stupid, mindless banter.

(which differs from any other post, how?)

i, Gentle Reader, am a lover of trivia. not to the degree of Ken Jennings, the big-time trivia king from Jeopardy, but as i am fond of saying, i am a font of useless knowledge.

(hey! new blog title!)

so - being that i seem to be in an exceptionally great mood (we had our Valentine's dinner last night, but that's another post, watched CSI, then slept till 7:30 this a.m.....heaven!) this fine morning, i give you Useless Knowledge 1.0...culled from some of my favorite reads: the Uncle John's Bathroom Readers.

• a popcorn kernel must contain at least 13.5% water to pop.
• in Switzerland, children receive holiday eggs from the Easter cuckoo.
• in 1900, the life expectancy for a man was 46.6 years. for a woman, 48.7. in 2000, it jumps to 72.7 for men and 76.1 for women.
• first sport captured on film: BOXING. (courtesy of Edison in 1894)
• literally translated, hors d'oeurve means "outside of work"
• the cities of Winnipeg and Calgary, Canada, per capita, drink the most Slurpees (a slush drink from 7-11 food stores, if you don't know) in the world. i so need to move there.
• on average, babies born in May are 7 oz heavier than those born in other months (ah-ha! finally an excuse for me!)
• there are 412 doors in the White House
• according to criminal law, only three people are necessary for a disturbance to be classified as a riot.
• if you're average, you'll spend five years of your life eating. make it count.

feelin' me some scrappin' love...

so tomorrow is the beginning of Scrapbook Expo here in the OC.

a vertiable shopping paradise. it's exactly what i'm looking for...some R&R...with a little shopping included.

not that there's anything restful about stomping through a huge shopping floor with thousands of other rabid scrapbookers.

scrapbookers who, although can design pages of their children with grace, flair and artistry will think nothing of kicking your ass if you get between them and some new 7 Gypsies paper.

there is some truth to the "Real Housewifes of the OC" - freakin' scary, they are.

i'm bummed in many respects. first, there were no classes that made me jump up & down screaming, "holy embellishments, Batman!" i did find one, and decided to apply as the teacher's helper (only cost $5, instead of the $30) and it was being taught by Katherine Brooks.

then i found out that not only is she no longer working for Deluxe Designs, therefore not teaching the class, but Deluxe Designs is apparently going out of business.

my mom will be in mourning.

so - it's off to be a teacher's pet, then see if there's anything that needs to find a new home with me.

oh, and look at a Crop-a-Dile for April.

so pray for me, tomorrow, as i gird my loins to enter the field of battle. i find myself lately more and more angry at people and the way they act..my fear is that i will end up as the latest case of road rage on one of the many So.Cal Freeways.

well, at least if it happens, y'all can say you knew me when. photos of treasures to follow tomorrow. peace out.

all you need is love.

Happy Valentine's.

OK - now that it's out of the way...

i was driving home the other night, when i passed by a local pool supply store. In the window, is the required "God Bless America" sign. And right below it...

"Now Hiring Americans Only."

Apparently, God only blesses Americans. All others better hope for the best.

i do have picture from my phone, but it hasn't been delivered to my In box. i'll post when i get it.

edited...here you go:

Toooooooooooooooooobs!

sorry. very small picture. best i could do

we met up with some of my friends from work (after the Husband worked all dang day yesterday and is going back again today) at the Coach House, a small concert venue down in south OC.

the two boys in our group - my Husband and my former supervisor's husband, are HUGE Tubes fans.

while i remember things like "She's a Beauty," and "Talk to Ya Later," these guys are looking at such nuggets as "White Punks on Dope," and "Attack of the 50 Ft. Woman."

oh yeah. good times.

our main view was our friend's band that opened for them. quite the bluesier, folk rockin' group. their lead singer is our friend, and to me she's a cross between Melissa Ethridge and any other folk/rock singer out there.

good times indeed. just very late times.

we got out of there around midnight, and all three of us were laughing at how old we are...when it used to be that (in my case, anyway) we could stay up till at least 2am, THEN get up @ 6 to go to a paper drive for Rainbow Girls. fresh as the proverbial daisy.

believe me, those days are long gone.

we were in bed by 1:30. oh goody.

but it's all in the name of rock 'n' roll.

rock on, my children. rock on.

in other news...i do want to prove one...well, two things: it DOES rain in Southern California and that we do have weather.

