend that i was beyond crazy about. i left when they moved me from full time M-F to part time 6 days a week. buh-bye.

7) GTE/Verizon/Idearc Media. in the last 20 years of my life, i've been here. it's changed names three times, we've had lots of changes, lots of layoffs and STILL i manage to hang on. i've also had as many jobs AT this place as on this list. and i won't bore you with some of the mind-numbing jobs i've done here.
and in between my time there, i've also....

8) been an archaeologist at Knott's Scary Farm's Camp Spooky. Camp Spooky is normally Camp Snoopy, a fun place for little kids to hang out, with rides, games etc just their size.
we had a maze set up, and occasionally a smiling vampire or Frankenstein would amble through. each kid would get their map of all the mazes stamped, and at the end would get a Snoopy digital watch. i would either stamp, hand out watches OR hand out the trick or treat candy we also had.
the kids were great. their parents, not so much.
why, you may ask, did i, in my late 30s, take a job at an amusement park, when i didn't have to?
well, every year, Knott's hosts their Halloween Haunt. and it really will scare the pee out of you. really.
and i always wanted to be a 'critter' that would wander through the Park, hiding in the shadows, then jumping out and chasing teenage girls, making them scream.

i'm not nice. it just seemed like so much fun. the only deal was, they usually had the same people every year as critters. they would run and slide on their knees, they hid in super scary mazes.
they even changed the rides to really make them scary. and have people jump out at you, there.

it was something i always wanted to do. and even though i never made critter status, i did have fun working every weekend from the end of September to the end of October. and the best part was, every night after i got off work, i could ride the Log Ride (minus the critters, the ride was 'normal' during the day) as much as i wanted to. no one cared.
and it was cool to hang out where Brendan & i got married...at the same time of year.

but that's another post.

well, suffice it to say that this post is as long as the job history i've provided. let me know if you decide to play, i'd love to see your employment history, too.