see? rain. my shamrock is coming back from death's door. it's pouring off the roof.

we got weather. it ain't all sunshine & roses.

now before y'all start in about the snow thing, know this: southern Californians absolutely freak when we have to drive in the rain. no one seems to remember that it rains so infrequently here, that when it does, all the oil & slippery crud comes up. and people here always forget that. and continue driving at 65+.

then act surprised when they suddenly hit a skid, spin out and wreck.

d'oh!

hey. i never said we were all bright here.

this weather makes me happy. i can't even begin to tell you how happy i am when it rains. i think it must be the latent Pacific Northwest genes in my blood. (although my mom claims i don't get it from her - she's far from giddy when it rains)

so to summarize (i know, i could've done this many, many paragraphs ago & saved you the time) - rock 'n' roll (and beer!) good.

- late nights (at my age) bad.

- mamma like rain. mamma nutty.

- southern CA's cannot drive in the rain.

happy Sunday!

warning: the following post is a little bitter.

bitter. pissy. angry. hurt. jealous. discouraged.

but mostly jealous and sad. very, very sad.

i have a group of girls i go out to dinner with during each member's birthday month. we all worked together, albeit in different departments, but at the same location, so we rarely see each other.

while i've been down with this creeping, stomping crud, they went out for the first birthday of the year. one of the girls, who's near my age, has her 20-something niece living with her.

four years ago, this girl stayed with her boyfriend, even after he said he didn't want to be with her any longer. they broke up. they got back together. his family was pressuring him to "grow up" and get married. settle down. start a family.

so they got back together and had a very nice wedding.

he started seeing someone online, and she did the same to "get back" at him.
they divorced before their first anniversary.

in the meantime, she somehow got herself fired, lost her car, and started dating.
fast forward to last week, when, at dinner, my friend notices that this girl has gained weight.

bet you can see where this is going.

i found out yesterday that the girl's aunt finally confronted her and asked her if she was pregnant.

yeah, but only five months.

five months?! that's more than half a term. no one knows if she's even been to the doctor before this. her aunt was taking her to her doctor yesterday and they were going to discuss "options," what ever that means. neither one is happy about the pregnancy.

and neither am i.

in this day and age, there's no excuse for an adult woman who decides to have sex outside of marriage, to not be on some sort of birth control. none. zip. nada. even if you're not making a lot of money, there's Planned Parenthood and local free clinics.

and once again, i don't understand how it can be that Brendan & i are denied kids, when others, completely unprepared and unwanting of a pregnancy, have one.

so i apologize for being angry, sad and bitter. it's just that no matter how much i think i'm "over" the baby thing, something comes up and slaps me in the face again. then suddenly i'm awash in fresh pain, like the first time i realized we couldn't have kids.

so again. i apologize.

there is nothing like a dame.

girls. there's nothing like us.

we're catty, kind, bee-atchy, generous, loving, hateful, creative, negative and nurturing.

oh yes. we are a contradiction. but with such contradictions, comes some really nice perks.

like cute clothes. makeup. slumber parties.

oh, and spa combo at the local nail shop.

the spa combo, is a manicure, pedicure, hopefully done together, while sitting in a whirlpool of warm, scented agua, with a massage chair kneading the beejeebers out of your back...up and down and up and down...

nice. mamma like spa combo.

of course, some do better than others. i've had some massages on my legs where i could barely tell if anyone was touching me. then there are those who are sooooo goooooood that i could fall asleep. or drool.
i've done both. thankfully, not at the same time.

i have three basic rules when it comes to spa combo time:

1. scrub the beejeebers out of my feet. to me, that's just as good as a good massage. which brings us to...
2. good massage. i like it when it starts out quite firmly..almost hard & painful, then ease up and gentle. love.it.
3. don't talk to me during massage time. please. ever. it means i have to concentrate on what you're saying, and sometimes it's all i can do to keep my head upright. especially if you're doing #2 right.

there's a shop i used to go to (i just got lazy, and started going to shops that were closer) where i would get the "hot oil spa combo." i realize it sounds like something sleazy, but trust me, it ain't.

it involves equal parts of lotion and cuticle oil combined in a bowl, put in the microwave until warm, then massaged into the legs/arms. thickly. then, a warm, wet towel is wrapped around the appendages then covered with another dry towel.

oh.my.goodness.

then they would put scrub on my legs, massage it in, rinse it off, and watch me drool as dead skin rinses away.

oooh. i'm getting all shaky thinking about it.

hmm. would it be indulgent to get another spa combo today, after i had one last night?

yes it would. and to paraphrase the L'Oreal commercial, i'm so worth it.

sometimes, it IS what you say that matters...

Good Timing

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover after attending a company party. Jack is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He doesn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong.

Jack forced himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the bedside table. And, next to them, a single red rose!

Jack sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house. He takes the aspirins, cringing when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:"Honey, breakfast is on the stove. I left early to go get groceries to make you your favorite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Jillian "

Jack stumbles to the kitchen, and sure enough, there is hot breakfast, steaming hot coffee and the morning newspaper. His son is also at the table,eating.
Jack asks, "Son... what happened last night?"
"Well, you came home after 3 A.M., drunk and out of your mind. You fell overthe coffee table and broke it, then puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."
Confused Jack asked his son, "So, why is everything in such perfect order, so clean. Why do I have a rose and breakfast on the table waiting for me?"

His son replies, "Oh, THAT! Well, Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed, "Leave me alone, lady, I'm married!"

Broken Coffee Table $39.99
Hot Breakfast $4.20
Two Aspirins $ .38
Saying the right thing, at the right time...PRICELESS!!!!

back to the land of the living...

(now i know you've been emailing to make sure i'm OK - here's proof)

if that's what you want to call this, living.

i am truly sick of coughing. and to add insult to injury, a friend of mine at work feels it's his mission in this life to send me slightly naughty nuggets via the email..which makes me laugh.

which makes me cough.

schmuck.

so between that, and literally working my bum off and fighting with the ad designers who somehow cannot make the connection that the ads they have, directly effect the reports i need to clear. hmmmmm. so simple. yet so hard for some to grasp. my favorite quote (that i've heard over and over and over) from the designers is "i didn't know it was a rush. it wasn't tagged."

never mind the fact that every day they get a list of hot directories that are going to the printer that day. it wasn't tagged. oh well...this hasn't changed in the many, many years i've done this job. it sure ain't gonna change now.

in other news..next month i'll be up in Reno for a week. the cousin from Ireland will be coming out then, and since i have plenty of vacation, i'll be representing the Southern California contingent of the family.

ah yes...a week of scrapbook shopping, girl bonding and chardonnay drinking.

or margaritas. i'm not picky.

and this weekend, the Husband & i will be joining some friends at the Coach House down the freeway to see The Tubes. (remember them? "She's a Beauty"?) they'll be playing there, but more fun is the fact that one of their opening acts is a band a former coworker of ours is in. we have dinner reservations (to get better seats) and when all is said and done, it'll just be nice to be out on a Saturday with the Husband.

and in case you wanted more of my social calendar...

Scrapbook Expo is coming...oh joy! oh rapture! oh paper shopping!! so if any of you local girls are going, drop me a note - perhaps we can meet for lunch.

and shopping. probably still with a pocketful of Ricola cough drops.

hope you're staying warm...and dry...and cough free.

peace and quiet and advil cold & sinus medicine.

Simon & Garfunkle had it right: there is nothing like the Sound of Silence.

the Cat is happy - he has the recliner all to himself.
i am happy - i have the couch all to myself (but i'd rather have the recliner).
the Husband is happy for he is off to a SuperBowl (wait. can i say "Super-Bowl?" or will the NFL commissioner come after me? never mind then. Super Sunday)party at his former manager's home.

i decided to stay home and prepare for work tomorrow.

somewhere along the way, i changed. dramatically. you see, up until a few years ago, i hated being alone. could.not.stand.it.

now, i'm eating it up. loving it.

so, it's just me, the cat and some decongestant.

oh, and "Monk" on TV.

now if the drugs could just kick in, i could breathe again.

and enjoy my solitude.

MIA or DOA?

whichever works.

i have been home sick for the last two days. and i thank you for the e/cards and well wishes and all that happy stuff.

i have coughed until i truly expected to see the staples from my gallbladder surgery come out.

unfortunately, this illness has NOT effected my appetite, dingdangit.

my mamma is also illing, but she's got it much worse...she's been felled by an upper respiratory infection.

this HAS effected her appetite.

so. there you have it. i can tell i'm on the road to recovery because when i woke up this a.m., my first thought was "dang. i need to shave my legs."

can health be far behind?